Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 I'm so glad you're feeling more up now, Doug! That is such good news. I like your bookcase analogy. I think that approach (the past is the past, etc.) would work well once a person is no longer being actively and repeatedly exposed to fresh injury from the source of their trauma, aka, their borderline parent. Those who are still in contact with their abusive, bpd parent are in the untenable position of trying to put past abuses to rest in the past and not letting the past define us, while at the same time trying to deal with brand new assaults on our emotional health. Anyway, glad to hear of your progress. Best wishes to you! -Annie > > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have had my back in this fight. > > My T, ( love her , btw) said a couple interesting things in our session. > > Borderlines tend to breed and mold more borderlines. They inflict their traits on their children as they learn about relationships from a parent who cannot manage relationships. We need to break that cycle. It is very hard and rare for a Borderline to choose healing and respond to therapy. YOU ( meaning me, but I would expand to , us KO s ) can. > > > You have a bookshelf filled with all sorts of books. Some are the good parts, the successes, the good times, the joys, but you have learned to focus on the dark titles, the black times, the failures. You have learned to manage unhappiness, rather than how to choose happiness. You spend so much time expecting and bracing for the next or worst case crisis, that you lose the joy of the moment you are living in. > > I want you to build in your mind a new bookcase. Start putting the good titles on it. Fill it with those successes and achievements. Let the happy times in. Choose to read those books. Put a door on the old bookcase. The past is not dead, it happened, but it does not have to define you. Remember it, sure. But put up a door, and choose to close it, knowing it is all still there, you can take the strength you need from surviving it, the skills you ve learned from coping with it. But choose to shut the door on that one, and fill the new one with what you will focus on. > > Maybe it was just me. But her words made profound sense. > > So, I paid the 130 bucks an hour. But I ll share the wisdom for free. > > Doug > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 I'm so glad you're feeling more up now, Doug! That is such good news. I like your bookcase analogy. I think that approach (the past is the past, etc.) would work well once a person is no longer being actively and repeatedly exposed to fresh injury from the source of their trauma, aka, their borderline parent. Those who are still in contact with their abusive, bpd parent are in the untenable position of trying to put past abuses to rest in the past and not letting the past define us, while at the same time trying to deal with brand new assaults on our emotional health. Anyway, glad to hear of your progress. Best wishes to you! -Annie > > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have had my back in this fight. > > My T, ( love her , btw) said a couple interesting things in our session. > > Borderlines tend to breed and mold more borderlines. They inflict their traits on their children as they learn about relationships from a parent who cannot manage relationships. We need to break that cycle. It is very hard and rare for a Borderline to choose healing and respond to therapy. YOU ( meaning me, but I would expand to , us KO s ) can. > > > You have a bookshelf filled with all sorts of books. Some are the good parts, the successes, the good times, the joys, but you have learned to focus on the dark titles, the black times, the failures. You have learned to manage unhappiness, rather than how to choose happiness. You spend so much time expecting and bracing for the next or worst case crisis, that you lose the joy of the moment you are living in. > > I want you to build in your mind a new bookcase. Start putting the good titles on it. Fill it with those successes and achievements. Let the happy times in. Choose to read those books. Put a door on the old bookcase. The past is not dead, it happened, but it does not have to define you. Remember it, sure. But put up a door, and choose to close it, knowing it is all still there, you can take the strength you need from surviving it, the skills you ve learned from coping with it. But choose to shut the door on that one, and fill the new one with what you will focus on. > > Maybe it was just me. But her words made profound sense. > > So, I paid the 130 bucks an hour. But I ll share the wisdom for free. > > Doug > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 I'm so glad you're feeling more up now, Doug! That is such good news. I like your bookcase analogy. I think that approach (the past is the past, etc.) would work well once a person is no longer being actively and repeatedly exposed to fresh injury from the source of their trauma, aka, their borderline parent. Those who are still in contact with their abusive, bpd parent are in the untenable position of trying to put past abuses to rest in the past and not letting the past define us, while at the same time trying to deal with brand new assaults on our emotional health. Anyway, glad to hear of your progress. Best wishes to you! -Annie > > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have had my back in this fight. > > My T, ( love her , btw) said a couple interesting things in our session. > > Borderlines tend to breed and mold more borderlines. They inflict their traits on their children as they learn about relationships from a parent who cannot manage relationships. We need to break that cycle. It is very hard and rare for a Borderline to choose healing and respond to therapy. YOU ( meaning me, but I would expand to , us KO s ) can. > > > You have a bookshelf filled with all sorts of books. Some are the good parts, the successes, the good times, the joys, but you have learned to focus on the dark titles, the black times, the failures. You have learned to manage unhappiness, rather than how to choose happiness. You spend so much time expecting and bracing for the next or worst case crisis, that you lose the joy of the moment you are living in. > > I want you to build in your mind a new bookcase. Start putting the good titles on it. Fill it with those successes and achievements. Let the happy times in. Choose to read those books. Put a door on the old bookcase. The past is not dead, it happened, but it does not have to define you. Remember it, sure. But put up a door, and choose to close it, knowing it is all still there, you can take the strength you need from surviving it, the skills you ve learned from coping with it. But choose to shut the door on that one, and fill the new one with what you will focus on. > > Maybe it was just me. But her words made profound sense. > > So, I paid the 130 bucks an hour. But I ll share the wisdom for free. > > Doug > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives. If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B approach. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B or B? Boundaries or Bitchslap! lol. Doug > > I'm so glad you're feeling more up now, Doug! That is such good news. > I like your bookcase analogy. I think that approach (the past is the past, etc.) would work well once a person is no longer being actively and repeatedly exposed to fresh injury from the source of their trauma, aka, their borderline parent. > > Those who are still in contact with their abusive, bpd parent are in the untenable position of trying to put past abuses to rest in the past and not letting the past define us, while at the same time trying to deal with brand new assaults on our emotional health. > > Anyway, glad to hear of your progress. Best wishes to you! > > -Annie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives. If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B approach. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B or B? Boundaries or Bitchslap! lol. Doug > > I'm so glad you're feeling more up now, Doug! That is such good news. > I like your bookcase analogy. I think that approach (the past is the past, etc.) would work well once a person is no longer being actively and repeatedly exposed to fresh injury from the source of their trauma, aka, their borderline parent. > > Those who are still in contact with their abusive, bpd parent are in the untenable position of trying to put past abuses to rest in the past and not letting the past define us, while at the same time trying to deal with brand new assaults on our emotional health. > > Anyway, glad to hear of your progress. Best wishes to you! > > -Annie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives. If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B approach. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B or B? Boundaries or Bitchslap! lol. Doug > > I'm so glad you're feeling more up now, Doug! That is such good news. > I like your bookcase analogy. I think that approach (the past is the past, etc.) would work well once a person is no longer being actively and repeatedly exposed to fresh injury from the source of their trauma, aka, their borderline parent. > > Those who are still in contact with their abusive, bpd parent are in the untenable position of trying to put past abuses to rest in the past and not letting the past define us, while at the same time trying to deal with brand new assaults on our emotional health. > > Anyway, glad to hear of your progress. Best wishes to you! > > -Annie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Glad you're feeling somewhat better Doug. It's so hard, isn't it? To keep fighting this fight... to keep falling into these holes and struggling. But it's worth it. I'm really glad things are looking up for you. I also thank you for sharing what she said with us. I like it, and it's something I do need to work on. SO much I need to work on. Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Glad you're feeling somewhat better Doug. It's so hard, isn't it? To keep fighting this fight... to keep falling into these holes and struggling. But it's worth it. I'm really glad things are looking up for you. I also thank you for sharing what she said with us. I like it, and it's something I do need to work on. SO much I need to work on. Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 LOL Doug, thanks for the laugh Mia > > > Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B > or B? > > Boundaries or Bitchslap! > > lol. > > Doug > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 LOL Doug, thanks for the laugh Mia > > > Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B > or B? > > Boundaries or Bitchslap! > > lol. > > Doug > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 LOL Doug, thanks for the laugh Mia > > > Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B > or B? > > Boundaries or Bitchslap! > > lol. > > Doug > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 > > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have had my back in this fight. Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I have only been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a strong presence on the group. You have provided so much support to everyone and you are always coming up with threads to move us along. I had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression. Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood out of you and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put one foot in front of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have found your posts to be a source of constant strength and I ache to know that you were fending off the monster and I didn't know. Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense. Continued healing! Kay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 > > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have had my back in this fight. Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I have only been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a strong presence on the group. You have provided so much support to everyone and you are always coming up with threads to move us along. I had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression. Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood out of you and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put one foot in front of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have found your posts to be a source of constant strength and I ache to know that you were fending off the monster and I didn't know. Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense. Continued healing! Kay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 > > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have had my back in this fight. Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I have only been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a strong presence on the group. You have provided so much support to everyone and you are always coming up with threads to move us along. I had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression. Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood out of you and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put one foot in front of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have found your posts to be a source of constant strength and I ache to know that you were fending off the monster and I didn't know. Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense. Continued healing! Kay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Gee, Doug, I thought you were going to say copious quantities of B & B liqueur - and Benedictine. ;-) Sent from my blueberry. > I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives. > If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B > approach. > > Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B > or B? > > Boundaries or Bitchslap! > > lol. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Gee, Doug, I thought you were going to say copious quantities of B & B liqueur - and Benedictine. ;-) Sent from my blueberry. > I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives. > If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B > approach. > > Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B > or B? > > Boundaries or Bitchslap! > > lol. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Gee, Doug, I thought you were going to say copious quantities of B & B liqueur - and Benedictine. ;-) Sent from my blueberry. > I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives. > If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B > approach. > > Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B > or B? > > Boundaries or Bitchslap! > > lol. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Wow, been a long time on that! That is what WE need, not Nada! > > > I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives. > > If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B > > approach. > > > > Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B > > or B? > > > > Boundaries or Bitchslap! > > > > lol. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Wow, been a long time on that! That is what WE need, not Nada! > > > I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives. > > If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B > > approach. > > > > Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B > > or B? > > > > Boundaries or Bitchslap! > > > > lol. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Wow, been a long time on that! That is what WE need, not Nada! > > > I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives. > > If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B > > approach. > > > > Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B > > or B? > > > > Boundaries or Bitchslap! > > > > lol. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Yea, about 7 months ago I was really in the depths of it. Not sure where it came from, no changes in situation to account for it. I went in one day to talk to T , not a therapy session, but steering meeting about some support groups I facilitate thru her counseling practice. She stopped me about 5 minutes into whatever I was saying with the bald statement, You re depressed. She wanted me to start on anti depressants and counseling again right away. I argued, bitched, whined, and was just a general ass. She finally got me to take the Beck Depression Inventory. Anything over 21 is depressed. Somewhere around 45 they put you on suicide watch. I hit a 42. She won. Thank God for her. I was really spiralling down. Wasnt writing. Wasnt drawing. Wasnt enjoying life. And didnt care. It has been hard. I nearly gave up. I tried to give up, several times. I didnt care. I ve felt life is worth living again. I can sing again. I ve started to write again. Doug > > > > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have had my back in this fight. > > Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I have only been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a strong presence on the group. You have provided so much support to everyone and you are always coming up with threads to move us along. I > had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression. > > Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood out of you and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put one foot in front of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have found your posts to be a source of constant strength and I ache to know that you were fending off the monster and I didn't know. > > Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense. > Continued healing! Kay > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 sooo glad to hear this doug.. thank goodness for your great support from your therapist.. and your own work on yourself.  i echo the words of others and say you are such an asset to this group, we are sooo glad we have not lost you.  keep up the good work!blessings and healing to all,ann Subject: Re: Bookshelf To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Tuesday, January 25, 2011, 12:59 AM  Yea, about 7 months ago I was really in the depths of it. Not sure where it came from, no changes in situation to account for it. I went in one day to talk to T , not a therapy session, but steering meeting about some support groups I facilitate thru her counseling practice. She stopped me about 5 minutes into whatever I was saying with the bald statement, You re depressed. She wanted me to start on anti depressants and counseling again right away. I argued, bitched, whined, and was just a general ass. She finally got me to take the Beck Depression Inventory. Anything over 21 is depressed. Somewhere around 45 they put you on suicide watch. I hit a 42. She won. Thank God for her. I was really spiralling down. Wasnt writing. Wasnt drawing. Wasnt enjoying life. And didnt care. It has been hard. I nearly gave up. I tried to give up, several times. I didnt care. I ve felt life is worth living again. I can sing again. I ve started to write again. Doug > > > > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have had my back in this fight. > > Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I have only been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a strong presence on the group. You have provided so much support to everyone and you are always coming up with threads to move us along. I > had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression. > > Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood out of you and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put one foot in front of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have found your posts to be a source of constant strength and I ache to know that you were fending off the monster and I didn't know. > > Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense. > Continued healing! Kay > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 sooo glad to hear this doug.. thank goodness for your great support from your therapist.. and your own work on yourself.  i echo the words of others and say you are such an asset to this group, we are sooo glad we have not lost you.  keep up the good work!blessings and healing to all,ann Subject: Re: Bookshelf To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Tuesday, January 25, 2011, 12:59 AM  Yea, about 7 months ago I was really in the depths of it. Not sure where it came from, no changes in situation to account for it. I went in one day to talk to T , not a therapy session, but steering meeting about some support groups I facilitate thru her counseling practice. She stopped me about 5 minutes into whatever I was saying with the bald statement, You re depressed. She wanted me to start on anti depressants and counseling again right away. I argued, bitched, whined, and was just a general ass. She finally got me to take the Beck Depression Inventory. Anything over 21 is depressed. Somewhere around 45 they put you on suicide watch. I hit a 42. She won. Thank God for her. I was really spiralling down. Wasnt writing. Wasnt drawing. Wasnt enjoying life. And didnt care. It has been hard. I nearly gave up. I tried to give up, several times. I didnt care. I ve felt life is worth living again. I can sing again. I ve started to write again. Doug > > > > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have had my back in this fight. > > Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I have only been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a strong presence on the group. You have provided so much support to everyone and you are always coming up with threads to move us along. I > had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression. > > Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood out of you and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put one foot in front of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have found your posts to be a source of constant strength and I ache to know that you were fending off the monster and I didn't know. > > Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense. > Continued healing! Kay > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 sooo glad to hear this doug.. thank goodness for your great support from your therapist.. and your own work on yourself.  i echo the words of others and say you are such an asset to this group, we are sooo glad we have not lost you.  keep up the good work!blessings and healing to all,ann Subject: Re: Bookshelf To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Tuesday, January 25, 2011, 12:59 AM  Yea, about 7 months ago I was really in the depths of it. Not sure where it came from, no changes in situation to account for it. I went in one day to talk to T , not a therapy session, but steering meeting about some support groups I facilitate thru her counseling practice. She stopped me about 5 minutes into whatever I was saying with the bald statement, You re depressed. She wanted me to start on anti depressants and counseling again right away. I argued, bitched, whined, and was just a general ass. She finally got me to take the Beck Depression Inventory. Anything over 21 is depressed. Somewhere around 45 they put you on suicide watch. I hit a 42. She won. Thank God for her. I was really spiralling down. Wasnt writing. Wasnt drawing. Wasnt enjoying life. And didnt care. It has been hard. I nearly gave up. I tried to give up, several times. I didnt care. I ve felt life is worth living again. I can sing again. I ve started to write again. Doug > > > > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have had my back in this fight. > > Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I have only been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a strong presence on the group. You have provided so much support to everyone and you are always coming up with threads to move us along. I > had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression. > > Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood out of you and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put one foot in front of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have found your posts to be a source of constant strength and I ache to know that you were fending off the monster and I didn't know. > > Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense. > Continued healing! Kay > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 Congratulations! Thanks for sharing and reaffirming that there is hope! Kay > > > > > > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel > better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months > struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of > so many of you who have had my back in this fight. > > > > Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I > have only been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a > strong presence on the group. You have provided so much support to > everyone and you are always coming up with threads to move us along. I > > had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression. > > > > Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood > out of you and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put > one foot in front of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have > found your posts to be a source of constant strength and I ache to know > that you were fending off the monster and I didn't know. > > > > Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense. > > Continued healing! Kay > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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