Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Yep, I've heard that before too Annie. " You only call when you want something " . Sigh. Mia On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 11:08 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > My advice is to tear the checks up with no explanation. If you accept the > money by cashing the check, even if you give it to charity, you have " taken " > their money and they'll still be able to label you as " helpless mooches " > (even if its not true; all they'll base it on is that you cashed their > check.) > > All gifts from my nada had always come with strings attached, and I stopped > accepting gifts of any kind from her several years back because of that. > Then, the final straw was learning that my nada stated that I and my Sister > only ever came to see her because " we wanted something from her (meaning, > money) " . For me, that was " all she wrote " and I went No Contact. > > You'll have to figure out what will work for you, but that's what I'd do. > Your parents will neither understand nor accept any explanation you give > them, so just pretend the checks don't exist. Destroy them. > > -Annie > > > > > > Hi Everyone, > > > > I've been off the grid for a while. The quick history: > > •nada (typical BPD-witch/waif); fada (nada's always right) > > •2 siblings (I was split all good—became all bad) > > •'06 family meltdown about aging parents/elder care > > •'06-'08 discover BPD; join this group; therapy; recovery; NC > > •'09 family health crisis— break NC; crisis passes (false alarm); LC > > •'10 maintain LC (new boundaries... never drive with nada/fada; never > allow them to pay for meals,etc. > > > > That's the short & simple in code form. My nada is starting to send me & > my husband $$$ for our birthdays. It doesn't feel good. We don't want their > strings-attached; you owe us; guilt-laced dollars. Especially because we > were painted as the helpless mooches— the ones who couldn't make it on our > own without their help... which is BS. My idea is to cash the checks, give > the $$$ to charity, and send them a note saying that we gave the money in > their name to charity. It seems that refusing the $$$ would cause a ruckus, > trying to talk about our feelings for not wanting it...pointless. This would > keep the equation neutral. I don't think they'd be able to say much. What do > you think? Good/ Bad decision. I feel a bit unsure. Any comments would be > much appreciated. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Yep, I've heard that before too Annie. " You only call when you want something " . Sigh. Mia On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 11:08 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > My advice is to tear the checks up with no explanation. If you accept the > money by cashing the check, even if you give it to charity, you have " taken " > their money and they'll still be able to label you as " helpless mooches " > (even if its not true; all they'll base it on is that you cashed their > check.) > > All gifts from my nada had always come with strings attached, and I stopped > accepting gifts of any kind from her several years back because of that. > Then, the final straw was learning that my nada stated that I and my Sister > only ever came to see her because " we wanted something from her (meaning, > money) " . For me, that was " all she wrote " and I went No Contact. > > You'll have to figure out what will work for you, but that's what I'd do. > Your parents will neither understand nor accept any explanation you give > them, so just pretend the checks don't exist. Destroy them. > > -Annie > > > > > > Hi Everyone, > > > > I've been off the grid for a while. The quick history: > > •nada (typical BPD-witch/waif); fada (nada's always right) > > •2 siblings (I was split all good—became all bad) > > •'06 family meltdown about aging parents/elder care > > •'06-'08 discover BPD; join this group; therapy; recovery; NC > > •'09 family health crisis— break NC; crisis passes (false alarm); LC > > •'10 maintain LC (new boundaries... never drive with nada/fada; never > allow them to pay for meals,etc. > > > > That's the short & simple in code form. My nada is starting to send me & > my husband $$$ for our birthdays. It doesn't feel good. We don't want their > strings-attached; you owe us; guilt-laced dollars. Especially because we > were painted as the helpless mooches— the ones who couldn't make it on our > own without their help... which is BS. My idea is to cash the checks, give > the $$$ to charity, and send them a note saying that we gave the money in > their name to charity. It seems that refusing the $$$ would cause a ruckus, > trying to talk about our feelings for not wanting it...pointless. This would > keep the equation neutral. I don't think they'd be able to say much. What do > you think? Good/ Bad decision. I feel a bit unsure. Any comments would be > much appreciated. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 One other thing to consider with charities... Sometimes they sell the names & contact information of people who have donated.... so your parents could end up getting a lot of requests to donate to charity. This could cause problems too. For you, I mean... if they start blaming you for getting 'junk mail' from other charities. I don't know. my ex MIL used to donate to a few charities regularly, and they did end up selling her info and she would get phone calls & things in mail from other charities asking for money. Just a little something I thought of while reading this today that I thought I should mention. I am not trying to dissuade you from doing it, but you might want to check with them to find out if they sell their information or not. Or, you might not care LOL... I can kind of get a sense of KO vindication on that issue too, but I also get a sense of mild fear thinking it could bring about more issues with " the 'rents " (as Annie says). Mia > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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