Here goes

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone, I'm writing to share about a serious personal struggle I'm facing

wit my eating disorder. I consider myself to have EDNOS (eating disorder not

otherwise specified), because I am in recovery for binge eating and for

restricting (nasty cycle to be in), as well as overexercising.

In the past I've had success with intuitive eating. I moved home and started

working on it about a month ago. I haven't restricted what I eat, only

restricted myself to eat when hungry and stop when full. For about a month and a

half, I was not binging or restricting. I had a few days with some compulsive

bites but I recognized it and moved on.

During the last couple weeks, in part due to working at a new job with a really

bad environment, I started binging again. It was terrifying because I was so

aware of it and yet my awareness couldn't help me this time. It was scary. It

happened about four days in the last week. And it didn't necessarily feel like

emotional eating, more like I wanted to fail with my recovery. I didn't feel

like trying, didn't think it was worth it. It was strange.

Now I'm afraid of spinning out of control again. I'm afraid of all letting food

conquer me again, because it's definitely felt like that for the last week.

During times like this I feel really helpless, because my eating disorder seems

so strong and powerful that my best efforts never seem to work. In fact

sometimes I don't even try because I'm afraid if I do and fail, then I'll just

lose faith in the process of recovery.

I'm really scared. I know how to eat intuitively. That doesn't seem like the

problem. I think it's a lot of negative beliefs that are trying to stop me, and

I feel so weak and powerless :-(

If anyone can relate or have some advice about similar experiences, I would

really appreciate it.

Thank you for reading

Rish