Nada-in-law is off her meds

January 31, 2011

Thanks for all of you who kindly read my posts and offer your valuable insights.

I feel like I've aged 10 years in the past week with what my Nada-in-law is

putting us through. We are fortunate enough that she keeps to herself for weeks

at a time (we've ALMOST cut all ties, but not quite) but then it is like the

floodgates just open.

I found out from Nada-in-law's brother (who also has no real relationship with

her) that she called him 2 weeks ago in a downward spiral saying that I,

terrible daughter-in-law that I am, have turned everyone in her family against

her. She lost her husband (a divorce she asked for), her brother, her niece and

nephew, her son and her grandchildren. All because of me.

In the conversation she told him she had stopped taking her meds because she

couldn't afford them. Her psychiatrist has diagnosed her with depression,

anxiety and ADD, not BPD. I'm not sure what meds she is on, and they don't

erase her BPD tendencies, but without the meds she is completely out of control.

It's like she sits around the house obsessing about how terrible her family is

to her and all the wrongs we have done. She digs up things from 20 years ago,

many of which are untrue or exaggerated and then sends out scathing emails full

of attacks and accusations, demanding apologies and explanations. And, throw in

a good measure of guilt.

One of her recent ones to my husband was that she can't afford food and that she

is living off of peanut butter sandwiches. I may sound heartless, but ARE YOU

KIDDING ME??????

She drives a Volvo.

She lives in a vacation cottage on Cape Cod.

She spends $$$ on my sister-in-law and her family, buying them big screen TVs

etc, because to her, material gifts equals love.

She hasn't worked in 10 years.

When she did work, she spent it faster than her $$ came in. My father in law

paid for all of her expenses so her money was spending money.

She demanded a renegotiated divorce settlement to give her a lump sum and spent

all of that in less than a year.

I don't really have a point here or a question. I just needed to vent. Thanks

for listening.

January 31, 2011

It doesn't matter what they do. Someone else is to blame. She

doesn't work and spends her money on fancy stuff and then

supposedly can't afford groceries and medicine. Gee, that sounds

familiar. Digging up untrue things from 20 years ago sounds

familiar too except that my nada's list of untrue things goes

back closer to 50 years.

At 10:54 AM 01/31/2011 bizymom2 wrote:

>Thanks for all of you who kindly read my posts and offer your

>valuable insights. I feel like I've aged 10 years in the past

>week with what my Nada-in-law is putting us through. We are

>fortunate enough that she keeps to herself for weeks at a time

>(we've ALMOST cut all ties, but not quite) but then it is like

>the floodgates just open.

>

>I found out from Nada-in-law's brother (who also has no real

>relationship with her) that she called him 2 weeks ago in a

>downward spiral saying that I, terrible daughter-in-law that I

>am, have turned everyone in her family against her. She lost

>her husband (a divorce she asked for), her brother, her niece

>and nephew, her son and her grandchildren. All because of me.

>

>In the conversation she told him she had stopped taking her

>meds because she couldn't afford them. Her psychiatrist has

>diagnosed her with depression, anxiety and ADD, not BPD. I'm

>not sure what meds she is on, and they don't erase her BPD

>tendencies, but without the meds she is completely out of

>control. It's like she sits around the house obsessing about

>how terrible her family is to her and all the wrongs we have

>done. She digs up things from 20 years ago, many of which are

>untrue or exaggerated and then sends out scathing emails full

>of attacks and accusations, demanding apologies and

>explanations. And, throw in a good measure of guilt.

>

>One of her recent ones to my husband was that she can't afford

>food and that she is living off of peanut butter sandwiches. I

>may sound heartless, but ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????

>

>She drives a Volvo.

>She lives in a vacation cottage on Cape Cod.

>She spends $$$ on my sister-in-law and her family, buying them

>big screen TVs etc, because to her, material gifts equals love.

>She hasn't worked in 10 years.

>When she did work, she spent it faster than her $$ came in. My

>father in law paid for all of her expenses so her money was

>spending money.

>She demanded a renegotiated divorce settlement to give her a

>lump sum and spent all of that in less than a year.

>

>I don't really have a point here or a question. I just needed

>to vent. Thanks for listening.

--

Katrina

January 31, 2011

It doesn't matter what they do. Someone else is to blame. She

doesn't work and spends her money on fancy stuff and then

supposedly can't afford groceries and medicine. Gee, that sounds

familiar. Digging up untrue things from 20 years ago sounds

familiar too except that my nada's list of untrue things goes

back closer to 50 years.

At 10:54 AM 01/31/2011 bizymom2 wrote:

>Thanks for all of you who kindly read my posts and offer your

>valuable insights. I feel like I've aged 10 years in the past

>week with what my Nada-in-law is putting us through. We are

>fortunate enough that she keeps to herself for weeks at a time

>(we've ALMOST cut all ties, but not quite) but then it is like

>the floodgates just open.

>

>I found out from Nada-in-law's brother (who also has no real

>relationship with her) that she called him 2 weeks ago in a

>downward spiral saying that I, terrible daughter-in-law that I

>am, have turned everyone in her family against her. She lost

>her husband (a divorce she asked for), her brother, her niece

>and nephew, her son and her grandchildren. All because of me.

>

>In the conversation she told him she had stopped taking her

>meds because she couldn't afford them. Her psychiatrist has

>diagnosed her with depression, anxiety and ADD, not BPD. I'm

>not sure what meds she is on, and they don't erase her BPD

>tendencies, but without the meds she is completely out of

>control. It's like she sits around the house obsessing about

>how terrible her family is to her and all the wrongs we have

>done. She digs up things from 20 years ago, many of which are

>untrue or exaggerated and then sends out scathing emails full

>of attacks and accusations, demanding apologies and

>explanations. And, throw in a good measure of guilt.

>

>One of her recent ones to my husband was that she can't afford

>food and that she is living off of peanut butter sandwiches. I

>may sound heartless, but ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????

>

>She drives a Volvo.

>She lives in a vacation cottage on Cape Cod.

>She spends $$$ on my sister-in-law and her family, buying them

>big screen TVs etc, because to her, material gifts equals love.

>She hasn't worked in 10 years.

>When she did work, she spent it faster than her $$ came in. My

>father in law paid for all of her expenses so her money was

>spending money.

>She demanded a renegotiated divorce settlement to give her a

>lump sum and spent all of that in less than a year.

>

>I don't really have a point here or a question. I just needed

>to vent. Thanks for listening.

--

Katrina

January 31, 2011

It doesn't matter what they do. Someone else is to blame. She

doesn't work and spends her money on fancy stuff and then

supposedly can't afford groceries and medicine. Gee, that sounds

familiar. Digging up untrue things from 20 years ago sounds

familiar too except that my nada's list of untrue things goes

back closer to 50 years.

At 10:54 AM 01/31/2011 bizymom2 wrote:

>Thanks for all of you who kindly read my posts and offer your

>valuable insights. I feel like I've aged 10 years in the past

>week with what my Nada-in-law is putting us through. We are

>fortunate enough that she keeps to herself for weeks at a time

>(we've ALMOST cut all ties, but not quite) but then it is like

>the floodgates just open.

>

>I found out from Nada-in-law's brother (who also has no real

>relationship with her) that she called him 2 weeks ago in a

>downward spiral saying that I, terrible daughter-in-law that I

>am, have turned everyone in her family against her. She lost

>her husband (a divorce she asked for), her brother, her niece

>and nephew, her son and her grandchildren. All because of me.

>

>In the conversation she told him she had stopped taking her

>meds because she couldn't afford them. Her psychiatrist has

>diagnosed her with depression, anxiety and ADD, not BPD. I'm

>not sure what meds she is on, and they don't erase her BPD

>tendencies, but without the meds she is completely out of

>control. It's like she sits around the house obsessing about

>how terrible her family is to her and all the wrongs we have

>done. She digs up things from 20 years ago, many of which are

>untrue or exaggerated and then sends out scathing emails full

>of attacks and accusations, demanding apologies and

>explanations. And, throw in a good measure of guilt.

>

>One of her recent ones to my husband was that she can't afford

>food and that she is living off of peanut butter sandwiches. I

>may sound heartless, but ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????

>

>She drives a Volvo.

>She lives in a vacation cottage on Cape Cod.

>She spends $$$ on my sister-in-law and her family, buying them

>big screen TVs etc, because to her, material gifts equals love.

>She hasn't worked in 10 years.

>When she did work, she spent it faster than her $$ came in. My

>father in law paid for all of her expenses so her money was

>spending money.

>She demanded a renegotiated divorce settlement to give her a

>lump sum and spent all of that in less than a year.

>

>I don't really have a point here or a question. I just needed

>to vent. Thanks for listening.

--

Katrina

January 31, 2011

You're not alone (which is the grand point of this board, isn't it ;o)

I'll just 'share' and let you make your own connections... sometimes that just

more fun.

My Nada has been bailed out of her financial obligations (read credit cards,

etc.) 4x in the last 15 years by 4 different family members and friends... to

the tune of 250k. Yes, I was guilty - once. For the last couple of years she's

been 'avoiding/hiding' from creditors. Changing her phone number. Dodging

process servers (that was fun... the FOO was being contacted too - suprise!.)

Being chased by a school she took federal funds from but didn't complete the

courses and wouldn't pay them back (hello felony.) You name it... she's done

it.

She exhausted one of her sister's husbands who is a financial planner to set her

on the path to bankruptcy (that was 3 years ago) and he did everything but file.

But she 'couldn't' come up with the $199.00 to start the process so she just

never did. Instead she just avoids and cries. Hmmm. A FOO got burned.

Imagine that?!

The best part of the " Bankruptcy that wasn't " story? She was shopping for new

outfits to wear to bankruptcy court. She wanted to look " decent so the judge

wouldn't thing I was one of THOSE people... "

That was about the time she told me her " un-licensed redwood therapist " (huh?)

was complimenting her on her outfits and that she was going to go shopping with

some of the people in her 'support group' that this guy ran out of his home.

But let's all celebrate that her and her current SO just got back from a week in

Palm Springs (while his attorney is filing his divorce papers----yep) and she's

just so excited.... but those $#%@#$ creditors kept calling on the new

number....

Yeah... I get it.

Lynnette

>

> Thanks for all of you who kindly read my posts and offer your valuable

insights. I feel like I've aged 10 years in the past week with what my

Nada-in-law is putting us through. We are fortunate enough that she keeps to

herself for weeks at a time (we've ALMOST cut all ties, but not quite) but then

it is like the floodgates just open.

>

> I found out from Nada-in-law's brother (who also has no real relationship with

her) that she called him 2 weeks ago in a downward spiral saying that I,

terrible daughter-in-law that I am, have turned everyone in her family against

her. She lost her husband (a divorce she asked for), her brother, her niece and

nephew, her son and her grandchildren. All because of me.

>

> In the conversation she told him she had stopped taking her meds because she

couldn't afford them. Her psychiatrist has diagnosed her with depression,

anxiety and ADD, not BPD. I'm not sure what meds she is on, and they don't

erase her BPD tendencies, but without the meds she is completely out of control.

It's like she sits around the house obsessing about how terrible her family is

to her and all the wrongs we have done. She digs up things from 20 years ago,

many of which are untrue or exaggerated and then sends out scathing emails full

of attacks and accusations, demanding apologies and explanations. And, throw in

a good measure of guilt.

>

> One of her recent ones to my husband was that she can't afford food and that

she is living off of peanut butter sandwiches. I may sound heartless, but ARE

YOU KIDDING ME??????

>

> She drives a Volvo.

> She lives in a vacation cottage on Cape Cod.

> She spends $$$ on my sister-in-law and her family, buying them big screen TVs

etc, because to her, material gifts equals love.

> She hasn't worked in 10 years.

> When she did work, she spent it faster than her $$ came in. My father in law

paid for all of her expenses so her money was spending money.

> She demanded a renegotiated divorce settlement to give her a lump sum and

spent all of that in less than a year.

>

> I don't really have a point here or a question. I just needed to vent.

Thanks for listening.

>

January 31, 2011