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I'm so glad you're feeling more up now, Doug! That is such good news.

I like your bookcase analogy. I think that approach (the past is the past,

etc.) would work well once a person is no longer being actively and repeatedly

exposed to fresh injury from the source of their trauma, aka, their borderline

parent.

Those who are still in contact with their abusive, bpd parent are in the

untenable position of trying to put past abuses to rest in the past and not

letting the past define us, while at the same time trying to deal with brand

new assaults on our emotional health.

Anyway, glad to hear of your progress. Best wishes to you!

-Annie

>

> I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better,

more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with

depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have

had my back in this fight.

>

> My T, ( love her , btw) said a couple interesting things in our session.

>

> Borderlines tend to breed and mold more borderlines. They inflict their

traits on their children as they learn about relationships from a parent who

cannot manage relationships. We need to break that cycle. It is very hard and

rare for a Borderline to choose healing and respond to therapy. YOU ( meaning

me, but I would expand to , us KO s ) can.

>

>

> You have a bookshelf filled with all sorts of books. Some are the good parts,

the successes, the good times, the joys, but you have learned to focus on the

dark titles, the black times, the failures. You have learned to manage

unhappiness, rather than how to choose happiness. You spend so much time

expecting and bracing for the next or worst case crisis, that you lose the joy

of the moment you are living in.

>

> I want you to build in your mind a new bookcase. Start putting the good

titles on it. Fill it with those successes and achievements. Let the happy

times in. Choose to read those books. Put a door on the old bookcase. The

past is not dead, it happened, but it does not have to define you. Remember it,

sure. But put up a door, and choose to close it, knowing it is all still there,

you can take the strength you need from surviving it, the skills you ve learned

from coping with it. But choose to shut the door on that one, and fill the new

one with what you will focus on.

>

> Maybe it was just me. But her words made profound sense.

>

> So, I paid the 130 bucks an hour. But I ll share the wisdom for free.

>

> Doug

>

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I'm so glad you're feeling more up now, Doug! That is such good news.

I like your bookcase analogy. I think that approach (the past is the past,

etc.) would work well once a person is no longer being actively and repeatedly

exposed to fresh injury from the source of their trauma, aka, their borderline

parent.

Those who are still in contact with their abusive, bpd parent are in the

untenable position of trying to put past abuses to rest in the past and not

letting the past define us, while at the same time trying to deal with brand

new assaults on our emotional health.

Anyway, glad to hear of your progress. Best wishes to you!

-Annie

>

> I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better,

more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with

depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have

had my back in this fight.

>

> My T, ( love her , btw) said a couple interesting things in our session.

>

> Borderlines tend to breed and mold more borderlines. They inflict their

traits on their children as they learn about relationships from a parent who

cannot manage relationships. We need to break that cycle. It is very hard and

rare for a Borderline to choose healing and respond to therapy. YOU ( meaning

me, but I would expand to , us KO s ) can.

>

>

> You have a bookshelf filled with all sorts of books. Some are the good parts,

the successes, the good times, the joys, but you have learned to focus on the

dark titles, the black times, the failures. You have learned to manage

unhappiness, rather than how to choose happiness. You spend so much time

expecting and bracing for the next or worst case crisis, that you lose the joy

of the moment you are living in.

>

> I want you to build in your mind a new bookcase. Start putting the good

titles on it. Fill it with those successes and achievements. Let the happy

times in. Choose to read those books. Put a door on the old bookcase. The

past is not dead, it happened, but it does not have to define you. Remember it,

sure. But put up a door, and choose to close it, knowing it is all still there,

you can take the strength you need from surviving it, the skills you ve learned

from coping with it. But choose to shut the door on that one, and fill the new

one with what you will focus on.

>

> Maybe it was just me. But her words made profound sense.

>

> So, I paid the 130 bucks an hour. But I ll share the wisdom for free.

>

> Doug

>

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I'm so glad you're feeling more up now, Doug! That is such good news.

I like your bookcase analogy. I think that approach (the past is the past,

etc.) would work well once a person is no longer being actively and repeatedly

exposed to fresh injury from the source of their trauma, aka, their borderline

parent.

Those who are still in contact with their abusive, bpd parent are in the

untenable position of trying to put past abuses to rest in the past and not

letting the past define us, while at the same time trying to deal with brand

new assaults on our emotional health.

Anyway, glad to hear of your progress. Best wishes to you!

-Annie

>

> I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better,

more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with

depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have

had my back in this fight.

>

> My T, ( love her , btw) said a couple interesting things in our session.

>

> Borderlines tend to breed and mold more borderlines. They inflict their

traits on their children as they learn about relationships from a parent who

cannot manage relationships. We need to break that cycle. It is very hard and

rare for a Borderline to choose healing and respond to therapy. YOU ( meaning

me, but I would expand to , us KO s ) can.

>

>

> You have a bookshelf filled with all sorts of books. Some are the good parts,

the successes, the good times, the joys, but you have learned to focus on the

dark titles, the black times, the failures. You have learned to manage

unhappiness, rather than how to choose happiness. You spend so much time

expecting and bracing for the next or worst case crisis, that you lose the joy

of the moment you are living in.

>

> I want you to build in your mind a new bookcase. Start putting the good

titles on it. Fill it with those successes and achievements. Let the happy

times in. Choose to read those books. Put a door on the old bookcase. The

past is not dead, it happened, but it does not have to define you. Remember it,

sure. But put up a door, and choose to close it, knowing it is all still there,

you can take the strength you need from surviving it, the skills you ve learned

from coping with it. But choose to shut the door on that one, and fill the new

one with what you will focus on.

>

> Maybe it was just me. But her words made profound sense.

>

> So, I paid the 130 bucks an hour. But I ll share the wisdom for free.

>

> Doug

>

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I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives.

If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B

approach.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B

or B?

Boundaries or Bitchslap!

lol.

Doug

>

> I'm so glad you're feeling more up now, Doug! That is such good news.

> I like your bookcase analogy. I think that approach (the past is the

past, etc.) would work well once a person is no longer being actively

and repeatedly exposed to fresh injury from the source of their trauma,

aka, their borderline parent.

>

> Those who are still in contact with their abusive, bpd parent are in

the untenable position of trying to put past abuses to rest in the past

and not letting the past define us, while at the same time trying to

deal with brand new assaults on our emotional health.

>

> Anyway, glad to hear of your progress. Best wishes to you!

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

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Share on other sites

I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives.

If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B

approach.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B

or B?

Boundaries or Bitchslap!

lol.

Doug

>

> I'm so glad you're feeling more up now, Doug! That is such good news.

> I like your bookcase analogy. I think that approach (the past is the

past, etc.) would work well once a person is no longer being actively

and repeatedly exposed to fresh injury from the source of their trauma,

aka, their borderline parent.

>

> Those who are still in contact with their abusive, bpd parent are in

the untenable position of trying to put past abuses to rest in the past

and not letting the past define us, while at the same time trying to

deal with brand new assaults on our emotional health.

>

> Anyway, glad to hear of your progress. Best wishes to you!

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

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Share on other sites

I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives.

If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B

approach.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B

or B?

Boundaries or Bitchslap!

lol.

Doug

>

> I'm so glad you're feeling more up now, Doug! That is such good news.

> I like your bookcase analogy. I think that approach (the past is the

past, etc.) would work well once a person is no longer being actively

and repeatedly exposed to fresh injury from the source of their trauma,

aka, their borderline parent.

>

> Those who are still in contact with their abusive, bpd parent are in

the untenable position of trying to put past abuses to rest in the past

and not letting the past define us, while at the same time trying to

deal with brand new assaults on our emotional health.

>

> Anyway, glad to hear of your progress. Best wishes to you!

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

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Glad you're feeling somewhat better Doug. It's so hard, isn't it? To keep

fighting this fight... to keep falling into these holes and struggling. But

it's worth it. I'm really glad things are looking up for you.

I also thank you for sharing what she said with us. I like it, and it's

something I do need to work on. SO much I need to work on.

Mia

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Glad you're feeling somewhat better Doug. It's so hard, isn't it? To keep

fighting this fight... to keep falling into these holes and struggling. But

it's worth it. I'm really glad things are looking up for you.

I also thank you for sharing what she said with us. I like it, and it's

something I do need to work on. SO much I need to work on.

Mia

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LOL Doug, thanks for the laugh

Mia

>

>

> Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B

> or B?

>

> Boundaries or Bitchslap!

>

> lol.

>

> Doug

>

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LOL Doug, thanks for the laugh

Mia

>

>

> Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B

> or B?

>

> Boundaries or Bitchslap!

>

> lol.

>

> Doug

>

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LOL Doug, thanks for the laugh

Mia

>

>

> Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B

> or B?

>

> Boundaries or Bitchslap!

>

> lol.

>

> Doug

>

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Share on other sites

>

> I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better,

more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with

depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have

had my back in this fight.

Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I have only

been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a strong presence on

the group. You have provided so much support to everyone and you are always

coming up with threads to move us along. I

had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression.

Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood out of you

and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put one foot in front

of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have found your posts to be a

source of constant strength and I ache to know that you were fending off the

monster and I didn't know.

Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense.

Continued healing! Kay

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>

> I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better,

more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with

depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have

had my back in this fight.

Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I have only

been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a strong presence on

the group. You have provided so much support to everyone and you are always

coming up with threads to move us along. I

had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression.

Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood out of you

and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put one foot in front

of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have found your posts to be a

source of constant strength and I ache to know that you were fending off the

monster and I didn't know.

Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense.

Continued healing! Kay

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>

> I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel better,

more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months struggling with

depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of so many of you who have

had my back in this fight.

Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I have only

been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a strong presence on

the group. You have provided so much support to everyone and you are always

coming up with threads to move us along. I

had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression.

Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood out of you

and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put one foot in front

of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have found your posts to be a

source of constant strength and I ache to know that you were fending off the

monster and I didn't know.

Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense.

Continued healing! Kay

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Gee, Doug, I thought you were going to say copious quantities of B & B liqueur -

and Benedictine.

;-)

Sent from my blueberry.

> I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives.

> If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B

> approach.

>

> Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B

> or B?

>

> Boundaries or Bitchslap!

>

> lol.

>

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Gee, Doug, I thought you were going to say copious quantities of B & B liqueur -

and Benedictine.

;-)

Sent from my blueberry.

> I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives.

> If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B

> approach.

>

> Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B

> or B?

>

> Boundaries or Bitchslap!

>

> lol.

>

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Gee, Doug, I thought you were going to say copious quantities of B & B liqueur -

and Benedictine.

;-)

Sent from my blueberry.

> I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our lives.

> If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B

> approach.

>

> Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck is B

> or B?

>

> Boundaries or Bitchslap!

>

> lol.

>

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Wow, been a long time on that! That is what WE need, not Nada!

>

> > I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our

lives.

> > If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B

> > approach.

> >

> > Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck

is B

> > or B?

> >

> > Boundaries or Bitchslap!

> >

> > lol.

> >

>

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Wow, been a long time on that! That is what WE need, not Nada!

>

> > I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our

lives.

> > If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B

> > approach.

> >

> > Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck

is B

> > or B?

> >

> > Boundaries or Bitchslap!

> >

> > lol.

> >

>

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Wow, been a long time on that! That is what WE need, not Nada!

>

> > I m more and more convinced that we must claim ownership of our

lives.

> > If our BP parents are still in our lives, we need to use the B or B

> > approach.

> >

> > Waiting. Waiting. Waiting, hears the wheels turning. What the heck

is B

> > or B?

> >

> > Boundaries or Bitchslap!

> >

> > lol.

> >

>

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Yea, about 7 months ago I was really in the depths of it. Not sure

where it came from, no changes in situation to account for it.

I went in one day to talk to T , not a therapy session, but steering

meeting about some support groups I facilitate thru her counseling

practice. She stopped me about 5 minutes into whatever I was saying

with the bald statement, You re depressed.

She wanted me to start on anti depressants and counseling again right

away. I argued, bitched, whined, and was just a general ass. She

finally got me to take the Beck Depression Inventory. Anything over 21

is depressed. Somewhere around 45 they put you on suicide watch. I hit

a 42.

She won. Thank God for her. I was really spiralling down. Wasnt

writing. Wasnt drawing. Wasnt enjoying life. And didnt care.

It has been hard. I nearly gave up. I tried to give up, several times.

I didnt care.

I ve felt life is worth living again.

I can sing again.

I ve started to write again.

Doug

> >

> > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel

better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months

struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of

so many of you who have had my back in this fight.

>

> Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I

have only been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a

strong presence on the group. You have provided so much support to

everyone and you are always coming up with threads to move us along. I

> had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression.

>

> Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood

out of you and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put

one foot in front of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have

found your posts to be a source of constant strength and I ache to know

that you were fending off the monster and I didn't know.

>

> Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense.

> Continued healing! Kay

>

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sooo glad to hear this doug.. thank goodness for your great support from your

therapist.. and your own work on yourself.  i echo the words of others and say

you are such an asset to this group, we are sooo glad we have not lost you.

 keep up the good work!blessings and healing to all,ann

Subject: Re: Bookshelf

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, January 25, 2011, 12:59 AM

 

Yea, about 7 months ago I was really in the depths of it. Not sure

where it came from, no changes in situation to account for it.

I went in one day to talk to T , not a therapy session, but steering

meeting about some support groups I facilitate thru her counseling

practice. She stopped me about 5 minutes into whatever I was saying

with the bald statement, You re depressed.

She wanted me to start on anti depressants and counseling again right

away. I argued, bitched, whined, and was just a general ass. She

finally got me to take the Beck Depression Inventory. Anything over 21

is depressed. Somewhere around 45 they put you on suicide watch. I hit

a 42.

She won. Thank God for her. I was really spiralling down. Wasnt

writing. Wasnt drawing. Wasnt enjoying life. And didnt care.

It has been hard. I nearly gave up. I tried to give up, several times.

I didnt care.

I ve felt life is worth living again.

I can sing again.

I ve started to write again.

Doug

> >

> > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel

better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months

struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of

so many of you who have had my back in this fight.

>

> Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I

have only been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a

strong presence on the group. You have provided so much support to

everyone and you are always coming up with threads to move us along. I

> had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression.

>

> Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood

out of you and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put

one foot in front of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have

found your posts to be a source of constant strength and I ache to know

that you were fending off the monster and I didn't know.

>

> Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense.

> Continued healing! Kay

>

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Share on other sites

sooo glad to hear this doug.. thank goodness for your great support from your

therapist.. and your own work on yourself.  i echo the words of others and say

you are such an asset to this group, we are sooo glad we have not lost you.

 keep up the good work!blessings and healing to all,ann

Subject: Re: Bookshelf

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, January 25, 2011, 12:59 AM

 

Yea, about 7 months ago I was really in the depths of it. Not sure

where it came from, no changes in situation to account for it.

I went in one day to talk to T , not a therapy session, but steering

meeting about some support groups I facilitate thru her counseling

practice. She stopped me about 5 minutes into whatever I was saying

with the bald statement, You re depressed.

She wanted me to start on anti depressants and counseling again right

away. I argued, bitched, whined, and was just a general ass. She

finally got me to take the Beck Depression Inventory. Anything over 21

is depressed. Somewhere around 45 they put you on suicide watch. I hit

a 42.

She won. Thank God for her. I was really spiralling down. Wasnt

writing. Wasnt drawing. Wasnt enjoying life. And didnt care.

It has been hard. I nearly gave up. I tried to give up, several times.

I didnt care.

I ve felt life is worth living again.

I can sing again.

I ve started to write again.

Doug

> >

> > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel

better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months

struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of

so many of you who have had my back in this fight.

>

> Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I

have only been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a

strong presence on the group. You have provided so much support to

everyone and you are always coming up with threads to move us along. I

> had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression.

>

> Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood

out of you and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put

one foot in front of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have

found your posts to be a source of constant strength and I ache to know

that you were fending off the monster and I didn't know.

>

> Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense.

> Continued healing! Kay

>

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Share on other sites

sooo glad to hear this doug.. thank goodness for your great support from your

therapist.. and your own work on yourself.  i echo the words of others and say

you are such an asset to this group, we are sooo glad we have not lost you.

 keep up the good work!blessings and healing to all,ann

Subject: Re: Bookshelf

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, January 25, 2011, 12:59 AM

 

Yea, about 7 months ago I was really in the depths of it. Not sure

where it came from, no changes in situation to account for it.

I went in one day to talk to T , not a therapy session, but steering

meeting about some support groups I facilitate thru her counseling

practice. She stopped me about 5 minutes into whatever I was saying

with the bald statement, You re depressed.

She wanted me to start on anti depressants and counseling again right

away. I argued, bitched, whined, and was just a general ass. She

finally got me to take the Beck Depression Inventory. Anything over 21

is depressed. Somewhere around 45 they put you on suicide watch. I hit

a 42.

She won. Thank God for her. I was really spiralling down. Wasnt

writing. Wasnt drawing. Wasnt enjoying life. And didnt care.

It has been hard. I nearly gave up. I tried to give up, several times.

I didnt care.

I ve felt life is worth living again.

I can sing again.

I ve started to write again.

Doug

> >

> > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel

better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months

struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of

so many of you who have had my back in this fight.

>

> Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I

have only been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a

strong presence on the group. You have provided so much support to

everyone and you are always coming up with threads to move us along. I

> had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression.

>

> Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood

out of you and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put

one foot in front of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have

found your posts to be a source of constant strength and I ache to know

that you were fending off the monster and I didn't know.

>

> Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense.

> Continued healing! Kay

>

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Congratulations! Thanks for sharing and reaffirming that there is hope!

Kay

> > >

> > > I had a good session with T today. For one thing, beginning to feel

> better, more balanced, optimistic about life, after many months

> struggling with depression. And thanks for the thoughts and prayers of

> so many of you who have had my back in this fight.

> >

> > Doug, I found myself deeply moved by your struggle with depression. I

> have only been on WTO for about a month now and you have been such a

> strong presence on the group. You have provided so much support to

> everyone and you are always coming up with threads to move us along. I

> > had no idea you were fighting the good fight against depression.

> >

> > Depression is a monster it sneaks up on you and sucks the life blood

> out of you and leaves you listless and drained. It makes it hard to put

> one foot in front of the other, and it robs you of any pleasure. I have

> found your posts to be a source of constant strength and I ache to know

> that you were fending off the monster and I didn't know.

> >

> > Thank you for sharing the bookshelf analogy! It makes a lot of sense.

> > Continued healing! Kay

> >

>

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