Re: Wanting to return to dieting....but ... the diet

[Guest guest]

You know, maybe we should all write about what dream/s losing weight promised

us... and why reaching for that illusive brass ring has failed to satisfy.

OR... what our weight was when we started dieting and what it became - as a

result.

I'm probably 50 pounds overweight depending on what weight chart you look at -

maybe 60 or more on some. When I started dieting, truly I wasn't overweight. I

thought I was though. And that thought was fueled by 1) low self esteem 2) a

mom who was a chronic dieter 3) diets are something everybody does and 4) a

fantasy image of who I should be because who I wasn't certainly wasn't good

enough.

There's something about dieting that you just have to hit bottom. Some people

diet to the grave and that's fine. Whatever works.

Maybe I eventualy became a diet failure because I just hate self-deprivation;

maybe my inner rebel was just too strong or maybe mom was right, I don't have

enough will power. Whatever it was, I like to think it was a good thing. I

like to think I am one of those Women Who Runs with the Wolves and that by

listening to my inner being, I'm healthier than those women who live on lettuce

leaves and wear single digit sized clothes into their coffins.

I'm liking thinking through the diets I've failed on and reflecting that they

really did set ridiculous expectations. 1/4 cup of watermelon - in the middle

of summer?! 1/2 cup of crab - because? What could be less fatty than crab?

Fake butter; no real butter; no no butter. Eat nothing for six weeks and then

start to maintain the weight loss...

The inconsistencies and the faux science behind them - I'm smarter than that!

And, I hated saving points for that one splurge a week. And the

self-consciousness - and the recriminations once I slipped.... slipped down that

slippery slope of eating what my body/psyche/soul wanted at one time or another.

Then the gasp of failure!

I think dieting was always against my religion, I just didn't know it. I was

too much under the spell of wanting to be like everyone else - and to be thin

enough to cause the Walls of Jericho to come tumbling down.

On the other hand, I loved the feeling of power when it worked. But it was so

short lived - the final goal once achieved lasted such a short time. There was

always that little voice, " now I can eat! " And I did. Every time. And I made

up for lost time.

And, I started to hate myself. And I started to identify with being out of

control. And, I got afraid. I got so afraid. I would lie awake at night with

the fear of running completely out of control with my weight nearly choking me.

I prayed. I prayed for the diet plan, the food plan, the approach that I could

finally stick with. I mean I prayed for years. I suffered - for years.

Another diet, another failure, another loss, another gain. The sizes went up

and up and up and the scales bounced up and down and up and dow and landed on

up.

Did I start out this way? No. Would I have ben 50+ pounds overweight now if

I'd never thought of going on a diet? I think not. But I did. And, now I need

to clean up all of that wrong-headed thinking and give up the false hopes that

dieting created in my poor, naive head. Because for whatever reason, I'm among

the 95% who gain it all back and then some.

So, another diet? I reallly believe I hit bottom and I hope that's the case.

Earlier in IE dieting still had some temptation, but hopefully that's just part

of the process of letting go of an illusion. This is the path of no great

promises of a totally transformed life just as soon as I've gotten down to....

This - this is something else. It's about giving up false hopes and facing life

on life's terms one choice at a time. Every day get to chat with the diet

rebel, the diet police, the nutrition police and see if I can ferret out the

part that is willing to take time for choice to arrive.

Big rant. Thanks. Sandarah

---

[Guest guest]

Sandarah you said a mouth full! And I so concur with all you wrote. Funny thing

is that I've been thinking of how 'thin' is a siren's song for lost youth as

well as faux status for being 'rich'. ( " you can't be thin enough of rich enough "

-Jackie Kennedy?) Diet mentality feels like a leash to me and I'm some mutt

being jerked around by a fat cat idiot who owns and runs the diet industry.

Backing this sucker up is the medical profession, family and society

tisk-tisking at my failures to jump thru the hoops they all wave high above my

head! IE is the reminder that I CAN and will (choose) to chew thru that leash

and set myself free to be what I am - a happy mutt :-)

We lone wolves may not have a big pack, but we do RUN and thrive which by the

way creates new genes that the pack needs too ;-)

Lovely post - ranting is soooo good for one's soul too.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> You know, maybe we should all write about what dream/s losing weight promised

us... and why reaching for that illusive brass ring has failed to satisfy.

>

> OR... what our weight was when we started dieting and what it became - as a

result.

>

> I'm probably 50 pounds overweight depending on what weight chart you look at -

maybe 60 or more on some. When I started dieting, truly I wasn't overweight. I

thought I was though. And that thought was fueled by 1) low self esteem 2) a

mom who was a chronic dieter 3) diets are something everybody does and 4) a

fantasy image of who I should be because who I wasn't certainly wasn't good

enough.

>

> There's something about dieting that you just have to hit bottom. Some people

diet to the grave and that's fine. Whatever works.

>

> Maybe I eventualy became a diet failure because I just hate self-deprivation;

maybe my inner rebel was just too strong or maybe mom was right, I don't have

enough will power. Whatever it was, I like to think it was a good thing. I

like to think I am one of those Women Who Runs with the Wolves and that by

listening to my inner being, I'm healthier than those women who live on lettuce

leaves and wear single digit sized clothes into their coffins.

>

> I'm liking thinking through the diets I've failed on and reflecting that they

really did set ridiculous expectations. 1/4 cup of watermelon - in the middle

of summer?! 1/2 cup of crab - because? What could be less fatty than crab?

Fake butter; no real butter; no no butter. Eat nothing for six weeks and then

start to maintain the weight loss...

>

> The inconsistencies and the faux science behind them - I'm smarter than that!

And, I hated saving points for that one splurge a week. And the

self-consciousness - and the recriminations once I slipped.... slipped down that

slippery slope of eating what my body/psyche/soul wanted at one time or another.

Then the gasp of failure!

>

> I think dieting was always against my religion, I just didn't know it. I was

too much under the spell of wanting to be like everyone else - and to be thin

enough to cause the Walls of Jericho to come tumbling down.

>

> On the other hand, I loved the feeling of power when it worked. But it was so

short lived - the final goal once achieved lasted such a short time. There was

always that little voice, " now I can eat! " And I did. Every time. And I made

up for lost time.

>

> And, I started to hate myself. And I started to identify with being out of

control. And, I got afraid. I got so afraid. I would lie awake at night with

the fear of running completely out of control with my weight nearly choking me.

I prayed. I prayed for the diet plan, the food plan, the approach that I could

finally stick with. I mean I prayed for years. I suffered - for years.

Another diet, another failure, another loss, another gain. The sizes went up

and up and up and the scales bounced up and down and up and dow and landed on

up.

>

> Did I start out this way? No. Would I have ben 50+ pounds overweight now if

I'd never thought of going on a diet? I think not. But I did. And, now I need

to clean up all of that wrong-headed thinking and give up the false hopes that

dieting created in my poor, naive head. Because for whatever reason, I'm among

the 95% who gain it all back and then some.

>

> So, another diet? I reallly believe I hit bottom and I hope that's the case.

Earlier in IE dieting still had some temptation, but hopefully that's just part

of the process of letting go of an illusion. This is the path of no great

promises of a totally transformed life just as soon as I've gotten down to....

This - this is something else. It's about giving up false hopes and facing life

on life's terms one choice at a time. Every day get to chat with the diet

rebel, the diet police, the nutrition police and see if I can ferret out the

part that is willing to take time for choice to arrive.

>

> Big rant. Thanks. Sandarah

>

>

> ---

>

[Guest guest]

Sandarah you said a mouth full! And I so concur with all you wrote. Funny thing

is that I've been thinking of how 'thin' is a siren's song for lost youth as

well as faux status for being 'rich'. ( " you can't be thin enough of rich enough "

-Jackie Kennedy?) Diet mentality feels like a leash to me and I'm some mutt

being jerked around by a fat cat idiot who owns and runs the diet industry.

Backing this sucker up is the medical profession, family and society

tisk-tisking at my failures to jump thru the hoops they all wave high above my

head! IE is the reminder that I CAN and will (choose) to chew thru that leash

and set myself free to be what I am - a happy mutt :-)

We lone wolves may not have a big pack, but we do RUN and thrive which by the

way creates new genes that the pack needs too ;-)

Lovely post - ranting is soooo good for one's soul too.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> You know, maybe we should all write about what dream/s losing weight promised

us... and why reaching for that illusive brass ring has failed to satisfy.

>

> OR... what our weight was when we started dieting and what it became - as a

result.

>

> I'm probably 50 pounds overweight depending on what weight chart you look at -

maybe 60 or more on some. When I started dieting, truly I wasn't overweight. I

thought I was though. And that thought was fueled by 1) low self esteem 2) a

mom who was a chronic dieter 3) diets are something everybody does and 4) a

fantasy image of who I should be because who I wasn't certainly wasn't good

enough.

>

> There's something about dieting that you just have to hit bottom. Some people

diet to the grave and that's fine. Whatever works.

>

> Maybe I eventualy became a diet failure because I just hate self-deprivation;

maybe my inner rebel was just too strong or maybe mom was right, I don't have

enough will power. Whatever it was, I like to think it was a good thing. I

like to think I am one of those Women Who Runs with the Wolves and that by

listening to my inner being, I'm healthier than those women who live on lettuce

leaves and wear single digit sized clothes into their coffins.

>

> I'm liking thinking through the diets I've failed on and reflecting that they

really did set ridiculous expectations. 1/4 cup of watermelon - in the middle

of summer?! 1/2 cup of crab - because? What could be less fatty than crab?

Fake butter; no real butter; no no butter. Eat nothing for six weeks and then

start to maintain the weight loss...

>

> The inconsistencies and the faux science behind them - I'm smarter than that!

And, I hated saving points for that one splurge a week. And the

self-consciousness - and the recriminations once I slipped.... slipped down that

slippery slope of eating what my body/psyche/soul wanted at one time or another.

Then the gasp of failure!

>

> I think dieting was always against my religion, I just didn't know it. I was

too much under the spell of wanting to be like everyone else - and to be thin

enough to cause the Walls of Jericho to come tumbling down.

>

> On the other hand, I loved the feeling of power when it worked. But it was so

short lived - the final goal once achieved lasted such a short time. There was

always that little voice, " now I can eat! " And I did. Every time. And I made

up for lost time.

>

> And, I started to hate myself. And I started to identify with being out of

control. And, I got afraid. I got so afraid. I would lie awake at night with

the fear of running completely out of control with my weight nearly choking me.

I prayed. I prayed for the diet plan, the food plan, the approach that I could

finally stick with. I mean I prayed for years. I suffered - for years.

Another diet, another failure, another loss, another gain. The sizes went up

and up and up and the scales bounced up and down and up and dow and landed on

up.

>

> Did I start out this way? No. Would I have ben 50+ pounds overweight now if

I'd never thought of going on a diet? I think not. But I did. And, now I need

to clean up all of that wrong-headed thinking and give up the false hopes that

dieting created in my poor, naive head. Because for whatever reason, I'm among

the 95% who gain it all back and then some.

>

> So, another diet? I reallly believe I hit bottom and I hope that's the case.

Earlier in IE dieting still had some temptation, but hopefully that's just part

of the process of letting go of an illusion. This is the path of no great

promises of a totally transformed life just as soon as I've gotten down to....

This - this is something else. It's about giving up false hopes and facing life

on life's terms one choice at a time. Every day get to chat with the diet

rebel, the diet police, the nutrition police and see if I can ferret out the

part that is willing to take time for choice to arrive.

>

> Big rant. Thanks. Sandarah

>

>

> ---

>

[Guest guest]

Sandarah you said a mouth full! And I so concur with all you wrote. Funny thing

is that I've been thinking of how 'thin' is a siren's song for lost youth as

well as faux status for being 'rich'. ( " you can't be thin enough of rich enough "

-Jackie Kennedy?) Diet mentality feels like a leash to me and I'm some mutt

being jerked around by a fat cat idiot who owns and runs the diet industry.

Backing this sucker up is the medical profession, family and society

tisk-tisking at my failures to jump thru the hoops they all wave high above my

head! IE is the reminder that I CAN and will (choose) to chew thru that leash

and set myself free to be what I am - a happy mutt :-)

We lone wolves may not have a big pack, but we do RUN and thrive which by the

way creates new genes that the pack needs too ;-)

Lovely post - ranting is soooo good for one's soul too.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> You know, maybe we should all write about what dream/s losing weight promised

us... and why reaching for that illusive brass ring has failed to satisfy.

>

> OR... what our weight was when we started dieting and what it became - as a

result.

>

> I'm probably 50 pounds overweight depending on what weight chart you look at -

maybe 60 or more on some. When I started dieting, truly I wasn't overweight. I

thought I was though. And that thought was fueled by 1) low self esteem 2) a

mom who was a chronic dieter 3) diets are something everybody does and 4) a

fantasy image of who I should be because who I wasn't certainly wasn't good

enough.

>

> There's something about dieting that you just have to hit bottom. Some people

diet to the grave and that's fine. Whatever works.

>

> Maybe I eventualy became a diet failure because I just hate self-deprivation;

maybe my inner rebel was just too strong or maybe mom was right, I don't have

enough will power. Whatever it was, I like to think it was a good thing. I

like to think I am one of those Women Who Runs with the Wolves and that by

listening to my inner being, I'm healthier than those women who live on lettuce

leaves and wear single digit sized clothes into their coffins.

>

> I'm liking thinking through the diets I've failed on and reflecting that they

really did set ridiculous expectations. 1/4 cup of watermelon - in the middle

of summer?! 1/2 cup of crab - because? What could be less fatty than crab?

Fake butter; no real butter; no no butter. Eat nothing for six weeks and then

start to maintain the weight loss...

>

> The inconsistencies and the faux science behind them - I'm smarter than that!

And, I hated saving points for that one splurge a week. And the

self-consciousness - and the recriminations once I slipped.... slipped down that

slippery slope of eating what my body/psyche/soul wanted at one time or another.

Then the gasp of failure!

>

> I think dieting was always against my religion, I just didn't know it. I was

too much under the spell of wanting to be like everyone else - and to be thin

enough to cause the Walls of Jericho to come tumbling down.

>

> On the other hand, I loved the feeling of power when it worked. But it was so

short lived - the final goal once achieved lasted such a short time. There was

always that little voice, " now I can eat! " And I did. Every time. And I made

up for lost time.

>

> And, I started to hate myself. And I started to identify with being out of

control. And, I got afraid. I got so afraid. I would lie awake at night with

the fear of running completely out of control with my weight nearly choking me.

I prayed. I prayed for the diet plan, the food plan, the approach that I could

finally stick with. I mean I prayed for years. I suffered - for years.

Another diet, another failure, another loss, another gain. The sizes went up

and up and up and the scales bounced up and down and up and dow and landed on

up.

>

> Did I start out this way? No. Would I have ben 50+ pounds overweight now if

I'd never thought of going on a diet? I think not. But I did. And, now I need

to clean up all of that wrong-headed thinking and give up the false hopes that

dieting created in my poor, naive head. Because for whatever reason, I'm among

the 95% who gain it all back and then some.

>

> So, another diet? I reallly believe I hit bottom and I hope that's the case.

Earlier in IE dieting still had some temptation, but hopefully that's just part

of the process of letting go of an illusion. This is the path of no great

promises of a totally transformed life just as soon as I've gotten down to....

This - this is something else. It's about giving up false hopes and facing life

on life's terms one choice at a time. Every day get to chat with the diet

rebel, the diet police, the nutrition police and see if I can ferret out the

part that is willing to take time for choice to arrive.

>

> Big rant. Thanks. Sandarah

>

>

> ---

>

[Guest guest]

Great post from you too.  Thanks. Sandy

 

Sandarah you said a mouth full! And I so concur with all you wrote. Funny thing is that I've been thinking of how 'thin' is a siren's song for lost youth as well as faux status for being 'rich'. ( " you can't be thin enough of rich enough " -Jackie Kennedy?) Diet mentality feels like a leash to me and I'm some mutt being jerked around by a fat cat idiot who owns and runs the diet industry. Backing this sucker up is the medical profession, family and society tisk-tisking at my failures to jump thru the hoops they all wave high above my head! IE is the reminder that I CAN and will (choose) to chew thru that leash and set myself free to be what I am - a happy mutt :-)

We lone wolves may not have a big pack, but we do RUN and thrive which by the way creates new genes that the pack needs too ;-)

Lovely post - ranting is soooo good for one's soul too.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> You know, maybe we should all write about what dream/s losing weight promised us... and why reaching for that illusive brass ring has failed to satisfy.

>

> OR... what our weight was when we started dieting and what it became - as a result.

>

> I'm probably 50 pounds overweight depending on what weight chart you look at - maybe 60 or more on some. When I started dieting, truly I wasn't overweight. I thought I was though. And that thought was fueled by 1) low self esteem 2) a mom who was a chronic dieter 3) diets are something everybody does and 4) a fantasy image of who I should be because who I wasn't certainly wasn't good enough.

>

> There's something about dieting that you just have to hit bottom. Some people diet to the grave and that's fine. Whatever works.

>

> Maybe I eventualy became a diet failure because I just hate self-deprivation; maybe my inner rebel was just too strong or maybe mom was right, I don't have enough will power. Whatever it was, I like to think it was a good thing. I like to think I am one of those Women Who Runs with the Wolves and that by listening to my inner being, I'm healthier than those women who live on lettuce leaves and wear single digit sized clothes into their coffins.

>

> I'm liking thinking through the diets I've failed on and reflecting that they really did set ridiculous expectations. 1/4 cup of watermelon - in the middle of summer?! 1/2 cup of crab - because? What could be less fatty than crab? Fake butter; no real butter; no no butter. Eat nothing for six weeks and then start to maintain the weight loss...

>

> The inconsistencies and the faux science behind them - I'm smarter than that! And, I hated saving points for that one splurge a week. And the self-consciousness - and the recriminations once I slipped.... slipped down that slippery slope of eating what my body/psyche/soul wanted at one time or another. Then the gasp of failure!

>

> I think dieting was always against my religion, I just didn't know it. I was too much under the spell of wanting to be like everyone else - and to be thin enough to cause the Walls of Jericho to come tumbling down.

>

> On the other hand, I loved the feeling of power when it worked. But it was so short lived - the final goal once achieved lasted such a short time. There was always that little voice, " now I can eat! " And I did. Every time. And I made up for lost time.

>

> And, I started to hate myself. And I started to identify with being out of control. And, I got afraid. I got so afraid. I would lie awake at night with the fear of running completely out of control with my weight nearly choking me. I prayed. I prayed for the diet plan, the food plan, the approach that I could finally stick with. I mean I prayed for years. I suffered - for years. Another diet, another failure, another loss, another gain. The sizes went up and up and up and the scales bounced up and down and up and dow and landed on up.

>

> Did I start out this way? No. Would I have ben 50+ pounds overweight now if I'd never thought of going on a diet? I think not. But I did. And, now I need to clean up all of that wrong-headed thinking and give up the false hopes that dieting created in my poor, naive head. Because for whatever reason, I'm among the 95% who gain it all back and then some.

>

> So, another diet? I reallly believe I hit bottom and I hope that's the case. Earlier in IE dieting still had some temptation, but hopefully that's just part of the process of letting go of an illusion. This is the path of no great promises of a totally transformed life just as soon as I've gotten down to.... This - this is something else. It's about giving up false hopes and facing life on life's terms one choice at a time. Every day get to chat with the diet rebel, the diet police, the nutrition police and see if I can ferret out the part that is willing to take time for choice to arrive.

>

> Big rant. Thanks. Sandarah

>

>

> ---

>