I'm just not getting IE

[Guest guest]

I have been working on this for nearly six months, and I still eat frequently

when I am not hungry, I still eat beyond full, and I'm getting heavier and

heavier. I haven't seemed to have gotten the idea that " just because you can,

you don't have to " (thank you, whoever said that) at all.

My " cookie experiment " is a disaster, in that I'm eating them all day long, even

though I'm not hungry (though usually I am hungry when I eat the first one) and

I don't really want them.

I need help!

I am not about to start dieting, but I have to do SOMETHING different.

Yesterday, I found a bag of vitamin C drops that my student teacher from last

semester had left in a drawer, and I had one, and it was so good, and I I

realized that I would have rather had one of those than any of the cookies I had

been eating. That sometimes I want just a little bit of sweetness.

And the past two days I haven't finished my breakfast, because I was satisfied.

But then later in the day.....when I'm stressed and work, and stressed about my

son, and the impossibility of all of everything, forget it.

And when I made dinner last night, and was snacking right and left, and then sat

down and ate a full dinner with my other son, who's leaving again on Saturday,

and my partner, I realized that food is what I " do. " I come home from work, and

I cook dinner. Then I eat dinner. I kindof wandered around the house awhile

before I started dinner, and there wasn't really anything else I felt like

doing. Kindof sad.

But SIGH. I think I will feel better when I get things resolved with my son

(the one who is not leaving on Saturday). I also realized that I feel really

GOOD when I am gardening--and by that, I mean happy in my body, and feeling like

a strong and beautiful person.

So there's my wholly contradictory thoughts for the day.

Tilley