One Year of IE

[Guest guest]

First of all let me say that although I don't post often, I read every word

posted in this group and it is a daily dose of sanity and encouragement. One of

the things I would like to work on in the coming year is to share more and not

just be a passive participant here. This month marks one year of IE for me, so

I thought it would be a good time to chime in.

At first, IE seemed like a dream. I ate what I wanted, was usually able to stop

when I was satisfied and my urge to binge eat seemed to be evaporating

naturally. I started working on banishing negative self talk and cultivating

body acceptance. After a few months, though, it became harder and harder to

stop when I was satisfied. I tried to be gentle with myself while I figured out

the reason for the struggle, but I was also realizing that my clothes were

getting tighter. Even though I had gotten rid of the scale, I found I was still

very much focused on being thin and the idea that IE was making me gain weight

started to make me question whether I really could trust my body after all.

Meanwhile, I was dealing with being chronically sick with sinus infections and

several bouts of strep throat, plus my thyroid hormones were not responding as

well as they should to my medicines, all of which left me exhausted, confused

and stressed about my health. I began trying to sooth myself with food, and the

urge to binge started creeping back in. As the holidays approached, I faced my

one year IE anniversary with a sense of disappointment because I felt like I was

proving myself unable to follow the IE principles. It felt like yet another

failed diet, and there I was watching the " New Year New You " diet commercials

while thinking that even after a full year of committing to IE, I had gained not

lost weight.

I won't lie, I was in a funk over this for weeks. All through the holiday

season, I cried any time I had to dress up for an event because I felt so heavy

and disappointed in myself. I didn't want to go back to dieting, but I was

afraid that if I was just going to steadily gain weight on IE, then it wasn't

any better for me than the diet yo yo machine.

I happen to really believe in New Year's resolutions and taking stock of the old

year to prepare you for the new year. Every year, I take a week or two to think

about what is working in my life and what I want to try and improve in the next

year. When I sat down and wrote my list of what I accomplished last year,

though, I was floored. How could I look at this list and be feeling sorry for

myself? Last year I: ran a half marathon (!!), gave up dieting, gave up

artificial sweetener, started cooking and baking again, began to undo the

indoctrination of society's beauty myth and replace it with kindness and

self-acceptance, started writing again, painted a picture, returned to singing

in public (which I hadn't been brave enough to do since high school), and pulled

out the guitar again and started playing almost every day.

As I looked at that list, I understood that IE was giving me back my life.

Every single thing on that list was something that I was always going to do once

I lost the weight. I have been putting off living my life until I was skinny

for as long as I can remember, and this year, thanks to IE, I found the courage

to go out and live my life right now as I am. I am so grateful!

Also, as I saw this different kind of (non-weight related)progress, my faith in

IE came flooding back and miraculously the battle with food started to fade

again. This morning I stopped halfway through breakfast because I was

satisfied, and it felt perfectly natural to leave the rest on my plate and move

on to other things. I am starting year two with a renewed sense of hope because

now I know what can be accomplished when I stop obsessing about the size of my

tummy and start thinking about the life I really want to lead. The extra weight

will take care of itself. Or it won't. Either way, I have better things to

spend my time thinking about!

-Liz