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struggle!!

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I have always attached my self worth to my weight. When I lost weight I felt

great- bought nice clothes, took great care of myself, threw out all my fat

clothes because I would NEVER wear them again...this time.

Everytime I gained the weight back (and more) I was stuck with no clothes, not

caring to do hair, makeup, etc.

This morning I took a long look at myself in the mirror and am feeling panic-y

and torn internally. I look terrible and am disgusting to myself. The last

weight gain has changed my body shape considerably and has scared me.

My initial immediate thought was DIET! Get this weight off ASAP!

(I know in my head that this cannot happen again. I have not figured out WHY I

keep gaining weight back, although the IE book has given me some good ideas).

I guess what I'm asking is how do you guys deal with feelings like this?

I am wanting a normal realationship with food, but I also don't want to look

like this anymore. ugh!

(BTW- I was watching a biggest loser special last night. Bob Harper said that

keeping weight off " is a stuggle everyday " and that " everybody who wants to be

thin has this struggle. " I don't want every day to be a struggle!!!! I just

want to be a normal weight and not have to think about food every second!

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