Finding the intuitive...

[Guest guest]

I've been lurking a bit lately as I've experienced a big shift around food and

didn't want to jinx it.

It's hard to explain, but I am now in touch with my body's food preferences. It

simply kicked in - sensing what my body wants and having the

impulse/ability/willingness to go with that. Also, sensing, feeling what the

body doesn't want and having the ability and willingness to go with that. The

battle between diet rebel and diet police seems to have lost its energy.

My explanation for that is that for the past five months I have eaten whatever

I've craved the moment I craved it and not put rules or restrictions around

anything. Amazingly, I have not gone wild with food and eaten until I exploded.

I have had some bouts of eating beyond full and eating chocolate until my mouth,

stomach and head hurt - while paying attention and learning lots about myself

around food and respecting the process.

These initial struggles are all tests between the diet rebel and diet police.

The power struggle just doesn't work ultimately - but it's what we've been

programmed to do. Or at least it doesn't work for many of us (power over food

versus peace with food). Some people can diet their whole lives, and that's

their path, clearly not mine.

I did not rail against myself for when my eating was non-diety, only practiced

observing without judgment. The next time a craving arose and I felt that old

familiar feeling (the impulse to rebel if denied) I ate whatever the test food

was. I bought it, I ate it and I practiced working on releasing judgments about

eating it whether sitting in front of the tv, driving or not. In fact, I don't

practice " mindful " eating - it's too contrived for me. I'm not a monk and I

don't really strive to be.

I pushed past my fear of becoming so fat I'd fill up the entire house as well as

the imperatives that I loook like Angelina Jolie by March. (The hypnotic allure

of dieting - beauty, power and control.) I discovered that I had to let those

go in order to take the heat off myself - and just try something new.

One of my earliest IE realizations was how much fear I had around eating. I was

so clenched up around what to choose to eat with all diet rules gone, it sort of

fascinated me. Where did this come from? Why am I so afraid? And - how do I

heal this?

So - I followed what sounded to me the basis tenets and worked on letting go of

diet mentality (restricting, substituting, counting, weighing, believing food

had power over me) and making peace with eating.

Making peace with eating has really been about making peace with myself around

food. The food wasn't the problem, the problem was all in my head.

Five months down the road something has shifted. It's like something woke up

inside of me. Where has that been all of my life? I guess it was there all

along and I was so busy trying to follow diet rules, I overrode it.

Presently, there is no fight, there is no calculation about what to eat, how

much or why - there is instead, a lot of peace and no preoccupation with food.

Oh - and I'm not overeating. Several nights this past week, after having a sort

of heavy lunch, I skipped dinner. Not as a way to make up for what I had at

lunch, but because I wasn't hungry and didn't feel like pushing past that just

for the sake of eating.

If I do become preoccupied, if I get one of those cravings that is accompanied

by the diet rebel waiting to pounce, I will buy and eat whatever and let it go.

I will not fight the diet rebel, if she resurrects. I'm just not going down

that road again.

But if I get a body-validated (new phrase...) interest in a food that my head

might like to restrict, I will go with the body because I believe the body's

wisdom is spot on and now I can sense it.

Added to which I see now that most of my overeating has been the result of the

diet rebel being having been nearly driven mad by so many years of diet ruels -

and a habit of ignoring early hunger signs which I now am aware of and tend to.

The rest - the so-called emotional eating and eating past full have been more

the result of diet back lash, self-punishment around food and a preoccupation

with food created by too much focus on it for too long. Those have pretty much

washed out; I just don't have an interest in stuffing myself. I went through

that testing-period and realized that if I want more, I can have it. Result: I

don't actually want that much most of the time. And if I do, I'll eat it.

I just wanted to share. I'm still figuring out what works for me food and meal

wise, and will probably hit one of those rebel cravings again which means that I

will slow down and let it play through. It's the only way, for me.

I hope this helps those who are struggling to make peace with food let go of

diet thinking, which only stands in the way of healing the psychic trauma that

diets and external controls over one of Nature's most basic and natural

functions have created.

So for those who are teetering on the edge of giving up diet mentality - jump

in. The water's fine.

Sandarah