kind of OT - BPD baby momma drama

[Guest guest]

So... fiance's most likely uBPD ex wife is starting crap again.

Several months ago fiance started taking my future step daughter (11) to

therapy. bio mom never had a problem with this. Today, he took is for year

old son as well. 4 year old is most likely slightly delayed and has an

extremely low frustration tolerance... I love both of the kids dearly, but

ask anyone who sees these kids regularly... he's the only 4 year old I know

who needs anger management.

There have been NUMEROUS times when bio mom has had us take him because she

can't deal with him anymore. And NUMEROUS times when they've been over here

to celebrate kids' birthdays, etc, that they talk about how " horrible' he

is... right in front of him. By they, I mean her & her mother. We also

hear it from 11 year old step daughter, about how he is left unsupervised

because the adults are asleep and then he gets into the fridge into the

katchup, mustard, butter, mayo.... his favorite is condiments... and spreads

them ALL OVER their apartments. Hell, he's even buttered his sister while

she's been asleep.

SO now, since 4 year old has seen the child therapist today... now she's

throwing a bloody fit. 11 year old has been going for months, and she's

never said boo hiss about it. But now?

She's making it all about her (BPD, anyone?)... saying fiance has no right

to do this without her permission... really? if, God forbid, one of the

kids fell & cracked open their heads while in his care, would he have to

call to get her permission to take them to the ER? Plus, they are on HIS

insurance, and even when she takes them, they bill HIM! To add to it, this

is her " field of expertise " ... doncha know, she's a psych major.

So she wanted to know the therapist's credentials and such, fair enough. He

sent her a text with her name. I asked if he sent her number too, he said

" no, let her dig for it " . Can't say I blame him. He also told her in the

same text he didn't want to talk about it right now... so now we're just

waiting for her to hoover him back in. I asked him to promise me that if

she starts trying to call or text him to turn his phone off. And that if

she starts calling the house phone, I told him I will answer & play

secretary. " No, I'm sorry he's not available right now. Can I take a

message & have him call you back? " LOL. No, he set a boundary and by god

she's going to respect it. And if she does get in her car & drive over

here, he said he'd call the police. (I don't see that happening, she got

fired over a year ago & hasn't worked since let alone really looked for work

& told us both she doesn't plan on working while she's finishing her degree.

Plus, the last big blow out was because fiance didn't take any diapers over

when he returned the kids because 4 year old is FINALLY doing really good

with potty training & fiance doesn't feel he needs them. She then had the

balls to ask him to give her the money he's saving on diapers. He said no,

she threw a giant fit & degraded him... saying " well aren't you just father

of the year " . " You only care about the kids when they're with you " etc.)

He doesn't deserve this shit! In the nearly 2 years we've been together, I

can think of ONE TIME he's denied her anything she's asked for for the kids,

and that was very honestly because he didn't have the money. He got paid

the next day & took it over there. He's been the sole provider of the

diapers & wipes & other goods too for both houses. Not to mention on a

couple of occasions he's actually bought FOOD when she didn't have any.

Personally, I'm torn on that one... on one hand, no, he shouldn't have to.

On the other, the kids shouldn't go without food. So the last time that

happened, he told her he has expecations of her when she has the kids and

told her if she can't provide for them, they can stay here until she can.

That shut her up for about 2 - 3 weeks... until now.

Ugh, anyway, sorry. I seriously needed to vent. I don't like to show him

how upset this makes me because he's all ready upset enough, so I try to be

the voice of reason. " No, honey, she can't just up and take the kids to

Rome like she said... she'd have kidnapping charges on her. She can't leave

the state. " " Yes, honey, you said the divorce papers say you can have the

kids no less than 2 days a week. You also said you can't find them, so I

think you should go to the courthouse tomorrow so that if she tries to deny

you the kids this weekend, you can call the police & let them deal with

her " . " Yes, honey, you have every right to take the kids to see a licenced

therapist if you so feel they need it " . That's about as far as I go. I try

not to egg him on, feed the anger... just try to be rational and let him

vent.

PS - he has not filed for full custody or called CPS at this point, even

though he has reason to, due to their native american heritage and they are

on tribal roll... it goes to tribal court, so he is in process of saving $

to retain a very expensive lawyer... sadly, all of them that deal with

tribal law are costly. Tribal law is very reluctant to put their kids with

non-native families, even dads. And even though I also have a native

background (I'm looking into getting on tribal law, it might be helpful to

us), I still feel very angry that they tend to treat the kids more like

property than people. They are his kids too! But, he could very well loose

them all together =(

Poor guy is so frustrated. So am I. Why am I a BPD magnet??????

UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading. *Sigh* And thanks for any advice, if you have any.

Mia