What about confronting my abusers?

[Guest guest]

" The Adult Survivors of Child Abuse " is an organization that offers both on-line

and in-person support groups for those who were emotionally, physically or

sexually abused, neglected, exploited, etc., by their parents or other family

members as a child.

Here's their link. They have a 21-step program " Survivor To Thriver " (with

manual) for overcoming the damage done and getting on with one's life; there is

a sort-of-interactive version of their program manual available online and they

have an on-line support forum like this one in addition to in-person meet ups.

www.ascasupport.org/

I was skimming through their manual when I came across this section:

" Chapter 1, Pg 13: What About Confronting My Abusers?

This is a very difficult question, and one that only you can answer for

yourself. Step 18 of ASCA reads: " I have resolved the abuse with my offenders to

the extent that is acceptable to me. " For some survivors, this means an internal

coming to terms with the abuse and the abuser(s) but does not involve direct

confrontation. For others, it means direct confrontation, either face-to-face or

by letter or phone. *For still others it may mean writing articles, stories,

newspaper op-ed pieces or by speaking out in public gatherings. And for still

others it may mean pursuing legal action to gain restitution for the abuse

suffered.* Every survivor is different in his/her need to confront the

abuser(s). Neither ASCA nor THE MORRIS CENTER has a policy or position on

confrontation. Instead, we believe that each survivor must make this choice

individually. We do, however,encourage survivors to think carefully about their

options and the consequences of their choices. "

I find it SO validating that choosing to speak out publicly against child abuse

(including advocating that child abusers be held accountable for their actions,

that pursuing legal action and recompense can work for some, pointing out that

those who are unable to control their negative, damaging acting-out behaviors

are too mentally ill to be raising children, etc.) is listed as a good way for

the former victims of child abuse to gain healing and resolution... and I find

it particularly validating because I was banned at bpdfamily.com for advocating

that!

AND I find it highly ironic that bpdfamily.com posts this same ASCA 21-step

recovery program manual at their site!

I was told that I was banned because I was too stuck in anger, that advocating

confrontation of the abuser and pursuing legal action against the abuser (who

happen to be parents who have bpd) was " unhealthy " for the children of bpd

parents and " insensitive " to and " lacking in compassion " for those with bpd.

So, I can only conclude that the owners and/or moderators at bpdfamily.com must

have a different agenda regarding tolerance, reconciliation and forgiveness RE

the adult children of abusive bpd parents than they do for those in chosen

relationships with a person with bpd (where the emphasis seems to be on

self-preservation and detachment instead of reconciliation and forgiveness.)

Why there is a different policy, I have no idea!

But I have to admit that I feel angry about being banned because it feels unfair

to me, and I guess I am sensitive about unfairness.

But, I can share my thoughts freely here and I AM grateful for that.

-Annie