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Hello all,

I am the daughter of a mother with BPD. Wow, that is the first time I have

really said anything like that out loud. I have been in and out of counseling

for about 3 years now, and while my mother will NEVER admit that she needs some

amount of counseling, between discussions with my father, his counselor, my

counselor, we have determined that my mother suffers for BPD. I have recently

read a few books about BPD, and it was like reading about my mother in a book,

that was the only way to describe it. I could hear and picture my mothers voice

while reading the books.

Over the past three years (I am in my early twenties and an only child) I have

steadily learned ways how to deal with my mother (or, from reading the other

posts, I believe you refer to her as nada?) However, I have no one to really

talk to who is going through the same thing. My father is extremely passive,

and has always let my mother run over the top of both of us (He has never stood

up to her)and is always trying to smooth the situation over.

I will be going home for thanksgiving this week, and I am currently suffering

from minor panic attacks because of this. This is because I know that when I go

home, i will inevitably be attacked by my mother at some point or another. I am

trying my best here, but I constantly feel like I am walking on egg shells.

My mother is extremely obese and only leaves the house once a week to go grocery

shopping. She has only one friend (who speaks to her sparatically), and speaks

to no one in her family (all other friends and family have since cut her off).

Therefore, my father and I get the brunt of everything. One time she screamed

at me because I bought a book (it was $6 and I bought it with my money) and

didn't use a coupon. My mother starts an argument at least once a day. She has

only threatened suicide once, and I told her that if she ever did it again,I

would call the police and report her. She has not done this since, and that was

3 years ago.

Last year, my mother blamed me for " ruining thanksgiving. " What really happened

was my mother screamed and picked at me all day long until I finally told her

" enough " and she burst into tears and said that I ruined thanksgiving, like I

ruin everyday in general and every holiday. She proceed to cry into her turkey

about how I was a terrible child and then ordered me to go upstairs into my

room.

When I went up there, she ordered me to " get down here you little c*nt, I cooked

you dinner and you will F*cking eat it! " I came down and sat at the table and

began to cry, I couldn't help it. She proceed to scream at me the rest of the

night.

This year, she has already started with " you better not ruin thanksgiving this

year like you did last year. " I am in a situation where I have no choice but to

go home for thanksgiving. I would really appreciate some advice as to how to

deal with this situation.

Thank you so much for this wonderful safe place,

Jade