Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Girlscout, sending you hugs... Did you feel like your dad showed you love in other ways, like the clothes he bought you or toys or something else, so maybe that's why having an old bed didn't really bother you at the time? I don't remember my bed that well. What I do remember, which has come up with my T, is how I have absolutely no idea what I like in terms of design. I have no concept, no voice, no identity in that sense. My father decided what each room would look like. If anyone decorated without his ok, or if I put up a Lennon poster or whatever, he would ridicule it and tell me to take it down. One time, a friend and I went shopping and she asked me what kind of bedspreads I liked best, that is, dainty, southwestern style, etc. I must've looked so ridiculous b/c I said I don't know. Even in the way I dress, I am undifferentiated. Anyhoo, all of that to say, I don't remember my bed very well! > > So my T and were talking about hoarding last night and basically how > uncomfortable my childhood home was.I told her that there were only a couple > of chairs I could sit in without having an allergic reaction because of the > dust, dander and unhygenic conditions. So I spent a lot of time standing up. > > > Anyway, i was telling her that I did have my own place to sleep, but my > mattress was my dad's mattress from his childhood. By the time I was in > about 4th grade it had holes about 4 inches around with bed spring popping > out of them on both sides. I would wake up covered in bruises and scratches > from the springs. My T was shocked. She was pretty much like " that was not > ok. " > > I looked inside for an emotional response - but all I could find was that it > was true. That was how it was. My dad went, after a LONG time of me getting > beat up by my mattress, and bought me one from a second hand store. I don't > know why he did that. . . he had a good, stable job and an advanced degree. > We weren't destitute. I don't know why I was such a low priority. But all I > know is that it was how it was. That was what my parents did and those were > their choices. > > Thoughts guys? My T seemed to think I should be sobbing at the memory - but > to me its just normal. Is that neglect by the way? I guess its not abuse, > but I think it might be neglect. > > And while we are on it, what was everyone's childhood bed like? Perhaps this > is a symbol of my past. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Girlscout, sending you hugs... Did you feel like your dad showed you love in other ways, like the clothes he bought you or toys or something else, so maybe that's why having an old bed didn't really bother you at the time? I don't remember my bed that well. What I do remember, which has come up with my T, is how I have absolutely no idea what I like in terms of design. I have no concept, no voice, no identity in that sense. My father decided what each room would look like. If anyone decorated without his ok, or if I put up a Lennon poster or whatever, he would ridicule it and tell me to take it down. One time, a friend and I went shopping and she asked me what kind of bedspreads I liked best, that is, dainty, southwestern style, etc. I must've looked so ridiculous b/c I said I don't know. Even in the way I dress, I am undifferentiated. Anyhoo, all of that to say, I don't remember my bed very well! > > So my T and were talking about hoarding last night and basically how > uncomfortable my childhood home was.I told her that there were only a couple > of chairs I could sit in without having an allergic reaction because of the > dust, dander and unhygenic conditions. So I spent a lot of time standing up. > > > Anyway, i was telling her that I did have my own place to sleep, but my > mattress was my dad's mattress from his childhood. By the time I was in > about 4th grade it had holes about 4 inches around with bed spring popping > out of them on both sides. I would wake up covered in bruises and scratches > from the springs. My T was shocked. She was pretty much like " that was not > ok. " > > I looked inside for an emotional response - but all I could find was that it > was true. That was how it was. My dad went, after a LONG time of me getting > beat up by my mattress, and bought me one from a second hand store. I don't > know why he did that. . . he had a good, stable job and an advanced degree. > We weren't destitute. I don't know why I was such a low priority. But all I > know is that it was how it was. That was what my parents did and those were > their choices. > > Thoughts guys? My T seemed to think I should be sobbing at the memory - but > to me its just normal. Is that neglect by the way? I guess its not abuse, > but I think it might be neglect. > > And while we are on it, what was everyone's childhood bed like? Perhaps this > is a symbol of my past. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Girlscout, sending you hugs... Did you feel like your dad showed you love in other ways, like the clothes he bought you or toys or something else, so maybe that's why having an old bed didn't really bother you at the time? I don't remember my bed that well. What I do remember, which has come up with my T, is how I have absolutely no idea what I like in terms of design. I have no concept, no voice, no identity in that sense. My father decided what each room would look like. If anyone decorated without his ok, or if I put up a Lennon poster or whatever, he would ridicule it and tell me to take it down. One time, a friend and I went shopping and she asked me what kind of bedspreads I liked best, that is, dainty, southwestern style, etc. I must've looked so ridiculous b/c I said I don't know. Even in the way I dress, I am undifferentiated. Anyhoo, all of that to say, I don't remember my bed very well! > > So my T and were talking about hoarding last night and basically how > uncomfortable my childhood home was.I told her that there were only a couple > of chairs I could sit in without having an allergic reaction because of the > dust, dander and unhygenic conditions. So I spent a lot of time standing up. > > > Anyway, i was telling her that I did have my own place to sleep, but my > mattress was my dad's mattress from his childhood. By the time I was in > about 4th grade it had holes about 4 inches around with bed spring popping > out of them on both sides. I would wake up covered in bruises and scratches > from the springs. My T was shocked. She was pretty much like " that was not > ok. " > > I looked inside for an emotional response - but all I could find was that it > was true. That was how it was. My dad went, after a LONG time of me getting > beat up by my mattress, and bought me one from a second hand store. I don't > know why he did that. . . he had a good, stable job and an advanced degree. > We weren't destitute. I don't know why I was such a low priority. But all I > know is that it was how it was. That was what my parents did and those were > their choices. > > Thoughts guys? My T seemed to think I should be sobbing at the memory - but > to me its just normal. Is that neglect by the way? I guess its not abuse, > but I think it might be neglect. > > And while we are on it, what was everyone's childhood bed like? Perhaps this > is a symbol of my past. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 OMG Annie, those poor kids. A 158 lb 5 year old with rotting teeth. Wow. Those houses do look from the outside a little like my childhood home - though my dad tried to keep up with the yard and things. Or maybe I'm just making excuses for him. Fiona--- Hugs! I hear you about not knowing your own style. I'm afraid I'm the opposite extreme, I have a very distinct style and if someone tries to control it, they are history in my life. I do remember as a little girl I wanted a yellow bedroom and nada took me to pick out wallpaper. Next thing I know, she has all the wallpaper up and has it all finished and she didn't use a single thing that I choose. I was devastated. I was only 5 or 6 years old. Anyway, i wonder if you might be able to have some fun discovering what you like? My T gave me a similar assignment for music - all the music went out of my life about 2 years ago when I quit dancing. And I used to be a musician! I just can't get the energy to go looking for it though, I think I was hurt too bad. Maybe the control issue is why I have my look, my style etc and I will not compromise on it. In fact, if someone teases me about say, painting my nails blue/green/grey or the fact that I look a little different (T says I basically tell a different story each day with my wardrobe) they are almost instantly dead to me. I just can't forgive it. I do not like it when people try to control the way I dress, decorate my house or just visually approach the world. I really have no idea why I approach anything visual with religious fervor, but I'm trying to figure it out. After all, it does leave me open to teasing - because the fact that I look a little different is the first thing people notice about me and comment on. I wear almost entirely vintage and handmade clothes, my boyfriend is a wonderful artist and I organize events to promote the local fashion scene. . . and not everyone likes my style. I actually had a boss who had a major problem with the fact that I dressed too " artsy " and she asked me to wear more navy blue ugh. I mean I like navy blue, but I guarantee the way I would wear it would not be what she has in mind. Ha ha how about a biz suit with a pencil skirt from the 1960s with the big old Audrey Hepburn style collar on the jacket and vintage costume pearls or rhinestones, or a big brooch from the same period. That's what I'd do with the color, with a pink or lime green tank top underneath. I can promise she would not like that. XOXO guys > > > Girlscout, sending you hugs... > Did you feel like your dad showed you love in other ways, like the clothes > he bought you or toys or something else, so maybe that's why having an old > bed didn't really bother you at the time? > > I don't remember my bed that well. > What I do remember, which has come up with my T, is how I have absolutely > no idea what I like in terms of design. I have no concept, no voice, no > identity in that sense. > > My father decided what each room would look like. If anyone decorated > without his ok, or if I put up a Lennon poster or whatever, he would > ridicule it and tell me to take it down. > > One time, a friend and I went shopping and she asked me what kind of > bedspreads I liked best, that is, dainty, southwestern style, etc. I must've > looked so ridiculous b/c I said I don't know. > > Even in the way I dress, I am undifferentiated. > > Anyhoo, all of that to say, I don't remember my bed very well! > > > > > > > So my T and were talking about hoarding last night and basically how > > uncomfortable my childhood home was.I told her that there were only a > couple > > of chairs I could sit in without having an allergic reaction because of > the > > dust, dander and unhygenic conditions. So I spent a lot of time standing > up. > > > > > > Anyway, i was telling her that I did have my own place to sleep, but my > > mattress was my dad's mattress from his childhood. By the time I was in > > about 4th grade it had holes about 4 inches around with bed spring > popping > > out of them on both sides. I would wake up covered in bruises and > scratches > > from the springs. My T was shocked. She was pretty much like " that was > not > > ok. " > > > > I looked inside for an emotional response - but all I could find was that > it > > was true. That was how it was. My dad went, after a LONG time of me > getting > > beat up by my mattress, and bought me one from a second hand store. I > don't > > know why he did that. . . he had a good, stable job and an advanced > degree. > > We weren't destitute. I don't know why I was such a low priority. But all > I > > know is that it was how it was. That was what my parents did and those > were > > their choices. > > > > Thoughts guys? My T seemed to think I should be sobbing at the memory - > but > > to me its just normal. Is that neglect by the way? I guess its not abuse, > > but I think it might be neglect. > > > > And while we are on it, what was everyone's childhood bed like? Perhaps > this > > is a symbol of my past. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 OMG Annie, those poor kids. A 158 lb 5 year old with rotting teeth. Wow. Those houses do look from the outside a little like my childhood home - though my dad tried to keep up with the yard and things. Or maybe I'm just making excuses for him. Fiona--- Hugs! I hear you about not knowing your own style. I'm afraid I'm the opposite extreme, I have a very distinct style and if someone tries to control it, they are history in my life. I do remember as a little girl I wanted a yellow bedroom and nada took me to pick out wallpaper. Next thing I know, she has all the wallpaper up and has it all finished and she didn't use a single thing that I choose. I was devastated. I was only 5 or 6 years old. Anyway, i wonder if you might be able to have some fun discovering what you like? My T gave me a similar assignment for music - all the music went out of my life about 2 years ago when I quit dancing. And I used to be a musician! I just can't get the energy to go looking for it though, I think I was hurt too bad. Maybe the control issue is why I have my look, my style etc and I will not compromise on it. In fact, if someone teases me about say, painting my nails blue/green/grey or the fact that I look a little different (T says I basically tell a different story each day with my wardrobe) they are almost instantly dead to me. I just can't forgive it. I do not like it when people try to control the way I dress, decorate my house or just visually approach the world. I really have no idea why I approach anything visual with religious fervor, but I'm trying to figure it out. After all, it does leave me open to teasing - because the fact that I look a little different is the first thing people notice about me and comment on. I wear almost entirely vintage and handmade clothes, my boyfriend is a wonderful artist and I organize events to promote the local fashion scene. . . and not everyone likes my style. I actually had a boss who had a major problem with the fact that I dressed too " artsy " and she asked me to wear more navy blue ugh. I mean I like navy blue, but I guarantee the way I would wear it would not be what she has in mind. Ha ha how about a biz suit with a pencil skirt from the 1960s with the big old Audrey Hepburn style collar on the jacket and vintage costume pearls or rhinestones, or a big brooch from the same period. That's what I'd do with the color, with a pink or lime green tank top underneath. I can promise she would not like that. XOXO guys > > > Girlscout, sending you hugs... > Did you feel like your dad showed you love in other ways, like the clothes > he bought you or toys or something else, so maybe that's why having an old > bed didn't really bother you at the time? > > I don't remember my bed that well. > What I do remember, which has come up with my T, is how I have absolutely > no idea what I like in terms of design. I have no concept, no voice, no > identity in that sense. > > My father decided what each room would look like. If anyone decorated > without his ok, or if I put up a Lennon poster or whatever, he would > ridicule it and tell me to take it down. > > One time, a friend and I went shopping and she asked me what kind of > bedspreads I liked best, that is, dainty, southwestern style, etc. I must've > looked so ridiculous b/c I said I don't know. > > Even in the way I dress, I am undifferentiated. > > Anyhoo, all of that to say, I don't remember my bed very well! > > > > > > > So my T and were talking about hoarding last night and basically how > > uncomfortable my childhood home was.I told her that there were only a > couple > > of chairs I could sit in without having an allergic reaction because of > the > > dust, dander and unhygenic conditions. So I spent a lot of time standing > up. > > > > > > Anyway, i was telling her that I did have my own place to sleep, but my > > mattress was my dad's mattress from his childhood. By the time I was in > > about 4th grade it had holes about 4 inches around with bed spring > popping > > out of them on both sides. I would wake up covered in bruises and > scratches > > from the springs. My T was shocked. She was pretty much like " that was > not > > ok. " > > > > I looked inside for an emotional response - but all I could find was that > it > > was true. That was how it was. My dad went, after a LONG time of me > getting > > beat up by my mattress, and bought me one from a second hand store. I > don't > > know why he did that. . . he had a good, stable job and an advanced > degree. > > We weren't destitute. I don't know why I was such a low priority. But all > I > > know is that it was how it was. That was what my parents did and those > were > > their choices. > > > > Thoughts guys? My T seemed to think I should be sobbing at the memory - > but > > to me its just normal. Is that neglect by the way? I guess its not abuse, > > but I think it might be neglect. > > > > And while we are on it, what was everyone's childhood bed like? Perhaps > this > > is a symbol of my past. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 OMG Annie, those poor kids. A 158 lb 5 year old with rotting teeth. Wow. Those houses do look from the outside a little like my childhood home - though my dad tried to keep up with the yard and things. Or maybe I'm just making excuses for him. Fiona--- Hugs! I hear you about not knowing your own style. I'm afraid I'm the opposite extreme, I have a very distinct style and if someone tries to control it, they are history in my life. I do remember as a little girl I wanted a yellow bedroom and nada took me to pick out wallpaper. Next thing I know, she has all the wallpaper up and has it all finished and she didn't use a single thing that I choose. I was devastated. I was only 5 or 6 years old. Anyway, i wonder if you might be able to have some fun discovering what you like? My T gave me a similar assignment for music - all the music went out of my life about 2 years ago when I quit dancing. And I used to be a musician! I just can't get the energy to go looking for it though, I think I was hurt too bad. Maybe the control issue is why I have my look, my style etc and I will not compromise on it. In fact, if someone teases me about say, painting my nails blue/green/grey or the fact that I look a little different (T says I basically tell a different story each day with my wardrobe) they are almost instantly dead to me. I just can't forgive it. I do not like it when people try to control the way I dress, decorate my house or just visually approach the world. I really have no idea why I approach anything visual with religious fervor, but I'm trying to figure it out. After all, it does leave me open to teasing - because the fact that I look a little different is the first thing people notice about me and comment on. I wear almost entirely vintage and handmade clothes, my boyfriend is a wonderful artist and I organize events to promote the local fashion scene. . . and not everyone likes my style. I actually had a boss who had a major problem with the fact that I dressed too " artsy " and she asked me to wear more navy blue ugh. I mean I like navy blue, but I guarantee the way I would wear it would not be what she has in mind. Ha ha how about a biz suit with a pencil skirt from the 1960s with the big old Audrey Hepburn style collar on the jacket and vintage costume pearls or rhinestones, or a big brooch from the same period. That's what I'd do with the color, with a pink or lime green tank top underneath. I can promise she would not like that. XOXO guys > > > Girlscout, sending you hugs... > Did you feel like your dad showed you love in other ways, like the clothes > he bought you or toys or something else, so maybe that's why having an old > bed didn't really bother you at the time? > > I don't remember my bed that well. > What I do remember, which has come up with my T, is how I have absolutely > no idea what I like in terms of design. I have no concept, no voice, no > identity in that sense. > > My father decided what each room would look like. If anyone decorated > without his ok, or if I put up a Lennon poster or whatever, he would > ridicule it and tell me to take it down. > > One time, a friend and I went shopping and she asked me what kind of > bedspreads I liked best, that is, dainty, southwestern style, etc. I must've > looked so ridiculous b/c I said I don't know. > > Even in the way I dress, I am undifferentiated. > > Anyhoo, all of that to say, I don't remember my bed very well! > > > > > > > So my T and were talking about hoarding last night and basically how > > uncomfortable my childhood home was.I told her that there were only a > couple > > of chairs I could sit in without having an allergic reaction because of > the > > dust, dander and unhygenic conditions. So I spent a lot of time standing > up. > > > > > > Anyway, i was telling her that I did have my own place to sleep, but my > > mattress was my dad's mattress from his childhood. By the time I was in > > about 4th grade it had holes about 4 inches around with bed spring > popping > > out of them on both sides. I would wake up covered in bruises and > scratches > > from the springs. My T was shocked. She was pretty much like " that was > not > > ok. " > > > > I looked inside for an emotional response - but all I could find was that > it > > was true. That was how it was. My dad went, after a LONG time of me > getting > > beat up by my mattress, and bought me one from a second hand store. I > don't > > know why he did that. . . he had a good, stable job and an advanced > degree. > > We weren't destitute. I don't know why I was such a low priority. But all > I > > know is that it was how it was. That was what my parents did and those > were > > their choices. > > > > Thoughts guys? My T seemed to think I should be sobbing at the memory - > but > > to me its just normal. Is that neglect by the way? I guess its not abuse, > > but I think it might be neglect. > > > > And while we are on it, what was everyone's childhood bed like? Perhaps > this > > is a symbol of my past. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 [i do remember as a little girl I wanted a yellow bedroom and nada took me to pick out wallpaper. Next thing I know, she has all the wallpaper up and has it all finished and she didn't use a single thing that I choose. I was devastated. I was only 5 or 6 years old. Anyway, i wonder if you might be able to have some fun discovering what you like?] ***YES, I would like that. I'm trying to discover that now. I wonder if it's a generational thing, how controlling our parents were. Sheesh! *** [Maybe the control issue is why I have my look, my style etc and I will not > compromise on it.] ***GOOD for you, Girlscout! I really hope to get to where you are. I feel like my lack of identity this way is almost like I want to be unnoticed and invisible. And many times, I do feel that way. *** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 [i do remember as a little girl I wanted a yellow bedroom and nada took me to pick out wallpaper. Next thing I know, she has all the wallpaper up and has it all finished and she didn't use a single thing that I choose. I was devastated. I was only 5 or 6 years old. Anyway, i wonder if you might be able to have some fun discovering what you like?] ***YES, I would like that. I'm trying to discover that now. I wonder if it's a generational thing, how controlling our parents were. Sheesh! *** [Maybe the control issue is why I have my look, my style etc and I will not > compromise on it.] ***GOOD for you, Girlscout! I really hope to get to where you are. I feel like my lack of identity this way is almost like I want to be unnoticed and invisible. And many times, I do feel that way. *** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 [i do remember as a little girl I wanted a yellow bedroom and nada took me to pick out wallpaper. Next thing I know, she has all the wallpaper up and has it all finished and she didn't use a single thing that I choose. I was devastated. I was only 5 or 6 years old. Anyway, i wonder if you might be able to have some fun discovering what you like?] ***YES, I would like that. I'm trying to discover that now. I wonder if it's a generational thing, how controlling our parents were. Sheesh! *** [Maybe the control issue is why I have my look, my style etc and I will not > compromise on it.] ***GOOD for you, Girlscout! I really hope to get to where you are. I feel like my lack of identity this way is almost like I want to be unnoticed and invisible. And many times, I do feel that way. *** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Hey Fiona, Yeah I've spent a lot of my life feeling invisible too. Why is that? > > > [i do remember as a little girl I wanted a yellow bedroom and nada took me > to pick out wallpaper. Next thing I know, she has all the wallpaper up and > has it all finished and she didn't use a single thing that I choose. I was > devastated. I was only 5 or 6 years old. Anyway, i wonder if you might be > able to have some fun discovering what you like?] > ***YES, I would like that. I'm trying to discover that now. I wonder if > it's a generational thing, how controlling our parents were. Sheesh! *** > > [Maybe the control issue is why I have my look, my style etc and I will not > > compromise on it.] > ***GOOD for you, Girlscout! I really hope to get to where you are. I feel > like my lack of identity this way is almost like I want to be unnoticed and > invisible. And many times, I do feel that way. *** > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Hey Fiona, Yeah I've spent a lot of my life feeling invisible too. Why is that? > > > [i do remember as a little girl I wanted a yellow bedroom and nada took me > to pick out wallpaper. Next thing I know, she has all the wallpaper up and > has it all finished and she didn't use a single thing that I choose. I was > devastated. I was only 5 or 6 years old. Anyway, i wonder if you might be > able to have some fun discovering what you like?] > ***YES, I would like that. I'm trying to discover that now. I wonder if > it's a generational thing, how controlling our parents were. Sheesh! *** > > [Maybe the control issue is why I have my look, my style etc and I will not > > compromise on it.] > ***GOOD for you, Girlscout! I really hope to get to where you are. I feel > like my lack of identity this way is almost like I want to be unnoticed and > invisible. And many times, I do feel that way. *** > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Hey Fiona, Yeah I've spent a lot of my life feeling invisible too. Why is that? > > > [i do remember as a little girl I wanted a yellow bedroom and nada took me > to pick out wallpaper. Next thing I know, she has all the wallpaper up and > has it all finished and she didn't use a single thing that I choose. I was > devastated. I was only 5 or 6 years old. Anyway, i wonder if you might be > able to have some fun discovering what you like?] > ***YES, I would like that. I'm trying to discover that now. I wonder if > it's a generational thing, how controlling our parents were. Sheesh! *** > > [Maybe the control issue is why I have my look, my style etc and I will not > > compromise on it.] > ***GOOD for you, Girlscout! I really hope to get to where you are. I feel > like my lack of identity this way is almost like I want to be unnoticed and > invisible. And many times, I do feel that way. *** > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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