Re: Finally just cut her off of Facebook entirely

[Guest guest]

Okay, she's BLOCKED now.

>

> I should've " unfriended " her entirely but that seemed so drastic and I didn't

want to hurt her feelings. Well, after I went through all these measures so she

could only see and not comment on anything, she found some way to comment on a

post a made about my marathon training and I am just so pissed off. And I feel

like she just took something away from me. My training has nothing to do with

her and I want her to have no ability to know anything about it or me. I'm so

pissed. I had a 17 mile run today and I completed it in exactly the time I

wanted to. My training log is linked to update Facebook because a lot of my

friends are athletes too and we share training updates. All she did was post to

my wall " I'm glad you're training is going so well. "

>

> How dare she!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to break something right now! I want

to just put my fist through a wall! I swear with the rage I'm feeling right this

minute I could go run another 17 miles.

>

> So I just bit the bullet and completely blocked her from Facebook. Well, no

wait, I unfriended her. So I guess I need to log back on and block her

completely. Okay, be right back guys.

>

> Grrrrrr!!!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

Okay, she's BLOCKED now.

>

> I should've " unfriended " her entirely but that seemed so drastic and I didn't

want to hurt her feelings. Well, after I went through all these measures so she

could only see and not comment on anything, she found some way to comment on a

post a made about my marathon training and I am just so pissed off. And I feel

like she just took something away from me. My training has nothing to do with

her and I want her to have no ability to know anything about it or me. I'm so

pissed. I had a 17 mile run today and I completed it in exactly the time I

wanted to. My training log is linked to update Facebook because a lot of my

friends are athletes too and we share training updates. All she did was post to

my wall " I'm glad you're training is going so well. "

>

> How dare she!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to break something right now! I want

to just put my fist through a wall! I swear with the rage I'm feeling right this

minute I could go run another 17 miles.

>

> So I just bit the bullet and completely blocked her from Facebook. Well, no

wait, I unfriended her. So I guess I need to log back on and block her

completely. Okay, be right back guys.

>

> Grrrrrr!!!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

Okay, she's BLOCKED now.

>

> I should've " unfriended " her entirely but that seemed so drastic and I didn't

want to hurt her feelings. Well, after I went through all these measures so she

could only see and not comment on anything, she found some way to comment on a

post a made about my marathon training and I am just so pissed off. And I feel

like she just took something away from me. My training has nothing to do with

her and I want her to have no ability to know anything about it or me. I'm so

pissed. I had a 17 mile run today and I completed it in exactly the time I

wanted to. My training log is linked to update Facebook because a lot of my

friends are athletes too and we share training updates. All she did was post to

my wall " I'm glad you're training is going so well. "

>

> How dare she!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to break something right now! I want

to just put my fist through a wall! I swear with the rage I'm feeling right this

minute I could go run another 17 miles.

>

> So I just bit the bullet and completely blocked her from Facebook. Well, no

wait, I unfriended her. So I guess I need to log back on and block her

completely. Okay, be right back guys.

>

> Grrrrrr!!!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

I know that's a hard step, but I'd like to offer you a friendly pat on the

back as well as a hug and a " congrats " of encouragement!

Mia

>

>

> Okay, she's BLOCKED now.

>

[Guest guest]

I know that's a hard step, but I'd like to offer you a friendly pat on the

back as well as a hug and a " congrats " of encouragement!

Mia

>

>

> Okay, she's BLOCKED now.

>

[Guest guest]

I know that's a hard step, but I'd like to offer you a friendly pat on the

back as well as a hug and a " congrats " of encouragement!

Mia

>

>

> Okay, she's BLOCKED now.

>

[Guest guest]

Is it wrong that I find any contact from her to be abuse?

Thanks for the pat on the back, Mia!

>

> >

> >

> > Okay, she's BLOCKED now.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Is it wrong that I find any contact from her to be abuse?

Thanks for the pat on the back, Mia!

>

> >

> >

> > Okay, she's BLOCKED now.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Is it wrong that I find any contact from her to be abuse?

Thanks for the pat on the back, Mia!

>

> >

> >

> > Okay, she's BLOCKED now.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I wouldn't say wrong, per say... but perhaps a little skewed? I don't know.

I know there have been times when I've read a seemingly innocent comment in

my email or facebook from my nada, got all bent out of shape & then thought

" it seems so innocent " . But is it? We're talking about master manipulators

here.

Bottom line, each & every one of us has to do what feels right for our

sanity, safety & happiness. If nada's making you feel insane, unsafe or

unhappy... well, cutting off facebook contact isn't such a horrible thing to

do at all! I get it, I bet most the KOs here get it.

Hang in there!

Mia

>

>

> Is it wrong that I find any contact from her to be abuse?

>

> Thanks for the pat on the back, Mia!

>

[Guest guest]

I wouldn't say wrong, per say... but perhaps a little skewed? I don't know.

I know there have been times when I've read a seemingly innocent comment in

my email or facebook from my nada, got all bent out of shape & then thought

" it seems so innocent " . But is it? We're talking about master manipulators

here.

Bottom line, each & every one of us has to do what feels right for our

sanity, safety & happiness. If nada's making you feel insane, unsafe or

unhappy... well, cutting off facebook contact isn't such a horrible thing to

do at all! I get it, I bet most the KOs here get it.

Hang in there!

Mia

>

>

> Is it wrong that I find any contact from her to be abuse?

>

> Thanks for the pat on the back, Mia!

>

[Guest guest]

I wouldn't say wrong, per say... but perhaps a little skewed? I don't know.

I know there have been times when I've read a seemingly innocent comment in

my email or facebook from my nada, got all bent out of shape & then thought

" it seems so innocent " . But is it? We're talking about master manipulators

here.

Bottom line, each & every one of us has to do what feels right for our

sanity, safety & happiness. If nada's making you feel insane, unsafe or

unhappy... well, cutting off facebook contact isn't such a horrible thing to

do at all! I get it, I bet most the KOs here get it.

Hang in there!

Mia

>

>

> Is it wrong that I find any contact from her to be abuse?

>

> Thanks for the pat on the back, Mia!

>

[Guest guest]

Dancer,

I felt the same way when my nada found a way to start texting me from a new

phone number. It was SUCH an invasion, and it cracked through my peace of mind

like a whip in the space-time continuum. & I paid a pretty penny to block her

number from my phone entirely. As hard as I try to block her from being able to

email me, she still finds ways to show up in my junk mail folder (I think

because she's sending responses to messages *I* sent many years ago). And it's

not an email address I can change because it's a school address, already set.

And it's not wrong if you find any contact with nada to be abuse because,

especially for split blacks, sometimes it all is. My nada lives as a tyrant who

attempts to gain every bit of contact with her by force--usually by

psychological and emotional manipulation. Literally every word she says has a

purpose--and it's NOT communication. The purpose is always to serve a need of

hers; and remember, her need is to harm others. So she either wants to molest

by merging or cruelly insult, cripple and harm me; and if she's talking about

another person, she wants me to participate in her grave insults/manipulations

or molestations of *them*. Even in the most benign appearing moments, she is

either trying to merge in a most molesting way, or she is trying to force me to

help her pretend she is 'good' and non-harmful when she knows darn tootin' well

she's not. So, yes, with my nada at least, ANY contact is harmful, any contact

at all, and so I've had to cut it all out. This took 8 years to discover and

come to terms with, but it is a huge relief to be completely authentic, now, all

the time. Years have passed now that I have not been manipulated into a lie, a

forced smile, a lose-lose scenario, a humiliation that I had to pretend was not

an insult or risk looking even worse if I tried to defend myself or point it

out.

It is not an overreation to say every word some nadas say constitutes abuse.

And if you are feeling it, it is most likely true.

-Charlotte

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Okay, she's BLOCKED now.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Dancer,

I felt the same way when my nada found a way to start texting me from a new

phone number. It was SUCH an invasion, and it cracked through my peace of mind

like a whip in the space-time continuum. & I paid a pretty penny to block her

number from my phone entirely. As hard as I try to block her from being able to

email me, she still finds ways to show up in my junk mail folder (I think

because she's sending responses to messages *I* sent many years ago). And it's

not an email address I can change because it's a school address, already set.

And it's not wrong if you find any contact with nada to be abuse because,

especially for split blacks, sometimes it all is. My nada lives as a tyrant who

attempts to gain every bit of contact with her by force--usually by

psychological and emotional manipulation. Literally every word she says has a

purpose--and it's NOT communication. The purpose is always to serve a need of

hers; and remember, her need is to harm others. So she either wants to molest

by merging or cruelly insult, cripple and harm me; and if she's talking about

another person, she wants me to participate in her grave insults/manipulations

or molestations of *them*. Even in the most benign appearing moments, she is

either trying to merge in a most molesting way, or she is trying to force me to

help her pretend she is 'good' and non-harmful when she knows darn tootin' well

she's not. So, yes, with my nada at least, ANY contact is harmful, any contact

at all, and so I've had to cut it all out. This took 8 years to discover and

come to terms with, but it is a huge relief to be completely authentic, now, all

the time. Years have passed now that I have not been manipulated into a lie, a

forced smile, a lose-lose scenario, a humiliation that I had to pretend was not

an insult or risk looking even worse if I tried to defend myself or point it

out.

It is not an overreation to say every word some nadas say constitutes abuse.

And if you are feeling it, it is most likely true.

-Charlotte

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Okay, she's BLOCKED now.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Yes, seemingly innocent or even kind contact from a Nada is not that. At

least for the witch/queen with dashes of hermit and waif, every word and

gesture is a building block for abuse. If she is kind, it is so she can

claim credit for being kind from an audience. If she is ill, it is because

she is enjoying the waify victim role and her illness is ALL your fault. And

on and on it goes. So yes, I applaud you for blocking. Mine would be blocked

if she knew how to use a computer. Instead, her minnions are all blocked.

On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 5:59 PM, charlottehoneychurch <

charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote:

>

>

> Dancer,

>

> I felt the same way when my nada found a way to start texting me from a new

> phone number. It was SUCH an invasion, and it cracked through my peace of

> mind like a whip in the space-time continuum. & I paid a pretty penny to

> block her number from my phone entirely. As hard as I try to block her from

> being able to email me, she still finds ways to show up in my junk mail

> folder (I think because she's sending responses to messages *I* sent many

> years ago). And it's not an email address I can change because it's a school

> address, already set.

>

> And it's not wrong if you find any contact with nada to be abuse because,

> especially for split blacks, sometimes it all is. My nada lives as a tyrant

> who attempts to gain every bit of contact with her by force--usually by

> psychological and emotional manipulation. Literally every word she says has

> a purpose--and it's NOT communication. The purpose is always to serve a need

> of hers; and remember, her need is to harm others. So she either wants to

> molest by merging or cruelly insult, cripple and harm me; and if she's

> talking about another person, she wants me to participate in her grave

> insults/manipulations or molestations of *them*. Even in the most benign

> appearing moments, she is either trying to merge in a most molesting way, or

> she is trying to force me to help her pretend she is 'good' and non-harmful

> when she knows darn tootin' well she's not. So, yes, with my nada at least,

> ANY contact is harmful, any contact at all, and so I've had to cut it all

> out. This took 8 years to discover and come to terms with, but it is a huge

> relief to be completely authentic, now, all the time. Years have passed now

> that I have not been manipulated into a lie, a forced smile, a lose-lose

> scenario, a humiliation that I had to pretend was not an insult or risk

> looking even worse if I tried to defend myself or point it out.

>

> It is not an overreation to say every word some nadas say constitutes

> abuse. And if you are feeling it, it is most likely true.

>

> -Charlotte

>

>

>

> > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Okay, she's BLOCKED now.

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Yes, seemingly innocent or even kind contact from a Nada is not that. At

least for the witch/queen with dashes of hermit and waif, every word and

gesture is a building block for abuse. If she is kind, it is so she can

claim credit for being kind from an audience. If she is ill, it is because

she is enjoying the waify victim role and her illness is ALL your fault. And

on and on it goes. So yes, I applaud you for blocking. Mine would be blocked

if she knew how to use a computer. Instead, her minnions are all blocked.

On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 5:59 PM, charlottehoneychurch <

charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote:

>

>

> Dancer,

>

> I felt the same way when my nada found a way to start texting me from a new

> phone number. It was SUCH an invasion, and it cracked through my peace of

> mind like a whip in the space-time continuum. & I paid a pretty penny to

> block her number from my phone entirely. As hard as I try to block her from

> being able to email me, she still finds ways to show up in my junk mail

> folder (I think because she's sending responses to messages *I* sent many

> years ago). And it's not an email address I can change because it's a school

> address, already set.

>

> And it's not wrong if you find any contact with nada to be abuse because,

> especially for split blacks, sometimes it all is. My nada lives as a tyrant

> who attempts to gain every bit of contact with her by force--usually by

> psychological and emotional manipulation. Literally every word she says has

> a purpose--and it's NOT communication. The purpose is always to serve a need

> of hers; and remember, her need is to harm others. So she either wants to

> molest by merging or cruelly insult, cripple and harm me; and if she's

> talking about another person, she wants me to participate in her grave

> insults/manipulations or molestations of *them*. Even in the most benign

> appearing moments, she is either trying to merge in a most molesting way, or

> she is trying to force me to help her pretend she is 'good' and non-harmful

> when she knows darn tootin' well she's not. So, yes, with my nada at least,

> ANY contact is harmful, any contact at all, and so I've had to cut it all

> out. This took 8 years to discover and come to terms with, but it is a huge

> relief to be completely authentic, now, all the time. Years have passed now

> that I have not been manipulated into a lie, a forced smile, a lose-lose

> scenario, a humiliation that I had to pretend was not an insult or risk

> looking even worse if I tried to defend myself or point it out.

>

> It is not an overreation to say every word some nadas say constitutes

> abuse. And if you are feeling it, it is most likely true.

>

> -Charlotte

>

>

>

> > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Okay, she's BLOCKED now.

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Yes, seemingly innocent or even kind contact from a Nada is not that. At

least for the witch/queen with dashes of hermit and waif, every word and

gesture is a building block for abuse. If she is kind, it is so she can

claim credit for being kind from an audience. If she is ill, it is because

she is enjoying the waify victim role and her illness is ALL your fault. And

on and on it goes. So yes, I applaud you for blocking. Mine would be blocked

if she knew how to use a computer. Instead, her minnions are all blocked.

On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 5:59 PM, charlottehoneychurch <

charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote:

>

>

> Dancer,

>

> I felt the same way when my nada found a way to start texting me from a new

> phone number. It was SUCH an invasion, and it cracked through my peace of

> mind like a whip in the space-time continuum. & I paid a pretty penny to

> block her number from my phone entirely. As hard as I try to block her from

> being able to email me, she still finds ways to show up in my junk mail

> folder (I think because she's sending responses to messages *I* sent many

> years ago). And it's not an email address I can change because it's a school

> address, already set.

>

> And it's not wrong if you find any contact with nada to be abuse because,

> especially for split blacks, sometimes it all is. My nada lives as a tyrant

> who attempts to gain every bit of contact with her by force--usually by

> psychological and emotional manipulation. Literally every word she says has

> a purpose--and it's NOT communication. The purpose is always to serve a need

> of hers; and remember, her need is to harm others. So she either wants to

> molest by merging or cruelly insult, cripple and harm me; and if she's

> talking about another person, she wants me to participate in her grave

> insults/manipulations or molestations of *them*. Even in the most benign

> appearing moments, she is either trying to merge in a most molesting way, or

> she is trying to force me to help her pretend she is 'good' and non-harmful

> when she knows darn tootin' well she's not. So, yes, with my nada at least,

> ANY contact is harmful, any contact at all, and so I've had to cut it all

> out. This took 8 years to discover and come to terms with, but it is a huge

> relief to be completely authentic, now, all the time. Years have passed now

> that I have not been manipulated into a lie, a forced smile, a lose-lose

> scenario, a humiliation that I had to pretend was not an insult or risk

> looking even worse if I tried to defend myself or point it out.

>

> It is not an overreation to say every word some nadas say constitutes

> abuse. And if you are feeling it, it is most likely true.

>

> -Charlotte

>

>

>

> > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Okay, she's BLOCKED now.

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

*sigh of relief*

Thank you ALL for the validation. I also blocked my stepdad, and first I just

wanted to let him know that I was taking them off Facebook because it bothers me

(and he would understand) but then I just decided, he's on it SO little, that he

probably won't even notice. Now I'm waiting to see what happens next. She'll

figure out that she's been blocked and then I'm going to have to answer for it.

I think I will just lie and say that I'm no longer using Facebook. I don't

really have any other family on it anyways.

[Guest guest]

*sigh of relief*

Thank you ALL for the validation. I also blocked my stepdad, and first I just

wanted to let him know that I was taking them off Facebook because it bothers me

(and he would understand) but then I just decided, he's on it SO little, that he

probably won't even notice. Now I'm waiting to see what happens next. She'll

figure out that she's been blocked and then I'm going to have to answer for it.

I think I will just lie and say that I'm no longer using Facebook. I don't

really have any other family on it anyways.

[Guest guest]

Sometimes yes, we have to completely cut off contact when our parents continue

to be abusive or intrusive and are in denial about it. If your bpd parents

refuse to admit they have a problem, refuse to get therapy, and either can't or

won't acknowledge that their negative, toxic behaviors are genuinely hurting us,

their minor and adult children, then they leave us little choice but to distance

ourselves for our own protection.

You have the *right* to protect yourself from emotional abuse, and you have the

right to a private adult life (married or single) that is separate from your

foo.

When contact with your parent(s) continues to inflict more emotional, physical

or financial harm on you, then, its difficult if not impossible to recover and

heal from the damage, because you're continually being re-injured.

Sometimes a " time out " , or a separation from the source of our trauma is needed

for recovery time, processing time, and healing.

Kudos to you for having the courage to protect yourself, I know it isn't easy by

any stretch of the imagination.

And as always, you have the choice that if your abusive parents' do show they

are willing to get treatment and modify their behaviors toward you, then, you

can re-evaluate the need for total no-contact.

-Annie

>

> *sigh of relief*

>

> Thank you ALL for the validation. I also blocked my stepdad, and first I just

wanted to let him know that I was taking them off Facebook because it bothers me

(and he would understand) but then I just decided, he's on it SO little, that he

probably won't even notice. Now I'm waiting to see what happens next. She'll

figure out that she's been blocked and then I'm going to have to answer for it.

I think I will just lie and say that I'm no longer using Facebook. I don't

really have any other family on it anyways.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Just an aside... when I read foo (family of origin) I always think of the

band foo fighters... that's what we are, foo fighters... fighting off the

foo lol.

I'm not even really familiar with their music, just know the name. I'm not

even sure if it's spelled fu or foo!

Mia

On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 10:49 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> Sometimes yes, we have to completely cut off contact when our parents

> continue to be abusive or intrusive and are in denial about it. If your bpd

> parents refuse to admit they have a problem, refuse to get therapy, and

> either can't or won't acknowledge that their negative, toxic behaviors are

> genuinely hurting us, their minor and adult children, then they leave us

> little choice but to distance ourselves for our own protection.

>

> You have the *right* to protect yourself from emotional abuse, and you have

> the right to a private adult life (married or single) that is separate from

> your foo.

>

[Guest guest]

Just an aside... when I read foo (family of origin) I always think of the

band foo fighters... that's what we are, foo fighters... fighting off the

foo lol.

I'm not even really familiar with their music, just know the name. I'm not

even sure if it's spelled fu or foo!

Mia

On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 10:49 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> Sometimes yes, we have to completely cut off contact when our parents

> continue to be abusive or intrusive and are in denial about it. If your bpd

> parents refuse to admit they have a problem, refuse to get therapy, and

> either can't or won't acknowledge that their negative, toxic behaviors are

> genuinely hurting us, their minor and adult children, then they leave us

> little choice but to distance ourselves for our own protection.

>

> You have the *right* to protect yourself from emotional abuse, and you have

> the right to a private adult life (married or single) that is separate from

> your foo.

>

[Guest guest]

Just an aside... when I read foo (family of origin) I always think of the

band foo fighters... that's what we are, foo fighters... fighting off the

foo lol.

I'm not even really familiar with their music, just know the name. I'm not

even sure if it's spelled fu or foo!

Mia

On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 10:49 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> Sometimes yes, we have to completely cut off contact when our parents

> continue to be abusive or intrusive and are in denial about it. If your bpd

> parents refuse to admit they have a problem, refuse to get therapy, and

> either can't or won't acknowledge that their negative, toxic behaviors are

> genuinely hurting us, their minor and adult children, then they leave us

> little choice but to distance ourselves for our own protection.

>

> You have the *right* to protect yourself from emotional abuse, and you have

> the right to a private adult life (married or single) that is separate from

> your foo.

>

[Guest guest]

Mia, you just made my day. I LOVE the Foo Fighters! I think I will go listen to

them instead of waste time thinking of my stupid nada!

>

> >

> >

> > Sometimes yes, we have to completely cut off contact when our parents

> > continue to be abusive or intrusive and are in denial about it. If your bpd

> > parents refuse to admit they have a problem, refuse to get therapy, and

> > either can't or won't acknowledge that their negative, toxic behaviors are

> > genuinely hurting us, their minor and adult children, then they leave us

> > little choice but to distance ourselves for our own protection.

> >

> > You have the *right* to protect yourself from emotional abuse, and you have

> > the right to a private adult life (married or single) that is separate from

> > your foo.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mia, you just made my day. I LOVE the Foo Fighters! I think I will go listen to

them instead of waste time thinking of my stupid nada!

>

> >

> >

> > Sometimes yes, we have to completely cut off contact when our parents

> > continue to be abusive or intrusive and are in denial about it. If your bpd

> > parents refuse to admit they have a problem, refuse to get therapy, and

> > either can't or won't acknowledge that their negative, toxic behaviors are

> > genuinely hurting us, their minor and adult children, then they leave us

> > little choice but to distance ourselves for our own protection.

> >

> > You have the *right* to protect yourself from emotional abuse, and you have

> > the right to a private adult life (married or single) that is separate from

> > your foo.

> >

>

>

>