Quick check in...

[Guest guest]

Hi all... I need to be brief as I have chores to do befoe I wind up my weekend

but wanted to check in. My food/eating has turned a major corner and yet today

I found myself responding to the siren's call of the hand-made, wrapped

chocolate mint patties that I've struggled with/against for a while now.

I hadn't eaten any chocolate for the past week which is the longest time in

months. And, I'd gotten in touch with chocolate not respecting my body and

could feel my body cringing when I would think of eating it. But this morning

it started to call to me and the cringe was not there. And the battle ensued.

The diet police jumped out in force and the rebel was starting to ratchet up the

fule for an all out war. So I chose not to fight with myself and I ate some. I

tasted them, enjoyed them, hoped that I'd stop (diet police) and ate about four

before I was actually done. Later I went to dinner and when I came home I ate a

couple more.

I sort of thinkt that this came about because I went waay too long without food

yesterday and never did get enough to eat. So, I think my body wisdom was

either on hold or maybe my body wanted them. Felt like it but my head isn't so

sure. I believe I am allergic to chocolate and at one point didn't even taste

any for ten years; but who knows if I really would be if I could just get the

emotional charge off it.

Lately I've likened the food police and diet rebel with the Id and the Ego with

the Super Ego the rational mind the balance I'm trying to achieve. (Freud

anyone?) Or, the parent, adult and child of Transactional Analysis (anyone else

here old enough to remember that?) Then there's the emotional mind, the

thinking mind and the wise mind of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Well

whatever works - but it helps me to understand some of the psychological forces

that toss me around from time to time and my struggle to find and maintain

equilibrium.

Anyway, my week has been totally peaceful and my food no big deal as long as I

keep myself nourished which I wasn't able to do yesterday. But I did feel a bit

of that old terror when those mints started calling my name from the

refrigerator and rather than suffer the battle out or eat something I didn't

want, I ate them. It was a choice to eat them and a decision to re-confirm to

my diet rebel (Id) that my days of restricting are over. And now to tell the

diet police (ego) to let go of the guilt trips and get on with it.

That's it; gotta get back to work. Thanks everybody - this is such a great

site. By the way, I buy a lot fewer groceries these days - for me buying all

those groceries was driben by the fear of the next diet always looming on the

horizon.

Sandarah

" The only thing to fear is fear of food itself. "