Re: Thanksgiving is coming!!!

November 22, 2010

Hi ,

Are you new? If so, Welcome to the Group. If not, a belated welcome from me!

My suggestion is to read " Stop Walking On Eggshells " and other books that teach

you how to create and maintain reasonable boundaries with a

personality-disordered loved one.

Such as, for example, deciding that you only make one phone call a week to mom,

for just 20 minutes, and otherwise you forward all her calls to an answering

machine and just erase them without listening to them.

The boundary or boundaries are totally up to you, they're your " rules of

engagement " so to speak.

Its hard to realize that as an adult you do have the right to a private,

separate, and joyful adult life apart from your mother and that your mother's

dramas and chaos and emotional neediness are not your responsibility.

Your mother does not have the right to be intrusive and disruptive to your

marriage and home, and its inappropriate for her to treat you like her parent or

her therapist or her rescuer or her servant. Those expectations are both

inappropriate and unrealistic.

If your mother is chronically unhappy then she has the choice on a moment by

moment basis every day to seek therapy for herself so she can learn to

self-monitor her emotions, learn to self-regulate her reactions and behaviors

more effectively, learn to self-soothe, and evolve into a more emotionally

healthy and happy individual. She is choosing not to do that, she is choosing

instead to try to make you rescue her.

I urge you to read about and educate yourself about personality disorder, about

co-dependence, and about boundary-setting so your new marriage can just be about

you and your husband, not about you and your husband and your mother.

-Annie

>

> Mom is going crazy with her emotions again and it is stressing me and my new

husband of only 2months out! anyhow, my sister who is 24 is moving the first

weekend of december and my little brother lives at home. I dunno she is just

making insane drama again because I do not bother with her.

>

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