Re: Re: Considering going NC- needing input, thoughts (2)

[Guest guest]

Oh geez do they all do that with their hairdresser? My nada had such a

bizarre relationship with her hairdresser. . .

On Sat, Jan 29, 2011 at 12:44 PM, charlottehoneychurch <

charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote:

>

>

> Dear Blair, And I forgot to mention the projection! From your detailed

> narrative I see that you are still trying to make sense of nada's words to

> you as if they are being spoken in our language. They are not--your nada is

> speaking 'Cluster B'. Every description she makes of you, every negative

> characterization, is actually her describing her *own* pathology. On some

> level your nada understands what she is doing, but cannot attirbute it to

> herself because that would make her 'bad' and it would overload her--she

> sees it as a life-threatening situation. Now that you are learning about bpd

> and npd, nada senses a threat, and so she is all the more desperate to

> project any of her negative behaviours and traits onto you. Projecting

> things about themselves that they are afraid of is perhaps THE central trait

> of cluster B behaviour. (All that 'avoiding abandonment' stuff is not so

> accurate as the experts think, in my opinion.)

>

> I know that it might be a bit of a foreign concept, or seem disrespectful,

> to stop taking your nada's communications 'seriously'. But that is just what

> a KO has to do. Nadas do not use language like non-Cluster Bs. They have

> goals of communication, surely, but they are Cluster B goals. Nada's goals

> in accusing you of not cooperating in the relationship involve projecting

> her OWN lack of cooperation, and also coercing you, by force/manipulation,

> to keep all attention on her, and to do what she says. Nadas don't act as if

> anyone will ever be willing to be near them voluntarily--they force contact

> with them through fear, obligation and guilt. (The classic 'FOG' we talk

> about). By the way, I'm talking about high functioning nadas, here. I am not

> familiar with the low-functioning ones.

>

> If you view all of nada's words through the lenses of what is she trying to

> project onto you that she's afraid of in herself, or what is she trying to

> force you to do through FOG, I think that her communications will make more

> sense. It will also free you from the frustration of trying to participate

> in a give and take interchange that doesn't exist. One of BPDs' *very*

> favorite past-times is to talk Cluster B, and be answered in

> empathy-language. It's especially fun for them with 'captive' strangers such

> as hairdressers, priests over for dinner, etc.

>

> Good luck!

> Charlie

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Run.

> > > >

> > > > YOUR family is important. Your mother only wants to control you,

> control your life and your kids life.

> > > >

> > > > Too bad you didn't live further away, you may end up getting stalked.

>

> > > >

> > > > You don't deserve that shit, no one does. You wouldn't put up with it

> from someone that didn't give birth to you right? If a stranger came up to

> you and started talking to you like that? What would you do?

> > > >

> > > > So what gives *her* special rights to abuse you and your family like

> that? Because you had the misfortune to emerge from HER uterus? I don't

> think so.

> > > >

> > > > Cut off ties and don't look back. Document everything that happened

> to you, and will happen. That way if CPS is contacted they have the whole

> picture, on paper. Have the foresight to think that she will contact the

> CPS. Your eldest won't put up with her right? So, right there the kid and

> your husband can back you up.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>