Re: need to vent

[Guest guest]

I'm sure you'll find a way, I'm so greatful that our was paid for. It cost

$6600. so $2200 doessn't sound all that bad

Need to vent

I just got off of the phone again with my insurance company Cigna. They make

me so angry. They will not cover it because it isn't a medical nessecity! I

am thinking neither was tying my tubes! I am so down and crying cause I

don't have any idea on how I am going to get the money. My DH bless his

heart is paying all of these bills on his own and to even ask him to help me

with the money for this would be so selfish of me. We both want the TR but I

need to find a way right now to get $2200. :-( kia

[Guest guest]

I'm sure you'll find a way, I'm so greatful that our was paid for. It cost

$6600. so $2200 doessn't sound all that bad

Need to vent

I just got off of the phone again with my insurance company Cigna. They make

me so angry. They will not cover it because it isn't a medical nessecity! I

am thinking neither was tying my tubes! I am so down and crying cause I

don't have any idea on how I am going to get the money. My DH bless his

heart is paying all of these bills on his own and to even ask him to help me

with the money for this would be so selfish of me. We both want the TR but I

need to find a way right now to get $2200. :-( kia

[Guest guest]

I'm sure you'll find a way, I'm so greatful that our was paid for. It cost

$6600. so $2200 doessn't sound all that bad

Need to vent

I just got off of the phone again with my insurance company Cigna. They make

me so angry. They will not cover it because it isn't a medical nessecity! I

am thinking neither was tying my tubes! I am so down and crying cause I

don't have any idea on how I am going to get the money. My DH bless his

heart is paying all of these bills on his own and to even ask him to help me

with the money for this would be so selfish of me. We both want the TR but I

need to find a way right now to get $2200. :-( kia

[Guest guest]

I think 2200 is alot when you have to come up with it... 6600 is alot more

but nothing when its paid for..... It was hard to save even a hundred when

saving for mine.... I paid CASH 5,700 and I can tell you Everytime we saved

a penny We needed a Dollar..... It is hard to save that...... I can

sympatize with these woman Taxes are what helped us and Only since I am

still with the same man Rick and I were separated once and I can tell you I

got his taxes if he had an EX like most do here I would still be waiting....

" FRIENDS ARE ANGELS WHO LIFT US TO OUR FEET WHEN OUR WINGS HAVE

TROUBLE REMEMBERING HOW TO FLY " .

-31

DH- Rick-31

DS- Ricky 12

DD-Brittany 11

DD- Clarissa 10

FD- le 5 Presently not with us:-(

TL- 12/92

TR- Dr. Levin 3/13/03

Left 6.5 cm

Right 6cm

Need to vent

>

>

> I just got off of the phone again with my insurance company Cigna. They

make

> me so angry. They will not cover it because it isn't a medical

nessecity! I

> am thinking neither was tying my tubes! I am so down and crying cause I

> don't have any idea on how I am going to get the money. My DH bless his

> heart is paying all of these bills on his own and to even ask him to

help me

> with the money for this would be so selfish of me. We both want the TR

but I

> need to find a way right now to get $2200. :-( kia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think 2200 is alot when you have to come up with it... 6600 is alot more

but nothing when its paid for..... It was hard to save even a hundred when

saving for mine.... I paid CASH 5,700 and I can tell you Everytime we saved

a penny We needed a Dollar..... It is hard to save that...... I can

sympatize with these woman Taxes are what helped us and Only since I am

still with the same man Rick and I were separated once and I can tell you I

got his taxes if he had an EX like most do here I would still be waiting....

" FRIENDS ARE ANGELS WHO LIFT US TO OUR FEET WHEN OUR WINGS HAVE

TROUBLE REMEMBERING HOW TO FLY " .

-31

DH- Rick-31

DS- Ricky 12

DD-Brittany 11

DD- Clarissa 10

FD- le 5 Presently not with us:-(

TL- 12/92

TR- Dr. Levin 3/13/03

Left 6.5 cm

Right 6cm

Need to vent

>

>

> I just got off of the phone again with my insurance company Cigna. They

make

> me so angry. They will not cover it because it isn't a medical

nessecity! I

> am thinking neither was tying my tubes! I am so down and crying cause I

> don't have any idea on how I am going to get the money. My DH bless his

> heart is paying all of these bills on his own and to even ask him to

help me

> with the money for this would be so selfish of me. We both want the TR

but I

> need to find a way right now to get $2200. :-( kia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think 2200 is alot when you have to come up with it... 6600 is alot more

but nothing when its paid for..... It was hard to save even a hundred when

saving for mine.... I paid CASH 5,700 and I can tell you Everytime we saved

a penny We needed a Dollar..... It is hard to save that...... I can

sympatize with these woman Taxes are what helped us and Only since I am

still with the same man Rick and I were separated once and I can tell you I

got his taxes if he had an EX like most do here I would still be waiting....

" FRIENDS ARE ANGELS WHO LIFT US TO OUR FEET WHEN OUR WINGS HAVE

TROUBLE REMEMBERING HOW TO FLY " .

-31

DH- Rick-31

DS- Ricky 12

DD-Brittany 11

DD- Clarissa 10

FD- le 5 Presently not with us:-(

TL- 12/92

TR- Dr. Levin 3/13/03

Left 6.5 cm

Right 6cm

Need to vent

>

>

> I just got off of the phone again with my insurance company Cigna. They

make

> me so angry. They will not cover it because it isn't a medical

nessecity! I

> am thinking neither was tying my tubes! I am so down and crying cause I

> don't have any idea on how I am going to get the money. My DH bless his

> heart is paying all of these bills on his own and to even ask him to

help me

> with the money for this would be so selfish of me. We both want the TR

but I

> need to find a way right now to get $2200. :-( kia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

-who have you found to do this for 2200????-- In

TubalLigationReversal , kiakids9212@a... wrote:

> I just got off of the phone again with my insurance company Cigna.

They make

> me so angry. They will not cover it because it isn't a medical

nessecity! I

> am thinking neither was tying my tubes! I am so down and crying

cause I

> don't have any idea on how I am going to get the money. My DH

bless his

> heart is paying all of these bills on his own and to even ask him

to help me

> with the money for this would be so selfish of me. We both want

the TR but I

> need to find a way right now to get $2200. :-( kia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

-who have you found to do this for 2200????-- In

TubalLigationReversal , kiakids9212@a... wrote:

> I just got off of the phone again with my insurance company Cigna.

They make

> me so angry. They will not cover it because it isn't a medical

nessecity! I

> am thinking neither was tying my tubes! I am so down and crying

cause I

> don't have any idea on how I am going to get the money. My DH

bless his

> heart is paying all of these bills on his own and to even ask him

to help me

> with the money for this would be so selfish of me. We both want

the TR but I

> need to find a way right now to get $2200. :-( kia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

-who have you found to do this for 2200????-- In

TubalLigationReversal , kiakids9212@a... wrote:

> I just got off of the phone again with my insurance company Cigna.

They make

> me so angry. They will not cover it because it isn't a medical

nessecity! I

> am thinking neither was tying my tubes! I am so down and crying

cause I

> don't have any idea on how I am going to get the money. My DH

bless his

> heart is paying all of these bills on his own and to even ask him

to help me

> with the money for this would be so selfish of me. We both want

the TR but I

> need to find a way right now to get $2200. :-( kia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Crazy Life,

I'm sorry everything is coming to a head. I don't know if you can relate to your

husband that what your mother/sister do to you make you feel so bad about

yourself that, to be healthy and have self-respect, you cannot allow them to do

so. So even though it's difficult to cut them out, you can't just " get over it " ,

it's painful and will take some time. And ask him to be there for you because

you need him, and also because you want to protect him from them too.? I sort of

wish I had a significant other to rely on right now, but in some ways, it's

easier because I don't have to explain to anyone why I'm doing this.

I've been venting a lot too lately. Please feel free to vent anytime you need

to. I'm sorry you're getting a lot of bad news right now. When it rains it

pours, right?

You are not a loser. You are not worthless. We believe you about you sister and

mother, because we have all been there. You are not crazy, you are not a bad

daughter, you are not a bad sister. Think about your children. You are teaching

them to have self-respect by having it for yourself.

My estranged brother used to say this to me when I would get upset and feel like

the world was crumbling, and it really helped--and it was so simple. " It's going

to be okay. "

I don't know why that phrase helped, maybe it was just good for me to hear it

from someone else. So " it's going to be okay. "

One thing I started to do that helped me too was to not label events as good or

bad (although I struggle with this). So if something happens, it's just

something that happened, and then I determine a response, but not trying to put

and good or bad on it.

I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day too.

[Guest guest]

Hey Crazy Life,

I'm sorry everything is coming to a head. I don't know if you can relate to your

husband that what your mother/sister do to you make you feel so bad about

yourself that, to be healthy and have self-respect, you cannot allow them to do

so. So even though it's difficult to cut them out, you can't just " get over it " ,

it's painful and will take some time. And ask him to be there for you because

you need him, and also because you want to protect him from them too.? I sort of

wish I had a significant other to rely on right now, but in some ways, it's

easier because I don't have to explain to anyone why I'm doing this.

I've been venting a lot too lately. Please feel free to vent anytime you need

to. I'm sorry you're getting a lot of bad news right now. When it rains it

pours, right?

You are not a loser. You are not worthless. We believe you about you sister and

mother, because we have all been there. You are not crazy, you are not a bad

daughter, you are not a bad sister. Think about your children. You are teaching

them to have self-respect by having it for yourself.

My estranged brother used to say this to me when I would get upset and feel like

the world was crumbling, and it really helped--and it was so simple. " It's going

to be okay. "

I don't know why that phrase helped, maybe it was just good for me to hear it

from someone else. So " it's going to be okay. "

One thing I started to do that helped me too was to not label events as good or

bad (although I struggle with this). So if something happens, it's just

something that happened, and then I determine a response, but not trying to put

and good or bad on it.

I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day too.

[Guest guest]

Alcrazylife, I know how you feel. Please try not to take to heart the hurtful

comments and thoughtless opinions of your family and others who just don't get

it. This is the thing: They DON'T GET IT. Even your husband -- mine is the same

way, believing that it is high time I " got over it " and " grew up. " Arrrghh!

Nobody wants that more than I do, but as you say, we feel trapped in the anxiety

and fear and low self-esteem that was generated by all this negativity from the

BPDs in our lives, even if those BPDs are no longer near us -- but yours are, so

you've got it worse than most!!! All I can say is you're not alone, and try to

create an alternate reality of some kind -- since you can't leave your small

town with all your relatives in it (I'm from a small town too), maybe carve out

a world within a world. I'm not a social person, so when people tell me to

" create my own family " by finding friends with similar interests, this does not

really appeal. But I am trying to find that world within a world that isn't

really full of people yet is still nourishing in some way -- the world of my own

particular hobbies and interests and things I find beautiful. As I say, I'm

still working on this world, so it is far from complete, and an outsider would

say, " Oh, so you want to live in your fantasies -- like a crazy person? " ... For

now, perhaps, yes. Because I think when the real world around us is toxic, and

we come to realize this, we need to seek safety away from it, however that's

possible.

These people who undermine you -- they might not be doing it on purpose, they

might be mentally ill and can't help themselves. But they are still hurting you.

And you deserve a safe place. Is it this site, is it in books or movies, is it

(if you're the social type) in newfound friends, is it in brand-new activities?

It's somewhere and you deserve to find it.

[Guest guest]

Alcrazylife, I know how you feel. Please try not to take to heart the hurtful

comments and thoughtless opinions of your family and others who just don't get

it. This is the thing: They DON'T GET IT. Even your husband -- mine is the same

way, believing that it is high time I " got over it " and " grew up. " Arrrghh!

Nobody wants that more than I do, but as you say, we feel trapped in the anxiety

and fear and low self-esteem that was generated by all this negativity from the

BPDs in our lives, even if those BPDs are no longer near us -- but yours are, so

you've got it worse than most!!! All I can say is you're not alone, and try to

create an alternate reality of some kind -- since you can't leave your small

town with all your relatives in it (I'm from a small town too), maybe carve out

a world within a world. I'm not a social person, so when people tell me to

" create my own family " by finding friends with similar interests, this does not

really appeal. But I am trying to find that world within a world that isn't

really full of people yet is still nourishing in some way -- the world of my own

particular hobbies and interests and things I find beautiful. As I say, I'm

still working on this world, so it is far from complete, and an outsider would

say, " Oh, so you want to live in your fantasies -- like a crazy person? " ... For

now, perhaps, yes. Because I think when the real world around us is toxic, and

we come to realize this, we need to seek safety away from it, however that's

possible.

These people who undermine you -- they might not be doing it on purpose, they

might be mentally ill and can't help themselves. But they are still hurting you.

And you deserve a safe place. Is it this site, is it in books or movies, is it

(if you're the social type) in newfound friends, is it in brand-new activities?

It's somewhere and you deserve to find it.

[Guest guest]

Alcrazylife, I know how you feel. Please try not to take to heart the hurtful

comments and thoughtless opinions of your family and others who just don't get

it. This is the thing: They DON'T GET IT. Even your husband -- mine is the same

way, believing that it is high time I " got over it " and " grew up. " Arrrghh!

Nobody wants that more than I do, but as you say, we feel trapped in the anxiety

and fear and low self-esteem that was generated by all this negativity from the

BPDs in our lives, even if those BPDs are no longer near us -- but yours are, so

you've got it worse than most!!! All I can say is you're not alone, and try to

create an alternate reality of some kind -- since you can't leave your small

town with all your relatives in it (I'm from a small town too), maybe carve out

a world within a world. I'm not a social person, so when people tell me to

" create my own family " by finding friends with similar interests, this does not

really appeal. But I am trying to find that world within a world that isn't

really full of people yet is still nourishing in some way -- the world of my own

particular hobbies and interests and things I find beautiful. As I say, I'm

still working on this world, so it is far from complete, and an outsider would

say, " Oh, so you want to live in your fantasies -- like a crazy person? " ... For

now, perhaps, yes. Because I think when the real world around us is toxic, and

we come to realize this, we need to seek safety away from it, however that's

possible.

These people who undermine you -- they might not be doing it on purpose, they

might be mentally ill and can't help themselves. But they are still hurting you.

And you deserve a safe place. Is it this site, is it in books or movies, is it

(if you're the social type) in newfound friends, is it in brand-new activities?

It's somewhere and you deserve to find it.

[Guest guest]

You are having a rough go. The hair thing is just not what you need right now.

My oldest son went through that as a child. His hair did grow back and he's

never had trouble with it since. I hope yours is more stress related and will

resolve when you feel a bit better.

It sounds like the rest of the family are reacting in the typical way: you have

to love her, she's your mother, forgive her. They just don't understand the

full impact a BPD person can have on your whole being. Your sister is reacting

differently. Not sure why she's supporting nada. She has her own issues it

seems.

Husbands are great but they aren't comfortable (generally) with the constant

emotional comments. But when we're being hurt week after week, it doesn't just

go away and we can't get over it. It's like picking at a sore; it keep hurting.

I worry about your chest pain and such. Stress will take a toll on your body. It

releases all kinds of chemicals that will literally make you sick. I hope you

can find something that gives you peace and pleasure, something that you can

escape into (legal please LOL). I've always escaped into books. Even as a child,

the library was my sanctuary.

I'm glad you're here too. Folks here truly understand the constant toxicity of

having a BPD parent. We all struggle with setting up our boundaries and trying

to protect ourselves. Some days we do OK and then bam, nada blows up our

barricades and we get hurt. But keep working at it. We'll hand you the tools and

the bricks you need to stay safe.

[Guest guest]

You are having a rough go. The hair thing is just not what you need right now.

My oldest son went through that as a child. His hair did grow back and he's

never had trouble with it since. I hope yours is more stress related and will

resolve when you feel a bit better.

It sounds like the rest of the family are reacting in the typical way: you have

to love her, she's your mother, forgive her. They just don't understand the

full impact a BPD person can have on your whole being. Your sister is reacting

differently. Not sure why she's supporting nada. She has her own issues it

seems.

Husbands are great but they aren't comfortable (generally) with the constant

emotional comments. But when we're being hurt week after week, it doesn't just

go away and we can't get over it. It's like picking at a sore; it keep hurting.

I worry about your chest pain and such. Stress will take a toll on your body. It

releases all kinds of chemicals that will literally make you sick. I hope you

can find something that gives you peace and pleasure, something that you can

escape into (legal please LOL). I've always escaped into books. Even as a child,

the library was my sanctuary.

I'm glad you're here too. Folks here truly understand the constant toxicity of

having a BPD parent. We all struggle with setting up our boundaries and trying

to protect ourselves. Some days we do OK and then bam, nada blows up our

barricades and we get hurt. But keep working at it. We'll hand you the tools and

the bricks you need to stay safe.

[Guest guest]

You are having a rough go. The hair thing is just not what you need right now.

My oldest son went through that as a child. His hair did grow back and he's

never had trouble with it since. I hope yours is more stress related and will

resolve when you feel a bit better.

It sounds like the rest of the family are reacting in the typical way: you have

to love her, she's your mother, forgive her. They just don't understand the

full impact a BPD person can have on your whole being. Your sister is reacting

differently. Not sure why she's supporting nada. She has her own issues it

seems.

Husbands are great but they aren't comfortable (generally) with the constant

emotional comments. But when we're being hurt week after week, it doesn't just

go away and we can't get over it. It's like picking at a sore; it keep hurting.

I worry about your chest pain and such. Stress will take a toll on your body. It

releases all kinds of chemicals that will literally make you sick. I hope you

can find something that gives you peace and pleasure, something that you can

escape into (legal please LOL). I've always escaped into books. Even as a child,

the library was my sanctuary.

I'm glad you're here too. Folks here truly understand the constant toxicity of

having a BPD parent. We all struggle with setting up our boundaries and trying

to protect ourselves. Some days we do OK and then bam, nada blows up our

barricades and we get hurt. But keep working at it. We'll hand you the tools and

the bricks you need to stay safe.

[Guest guest]

You know sometimes it is okay to just be sad and feel depressed. I give myself

permission to have a bad day, to go to bed early and take a bowl of ice cream or

whatever. Though if your son is recovering you are probably weary from caring

for him and have no time for yourself. I give myself permission to not worry

about my weight for a day, (none of us is as fat as we think others think we

are) I joined WW a year ago and have learned a lot about my body image and my

self perception.

Give yourself one day to feel sad, just one day, and then start working on

climbing out of that black hole you are in. Sometimes just one day to be sad and

not feel guilty helps.

Someone a few posts back recommended some self help techniques that a friend of

their mother's had taught them. If that person would repeat those maybe

alcrazylife can use some of those techniques but not right away. She needs a day

to mourn or whatever it is she needs and then she can start making positive

lists etc.

Also you can not do anything about mother and sister or family, but you can love

yourself. In SWOE they remind us we can not change what others think about us

and I for one am working on not caring what others think about me. I do work on

liking and loving myself, when my kids were small and my husband and I were

fighting and I didn't know if my marriage would make it, I did two things for me

and just me. I walked 10 minutes a day (I'd just had a C-section and that was

all I could handle) and I made a list every night before I went to bed of things

I liked about myself. I started with 3 things and every night I added at least

one thing. It can be as simple as I like the way I smile, it can be I am an

unselfish mother anything at all as long as it is about you and how good you

are. Anything. I like you because you are working on you, you may hate your job,

but you are working at it. You may be weary but you are still taking care of

your son.

Don't worry about the bald spot. I work with a woman who wears a wig and she

looks great, and I'd never know but she keeps telling me. Usually because she

looks so good I forget its a wig.

Tomorrow is a new day, and maybe like Mia says you need a sick day, or a sick

kid day.

We all send you love!

Kay

>

> I am angry and sad. My son had his tonsils out Monday and it has been a bad

week. I find a bald spot Thursday and doctor's think I may have alopecia

areatea. I just think, REALLY!?! It makes me sad that I don't have a mother that

I can go to for support and comfort. I have a good husband but still not the

same. It just makes me angry. I live in same small town with my BPD sister and

mother. My sister basically said she was going to make people see my " true

colors " so I can only imagine what she has told people. My extended family

(aunts, cousins) who I have been close to my whole life now look at me like I

have cooties. The irony is they have seen how she is but I guess it is just

easier to go with the flow than against it. I have always been close to my

Granny but she just doesn't understand why everyone can't get along. She says

hurtful things like " I should humble myself to get along " . I use to talk to my

Granny everyday and visit at least once or twice a week. Now I just can't

because I am too busy fighting my own voices that tell me how bad I am. I hate

my job. Not just work is hard, I literally despise it. I am looking for

something different. I feel like a big, fat (now balding) loser. I never can be

good enough despite how hard I try. I have bent over backwards for my entire

family and when I finally stand up to BPDs they all turn against me despite what

they know. I am so frustrated. Telling myself to be grateful and how people tell

me how nice I am, etc is just not working right now. I am sure people tell

sister and Mom how wonderful and nice they are. I want to sob but the tears are

just stuck ,if that makes any sense. My anxiety is horrible. That stupid

elephant on my chest continues to sit there and now my stomach has joined in.

Just when I think I am making progress then BOOM! I am back at square one. My

husband gets it to a point. I no longer feel like I can vent to him. He thinks

it is just time to get over it. He doesn't understand all the junk that comes

along with " getting over it " . I went NC with BPDs on Christmas Day. I wish there

was a magic switch. I feel like, who can I truly trust when my I cannot even

trust my own family? I always feel like the other shoe is going to drop. Thanks

to anyone who gets to the end of this. I am so extremely thankful for this site

because it does help validate what has happened. Tomorrow has got to be a better

day.

>