Another thread bites the dust...

[Guest guest]

I admit I am (perhaps) morbidly fascinated that at bpdfamily.com, another

support group for those who have a person with bpd in their lives, yet another

thread has been " locked " in the section for those with parents, relatives or

in-laws with bpd... which means it will probably disappear along with the

" Compassion " thread, a thread discussing the disappearance of the " Compassion "

thread, and other posts/threads deemed too controversial.

The mods there were (apparently) not happy that a member started a thread about

the newly-released book " Battle Hymn of the Chinese Mother " which we have

discussed here (the book promotes the superiority of a rigid, authoritarian,

perfectionism-based parenting style, which unfortunately is NOT exclusive to one

culture/race) offering her opinion that this parenting style is actually abusive

and promotes many pd behaviors as " good parenting. " The poster was afraid that

newly-fledged rigid, authoritarian, abusive, mentally ill parents would snatch

up the book and use it as a bible, a guideline and as justification/validation

for inflicting that kind of extreme parenting on their kids. The poster pointed

out that the author's own daughters, now grown, have vilified their mother's

abusive parenting style; big thumb's down from the victims. Good for them!

I myself was subjected to unrealistic, perfectionistic standards of achievement

that I was not able to meet, and grew up feeling like a failure, unworthy to

occupy space, and a great disappointment to my parents who nevertheless fed me

and clothed me even though I didn't deserve it. So I know personally what kind

of damage that does (can you say " trauma-bonding " ?) and guess what?

Perfectionistic, rigid, rule-obsessed, tyrannical, manipulative, punitive,

superiority-worshipping behaviors ARE almost literally the diagnostic criteria

for obsessive-compulsive personality disorder and narcissistic pd.

I'm truly very puzzled as to what the agenda is at bpdfamily.com! Its so... NOT

supportive to the survivors of childhood abuse by bpd parents, the very people

they're purporting to serve.

I do NOT get it, honestly!!

I am so thankful that Randi allows us to express our feelings and opinions

freely here. Perhaps we are more free to do so because this group is really not

for those with bpd. I can see how reading posts in which KOs freely express the

hurt, detail the abuses, vent the anger and righteous indignation we carry over

being victimized by our own parents and never rescued... would be very

triggering to someone with bpd.

So thanks, Randi. You've provided what seems to be the only place on the 'net

that is truly for the survivors of childhood abuse by bpd parents, and for those

adult KOs still struggling to decide whether or not to continue having their bpd

parent in their lives... with no judgments and no hidden agenda.

We appreciate it.

-Annie