Intuitive Eating Around my Very Bossy Mother-in-Law (long, sorry)

[Guest guest]

I A few weeks ago I wrote that I would be living with my mother-in-law, who is very Korean and doesn't speak English, for five weeks this summer. Well, I'm two weeks in and wanted to write about it.(If there are typos, I'm sorry. I've using my husband's net book and the keyboard is really small!)When I got off the plane, Mother greeted me, told me I was fat, and told me to have babies. The whole way back to her house, she lectured me on how I need to diet. But Mother says one thing with her mouth ("diet")

and then does another thing with her hands (giving me a huge plate of Japanese curry over WHITE rice when I tell her I'm not even hungry). I quickly realized that Mother's idea of a "diet" is totally weird. Tonight she tried to give me a cob of corn and...ice cream. Why? Because using two slices of bread for the sandwich I really wanted has "too many calories." (We fought and I got my darn sandwich. And it was tasty.)In any case, things have mostly been OK. She scolds me when I eat too much. She scolds me when I eat too little. She scolds me when I eat too slowly. She scolds me when I eat too quickly. Once I figured this out, I just started nodding. NOW I understand why my husband just tells her yes all the time. It's no use arguing

with her. She has mostly quit talking about my weight since I asked her if we were going to talk about it everyday, "because it's really boring."I bought some food a few days ago, and that included a small bag of chips. Mother went on and on about how I should "never eat those" chips. I nodded and went on preparing my lunch, complete with some chips on the plate. I happily munched on them as she lectured me, and she just looked pleased that I was agreeing with her. And this morniing? What did she serve with breakfast? THE CHIPS. Why? "Well, it's been very humid and they will go soft." If mother really thought one should "never" eat the chips, you'd think she'd let them go soft so she could toss them.So, yeah. Mother has some very weird ideas about food. But she is trying. I wanted a sandwich and she mashed up potatoes, onions, and scallions and put the paste between two slices of the whitest bread I've ever seen. She didn't even have any pepper. It was bland. (Before people tell me to set limits, I am doing my best, but I am dealing with a very different culture. It would take far too long to explain all of the Confucian things I'm dealing with her. Suffice to say, I'm doing my best.)Anyhow--One of the difficult things about being here is that I'm guest. So I want to eat what I'm given, but also honor myself. A few days ago I really wanted celery with peanut butter. But celery is hard to find here and the local store didn't have it. I thought about it and I wanted the salt in the PB and the crunch. So I bought some crunchy PB and ate it with some apples.: It still wasn't exactly what I wanted, but since celery isn't available, it was a good sub.Realization: When you really can't get what you want, similar subs can work!In the mornings, Mother likes to mostly eat fruit, maybe some bread. But I have discovered I need some sort of fat or protein, so I've been eating a little PB with my fruit or bread at breakfast. It has been doing a good job of tiding me over. Realization: Even when being a good guest, I can do small things to tweak a meal to work better for my body.We sit down and eat together, and unlike Americans,

Koreans are mostly quiet when they eat. It has been very good practice in mindful eating, which I have a very, very hard time doing at home. I have noticed a few things. First, it seems like I am finishing my meals just as quickly as before, but I am eating far less. Second, it is easier to find that last bite, although sometimes I do go over.Realization: Maybe this mindful eating/no distractions thing is actually a good idea.Finally, I have overeaten. I have gone past the last bite and made myself feel very uncomfortable. But the discomfort is lasting a

short period of time compared to when I would overeat a few months ago. I never timed it with a clock, but it seems like a few months ago I would feel gross for 1/2 hr or so, and now it's more like 10-15 minutes.Realization: Well, I don't know what this means, actually!!