Re: need to vent

[Guest guest]

You know sometimes it is okay to just be sad and feel depressed. I give myself

permission to have a bad day, to go to bed early and take a bowl of ice cream or

whatever. Though if your son is recovering you are probably weary from caring

for him and have no time for yourself. I give myself permission to not worry

about my weight for a day, (none of us is as fat as we think others think we

are) I joined WW a year ago and have learned a lot about my body image and my

self perception.

Give yourself one day to feel sad, just one day, and then start working on

climbing out of that black hole you are in. Sometimes just one day to be sad and

not feel guilty helps.

Someone a few posts back recommended some self help techniques that a friend of

their mother's had taught them. If that person would repeat those maybe

alcrazylife can use some of those techniques but not right away. She needs a day

to mourn or whatever it is she needs and then she can start making positive

lists etc.

Also you can not do anything about mother and sister or family, but you can love

yourself. In SWOE they remind us we can not change what others think about us

and I for one am working on not caring what others think about me. I do work on

liking and loving myself, when my kids were small and my husband and I were

fighting and I didn't know if my marriage would make it, I did two things for me

and just me. I walked 10 minutes a day (I'd just had a C-section and that was

all I could handle) and I made a list every night before I went to bed of things

I liked about myself. I started with 3 things and every night I added at least

one thing. It can be as simple as I like the way I smile, it can be I am an

unselfish mother anything at all as long as it is about you and how good you

are. Anything. I like you because you are working on you, you may hate your job,

but you are working at it. You may be weary but you are still taking care of

your son.

Don't worry about the bald spot. I work with a woman who wears a wig and she

looks great, and I'd never know but she keeps telling me. Usually because she

looks so good I forget its a wig.

Tomorrow is a new day, and maybe like Mia says you need a sick day, or a sick

kid day.

We all send you love!

Kay

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> I am angry and sad. My son had his tonsils out Monday and it has been a bad

week. I find a bald spot Thursday and doctor's think I may have alopecia

areatea. I just think, REALLY!?! It makes me sad that I don't have a mother that

I can go to for support and comfort. I have a good husband but still not the

same. It just makes me angry. I live in same small town with my BPD sister and

mother. My sister basically said she was going to make people see my " true

colors " so I can only imagine what she has told people. My extended family

(aunts, cousins) who I have been close to my whole life now look at me like I

have cooties. The irony is they have seen how she is but I guess it is just

easier to go with the flow than against it. I have always been close to my

Granny but she just doesn't understand why everyone can't get along. She says

hurtful things like " I should humble myself to get along " . I use to talk to my

Granny everyday and visit at least once or twice a week. Now I just can't

because I am too busy fighting my own voices that tell me how bad I am. I hate

my job. Not just work is hard, I literally despise it. I am looking for

something different. I feel like a big, fat (now balding) loser. I never can be

good enough despite how hard I try. I have bent over backwards for my entire

family and when I finally stand up to BPDs they all turn against me despite what

they know. I am so frustrated. Telling myself to be grateful and how people tell

me how nice I am, etc is just not working right now. I am sure people tell

sister and Mom how wonderful and nice they are. I want to sob but the tears are

just stuck ,if that makes any sense. My anxiety is horrible. That stupid

elephant on my chest continues to sit there and now my stomach has joined in.

Just when I think I am making progress then BOOM! I am back at square one. My

husband gets it to a point. I no longer feel like I can vent to him. He thinks

it is just time to get over it. He doesn't understand all the junk that comes

along with " getting over it " . I went NC with BPDs on Christmas Day. I wish there

was a magic switch. I feel like, who can I truly trust when my I cannot even

trust my own family? I always feel like the other shoe is going to drop. Thanks

to anyone who gets to the end of this. I am so extremely thankful for this site

because it does help validate what has happened. Tomorrow has got to be a better

day.

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