My Grand Dad disappointed me today

[Guest guest]

Hi group! I haven't been on here in years but today I felt a need to talk to

someone who would understand what happened today and maybe say something to help

me let it go. I haven't talked to my Nada in 3.5 years~ Best 3.5 years of my

life!!!! Well I have wanted many times to tell my Grandparents about BPD and

all that has happened with my Nanda but my Aunt for years has begged me to not

mention it to them. She's says it would just hurt them and they wouldn't be

able to do anything about it anyway. So I listened to her and didn't tell them

for years and years, but it was frustrating for me because I know I want my

Grand children (when I have them) to come to me and talk about any and

everything they want. I want to have a real relationship with my Grand Children

and I wanted to have a real relationship with my Grand Parents too but

everything has always been so superficial with them. I also felt it was in Part

their fault my Mom ended up having BPD because they raised her and were never

good parents to her because my Grand Mother was an Alcoholic and Possible BPD

herself and my Grand Dad did nothing but pamper and take care of my Grand Mother

like she was a Queen. It was all about what my Grand Mother wanted and he bends

over backwards to please her and keep her happy to keep the peace. They

completely ignored my Mom and her sister when they were kids and growing up. I

knew I couldn't be the one to help my Mom with her BPD problems and at times I

felt like my Grandpa might be the only one in the world that might be able to

get through to her to go to therapy and get help because she looks up to him and

admires him. She probably admires him for 2 main reasons. 1 he was smart in

business and 2 she probably wished she could find a guy like him to kiss her ass

forever and ever even when she was being a bitch like my Grandmother usually is.

Anyway those where my 3 reasons why I wanted to tell him...

1. He should help her, he's her father and it's his fault she is so messed up,

and because she'll listen to him

2. Because I wanted to have an close relationship with him and talk about real

life and not just the weather.

3. Ohh and because I don't think there is one other person that cares about her

in the whole world other than him so he was her last chance to get help.

Well months ago I went to visit my Grand Parents and after we left my Aunt (the

same one who begs me not to tell them what's wrong) says that he came to her

privately and was crying and asking her what is going on between me and my Nada.

She didn't tell him anything and he was saying how he just wished he had a happy

family.

Now I have never said anything to them but I know my Nada and she probably has

gone to see them and called them numerous times and cried and screamed and

cursed my name saying what a Bitch I am to have left her and that SHE did

nothing wrong. She did the same thing when my Aunt (same one) cut her out of

her life too about 18 years ago. Nada tried to get everyone to pick sides and

say what a bitch my Aunt was for not wanting to be around her own sister and she

must be mental or something. Then if she found out any of us had talked to my

Aunt then we were stabbing my Nada in the back and betraying her. So I can only

imagine this is how she still behaves but she's talking about me now and not my

Aunt.

After that visit and after wanting to tell him for so long and finding out he

wanted to know.....I thought it was time for me to ignore my Aunt and just talk

to him about it. So I wrote him this long letter explaining BPD and what my

childhood was like and why I needed to get away from Nada. I never blamed him

or my Grand Mother for anything in the letter. My main goal when I wrote the

letter was to try and get my Grandfather to understand that he needed to help

Mom (Nada) get some professional help. Well, I never heard back from him and

this recent Christmas was the first year in my life that my Grand Parents didn't

send me a Christmas Card with Money.

I talked to him today on the phone...they are super hard to get on the phone

because my Grand Mother doesn't like to answer the phone and never calls back.

I asked him if he got that letter about Mom from months ago. He acted nervous

like he didn't want to answer and then finally said Yes, he reads it. Then he

immediately starts saying how he and Mamaw (my Grand Mother) don't want to get

involved or get in between me and Mom's squabble. That they don't want to pick

sides or get involved in anyway. You know I used to admire him too but I really

thought he was more of a man than that. First he assumes I am wanting him to

pick sides...NO!!! This hurts my feelings because he is assuming I am like my

Nada cause that's what she wants them to do. He says he doesn't want to get in

the middle of a fight....NO...as you all know this isn't about just a

misunderstanding or a fight. Then isn't this the whole reason she is so messed

up in the first place because they never wanted to be Parents. Never did never

will! I thought this was a way for him to make things right before he

does...maybe fix some of the problems they caused by not being there for her

during her childhood. He doesn't get it at all and he was sure assuming a lot

about what I meant by writing the letter. I kept trying to tell him on the

phone, NO, that's not what I want you to do, pick sides and be in the middle.

But he wouldn't even let me speak, just kept reiterating that they want NOTHING

TO DO WITH ANY OF IT. He was crying to my Aunt back during our visit that he

wants a happy family and he doesn't understand what's wrong between me and Nada,

but now when given the opportunity to do something about it he just wants to

keep to himself and keep my Grand Mother happy in her little box.

It saddens me that he doesn't know me at all and assumes I am like my Mom. It

saddens me that he was someone I looked up to and thought he was smarter than

that and even though I know he is to blame for screwing up her childhood I

thought as a mature adult he may want to make up for his mistakes or at least

help his daughter just because he loves her. I also know that it was my Grand

Mother who was saying...no no we don't want to get involved and he just does

what she says. If she said, yes lets get them both here and talk to both of

them and get this worked out he would be all for it. So even though I already

knew he was a door mat with my Grand Mother most of that knowledge was only

second hand...I saw it for myself today and it really disappointed me.