Custody of a younger sibling

[Guest guest]

My nada and I have been LC to NC over the last year. I have two younger

siblings: a brother and an adopted sister (adopted by nada and step-father). My

brother is out of the home and sister is 12.

Several incidents have happened over the last year between nada, step-father and

sister, including three runaway attempts by sister, nada moving out for a stint

and the most recent being a family brawl in the driveway where the cops were

called.

Step-father called me last night and asked if I would let sister come and live

with me. Without hesitation, I said yes. Step-father had moved into a hotel

and sister was staying with the babysitter, all of these things unknown to nada.

The phone calls from babysitter started around 8pm. Nada was calling her and

having her call me to get in touch with step-father (he wasn't answering his

phone when she called.) I told babysitter he was safe and to let it be. Three

more phone calls and I decided to rescue the poor woman, so I called nada. Ugh.

What a mistake.

She was irrational, crazed and evil. Conversation did not end well. I ended up

feeling like I had let my sister and step-father down and cried myself to sleep.

Step-father doesn't have much of a backbone when it comes to nada and I have a

feeling everyone will be back in the house together before the end of the day.

Old habits die hard.

I don't want her to have to grow up in that environment. I want her to grow up

physically and emotionally safe. Anyone else have a similar situation?

It seems like everyone around nada knows things are bad, but no one has the guts

to come together and end this nonsense. I can't do it alone...

[Guest guest]

Hi Karly,

I have 4 little siblings still at home and I would absolutely love to have

custody of them for similar reasons (they still live at home with fada and

dishrag mom) so I really feel your pain! I finally built up the courage to

call CPS to inform them of the unsafe home conditions with mental and

emotional and verbal abuse.

Maybe you can call CPS and tell them all of what's going on, including

step-father's request that sister live with you, and voice your concern that

step father might get suckered back in because of FOG and you're afraid of

the ill impact it would have on your sister. That would be my first step,

and by telling them of step-father's request, I'm hoping that it will make

CPS see that having sister live with you would be better for her.

I hope that everything works out, and please keep us updated--how wonderful

it is to have a good big sister! Sadly when I went LC with folks (though I

kept sending siblings cards and gifts) my fada and nada told me not to do

that anymore, and fearful of any restraining orders, etc, I complied. I

really really wish I was still involved in their lives, to give them

encouragement...

sigh.

Good luck, Karly

Holly

>

>

> My nada and I have been LC to NC over the last year. I have two younger

> siblings: a brother and an adopted sister (adopted by nada and step-father).

> My brother is out of the home and sister is 12.

>

> Several incidents have happened over the last year between nada,

> step-father and sister, including three runaway attempts by sister, nada

> moving out for a stint and the most recent being a family brawl in the

> driveway where the cops were called.

>

> Step-father called me last night and asked if I would let sister come and

> live with me. Without hesitation, I said yes. Step-father had moved into a

> hotel and sister was staying with the babysitter, all of these things

> unknown to nada.

>

> The phone calls from babysitter started around 8pm. Nada was calling her

> and having her call me to get in touch with step-father (he wasn't answering

> his phone when she called.) I told babysitter he was safe and to let it be.

> Three more phone calls and I decided to rescue the poor woman, so I called

> nada. Ugh. What a mistake.

>

> She was irrational, crazed and evil. Conversation did not end well. I ended

> up feeling like I had let my sister and step-father down and cried myself to

> sleep. Step-father doesn't have much of a backbone when it comes to nada and

> I have a feeling everyone will be back in the house together before the end

> of the day. Old habits die hard.

>

> I don't want her to have to grow up in that environment. I want her to grow

> up physically and emotionally safe. Anyone else have a similar situation?

>

> It seems like everyone around nada knows things are bad, but no one has the

> guts to come together and end this nonsense. I can't do it alone...

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Karly,

I have 4 little siblings still at home and I would absolutely love to have

custody of them for similar reasons (they still live at home with fada and

dishrag mom) so I really feel your pain! I finally built up the courage to

call CPS to inform them of the unsafe home conditions with mental and

emotional and verbal abuse.

Maybe you can call CPS and tell them all of what's going on, including

step-father's request that sister live with you, and voice your concern that

step father might get suckered back in because of FOG and you're afraid of

the ill impact it would have on your sister. That would be my first step,

and by telling them of step-father's request, I'm hoping that it will make

CPS see that having sister live with you would be better for her.

I hope that everything works out, and please keep us updated--how wonderful

it is to have a good big sister! Sadly when I went LC with folks (though I

kept sending siblings cards and gifts) my fada and nada told me not to do

that anymore, and fearful of any restraining orders, etc, I complied. I

really really wish I was still involved in their lives, to give them

encouragement...

sigh.

Good luck, Karly

Holly

>

>

> My nada and I have been LC to NC over the last year. I have two younger

> siblings: a brother and an adopted sister (adopted by nada and step-father).

> My brother is out of the home and sister is 12.

>

> Several incidents have happened over the last year between nada,

> step-father and sister, including three runaway attempts by sister, nada

> moving out for a stint and the most recent being a family brawl in the

> driveway where the cops were called.

>

> Step-father called me last night and asked if I would let sister come and

> live with me. Without hesitation, I said yes. Step-father had moved into a

> hotel and sister was staying with the babysitter, all of these things

> unknown to nada.

>

> The phone calls from babysitter started around 8pm. Nada was calling her

> and having her call me to get in touch with step-father (he wasn't answering

> his phone when she called.) I told babysitter he was safe and to let it be.

> Three more phone calls and I decided to rescue the poor woman, so I called

> nada. Ugh. What a mistake.

>

> She was irrational, crazed and evil. Conversation did not end well. I ended

> up feeling like I had let my sister and step-father down and cried myself to

> sleep. Step-father doesn't have much of a backbone when it comes to nada and

> I have a feeling everyone will be back in the house together before the end

> of the day. Old habits die hard.

>

> I don't want her to have to grow up in that environment. I want her to grow

> up physically and emotionally safe. Anyone else have a similar situation?

>

> It seems like everyone around nada knows things are bad, but no one has the

> guts to come together and end this nonsense. I can't do it alone...

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

What a courageous and compassionate human being you are. I consider people like

you to be heroes. Your little sister certainly would see you as that.

My advice is that its time to consult with a family law attorney.

Your nada is so low-functioning that she now has a record of public disturbance,

which is a factor in favor of you getting custody. Your step-father would

probably be willing to testify and plead legally for you to receive custody. At

12, I believe children are given some say-so in custody issues.

It would be a very big change in your life, but if you could manage it with your

step-father's emotional support, it would make a huge positive difference in

this little girl's life, I'd be willing to bet.

I'm also willing to bet that there are meetup support groups for foster parents,

or blended families, where you can get in-person emotional support and advice.

Best of luck to you, I think you're awesome just for wanting to help. That's a

rare quality these days.

-Annie

>

> My nada and I have been LC to NC over the last year. I have two younger

siblings: a brother and an adopted sister (adopted by nada and step-father). My

brother is out of the home and sister is 12.

>

> Several incidents have happened over the last year between nada, step-father

and sister, including three runaway attempts by sister, nada moving out for a

stint and the most recent being a family brawl in the driveway where the cops

were called.

>

> Step-father called me last night and asked if I would let sister come and live

with me. Without hesitation, I said yes. Step-father had moved into a hotel

and sister was staying with the babysitter, all of these things unknown to nada.

>

> The phone calls from babysitter started around 8pm. Nada was calling her and

having her call me to get in touch with step-father (he wasn't answering his

phone when she called.) I told babysitter he was safe and to let it be. Three

more phone calls and I decided to rescue the poor woman, so I called nada. Ugh.

What a mistake.

>

> She was irrational, crazed and evil. Conversation did not end well. I ended

up feeling like I had let my sister and step-father down and cried myself to

sleep. Step-father doesn't have much of a backbone when it comes to nada and I

have a feeling everyone will be back in the house together before the end of the

day. Old habits die hard.

>

> I don't want her to have to grow up in that environment. I want her to grow

up physically and emotionally safe. Anyone else have a similar situation?

>

> It seems like everyone around nada knows things are bad, but no one has the

guts to come together and end this nonsense. I can't do it alone...

>

[Guest guest]

What a courageous and compassionate human being you are. I consider people like

you to be heroes. Your little sister certainly would see you as that.

My advice is that its time to consult with a family law attorney.

Your nada is so low-functioning that she now has a record of public disturbance,

which is a factor in favor of you getting custody. Your step-father would

probably be willing to testify and plead legally for you to receive custody. At

12, I believe children are given some say-so in custody issues.

It would be a very big change in your life, but if you could manage it with your

step-father's emotional support, it would make a huge positive difference in

this little girl's life, I'd be willing to bet.

I'm also willing to bet that there are meetup support groups for foster parents,

or blended families, where you can get in-person emotional support and advice.

Best of luck to you, I think you're awesome just for wanting to help. That's a

rare quality these days.

-Annie

>

> My nada and I have been LC to NC over the last year. I have two younger

siblings: a brother and an adopted sister (adopted by nada and step-father). My

brother is out of the home and sister is 12.

>

> Several incidents have happened over the last year between nada, step-father

and sister, including three runaway attempts by sister, nada moving out for a

stint and the most recent being a family brawl in the driveway where the cops

were called.

>

> Step-father called me last night and asked if I would let sister come and live

with me. Without hesitation, I said yes. Step-father had moved into a hotel

and sister was staying with the babysitter, all of these things unknown to nada.

>

> The phone calls from babysitter started around 8pm. Nada was calling her and

having her call me to get in touch with step-father (he wasn't answering his

phone when she called.) I told babysitter he was safe and to let it be. Three

more phone calls and I decided to rescue the poor woman, so I called nada. Ugh.

What a mistake.

>

> She was irrational, crazed and evil. Conversation did not end well. I ended

up feeling like I had let my sister and step-father down and cried myself to

sleep. Step-father doesn't have much of a backbone when it comes to nada and I

have a feeling everyone will be back in the house together before the end of the

day. Old habits die hard.

>

> I don't want her to have to grow up in that environment. I want her to grow

up physically and emotionally safe. Anyone else have a similar situation?

>

> It seems like everyone around nada knows things are bad, but no one has the

guts to come together and end this nonsense. I can't do it alone...

>

[Guest guest]

What a courageous and compassionate human being you are. I consider people like

you to be heroes. Your little sister certainly would see you as that.

My advice is that its time to consult with a family law attorney.

Your nada is so low-functioning that she now has a record of public disturbance,

which is a factor in favor of you getting custody. Your step-father would

probably be willing to testify and plead legally for you to receive custody. At

12, I believe children are given some say-so in custody issues.

It would be a very big change in your life, but if you could manage it with your

step-father's emotional support, it would make a huge positive difference in

this little girl's life, I'd be willing to bet.

I'm also willing to bet that there are meetup support groups for foster parents,

or blended families, where you can get in-person emotional support and advice.

Best of luck to you, I think you're awesome just for wanting to help. That's a

rare quality these days.

-Annie

>

> My nada and I have been LC to NC over the last year. I have two younger

siblings: a brother and an adopted sister (adopted by nada and step-father). My

brother is out of the home and sister is 12.

>

> Several incidents have happened over the last year between nada, step-father

and sister, including three runaway attempts by sister, nada moving out for a

stint and the most recent being a family brawl in the driveway where the cops

were called.

>

> Step-father called me last night and asked if I would let sister come and live

with me. Without hesitation, I said yes. Step-father had moved into a hotel

and sister was staying with the babysitter, all of these things unknown to nada.

>

> The phone calls from babysitter started around 8pm. Nada was calling her and

having her call me to get in touch with step-father (he wasn't answering his

phone when she called.) I told babysitter he was safe and to let it be. Three

more phone calls and I decided to rescue the poor woman, so I called nada. Ugh.

What a mistake.

>

> She was irrational, crazed and evil. Conversation did not end well. I ended

up feeling like I had let my sister and step-father down and cried myself to

sleep. Step-father doesn't have much of a backbone when it comes to nada and I

have a feeling everyone will be back in the house together before the end of the

day. Old habits die hard.

>

> I don't want her to have to grow up in that environment. I want her to grow

up physically and emotionally safe. Anyone else have a similar situation?

>

> It seems like everyone around nada knows things are bad, but no one has the

guts to come together and end this nonsense. I can't do it alone...

>

[Guest guest]

Karly,

I wish you good luck in helping your sister. I hope you can

arrange for her to come live with you.

I have a half-sister who is twenty years younger than me. I

ended up with a lot of unpleasantness in my life that was caused

by trying to ensure that the effects of nada's behavior towards

here were minimized. When my sister was about four, nada decided

that she had to leave her second husband. (She'd provoked him to

the point of pushing her to the floor one night, so splitting

with him was probably a good choice for both of them.) Since she

claimed she couldn't afford to rent a decent place to live on

her own, I agreed to rent a house with her until the divorce was

settled and she got her share of the money from their house.

Living with nada was horrible, but at least it didn't last long.

She got her divorce settlement money and used it to buy a

one-bedroom condo in a suburb that had schools I didn't approve

of and lots of residents who weren't very tolerant of people who

didn't look, act and think like them. Nada and Sister shared the

single bedroom. When my sister was about 12 I moved to the city

where I now live. Houses here were cheap. It was becoming

increasingly obvious that my sister needed to be somewhere else,

with better schools and with some privacy and her own bedroom,

and that she needed to have a sane adult to turn to when nada

was being crazy. So I talked my nada into moving here and buying

a two-unit house that a friend of mine was selling. I moved into

the upstairs apartment and she and my sister lived downstairs.

The rent that nada charged me was only a little more than I'd

been paying previously. Nada made my life a living hell at

times, but I thought it was important to continue with the

arrangement for my sister's sake. I kept telling myself I'd

leave as soon as my sister finished high school and went off to

college. Nada actually moved out and left my sister alone

downstairs during her last year of high school and I ended up

figuring out that I had to make nice to nada for another four

years to get her to fill out the paperwork that the government

required students to file in order to get financial aid.

I'd do it all over again, even knowing how bad it would get, for

the sake of my sister. She's the best sister I could ask for. I

never tried to get custody of her although there were plenty of

times I thought about it. I don't think I would have had any

trouble showing that nada was an unfit mother when my sister was

younger, but then the courts would probably have sent her to

live with her father and grandmother who had a different set of

mental issues that weren't conducive to good child-rearing. I

don't think that would have been an improvement.

At 12:27 PM 01/11/2011 Karly wrote:

>My nada and I have been LC to NC over the last year. I have

>two younger siblings: a brother and an adopted sister (adopted

>by nada and step-father). My brother is out of the home and

>sister is 12.

>

>Several incidents have happened over the last year between

>nada, step-father and sister, including three runaway attempts

>by sister, nada moving out for a stint and the most recent

>being a family brawl in the driveway where the cops were called.

>

>Step-father called me last night and asked if I would let

>sister come and live with me. Without hesitation, I said

>yes. Step-father had moved into a hotel and sister was staying

>with the babysitter, all of these things unknown to nada.

>

>The phone calls from babysitter started around 8pm. Nada was

>calling her and having her call me to get in touch with

>step-father (he wasn't answering his phone when she called.) I

>told babysitter he was safe and to let it be. Three more phone

>calls and I decided to rescue the poor woman, so I called

>nada. Ugh. What a mistake.

>

>She was irrational, crazed and evil. Conversation did not end

>well. I ended up feeling like I had let my sister and

>step-father down and cried myself to sleep. Step-father

>doesn't have much of a backbone when it comes to nada and I

>have a feeling everyone will be back in the house together

>before the end of the day. Old habits die hard.

>

>I don't want her to have to grow up in that environment. I

>want her to grow up physically and emotionally safe. Anyone

>else have a similar situation?

>

>It seems like everyone around nada knows things are bad, but no

>one has the guts to come together and end this nonsense. I

>can't do it alone...

--

Katrina