Re: Normal? Banishing shame

[Guest guest]

Feeling less shame really seems to be key. I don't remember who said it a

couple of days ago about telling yourself that it isn't your fault that you are

overweight, but that it's a natural (and judgment neutral) consequence of a

number of things, including diet backlash and societal norms focused on thinness

and not a lack of willpower or " goodness " . I am so totally going to adopt that

way of thinking, and say to myself (if I have to think of it at all)-- " I am

overweight because I am physiologically and psychologically fighting back

against the dieting I did last year, because it's been an incredibly stressful

year and a half at work, plus I am stressed about my younger son who is

floundering, and because I am going through peri menopause and am not getting

anywhere near enough sleep, and without enough sleep one can't feel good and one

tends to eat too much. " At first, these seemed to be " excuses " that I could tell

myself to not feel bad about having no will-power, and being a bad, lazy person,

but that is just our diet-mentality society talking. I think it's okay for us

to be nice to ourselves. It's not excuses, but reality.

And as far as WHAT I'm eating goes, I really don't seem to be having too much of

a problem. I love vegetables, and have always eaten a lot of them. I'm really

trying to keep my head out of what I'm eating, and on any given day, I'd be hard

put to remember exactly what I ate anyhow. And I really am finding that with a

house full of sweets, it really is the stuff that agrees with me the most that

I'm wanting when I get hungry, so I am making sure to be well stocked in those

things too.

But I do hope in the coming year(s), that I will slowly let some of this padding

(as Katcha so kindly calls it) go.

Tilley

> >

> > I have had a really profound shift in the way I feel about food, after

having legalized all sorts of things that were previously off-limits, but have,

understandably still been gaining weight (I think, though since I no longer have

a scale, I don't know for sure, and don't really want ever to have a number

attached to me again), or at least not losing any. I really don't want to think

about " losing weight " , and as soon as I get rid of this wretched cold, have a

number of things I want to step up a little bit, in order to feel better and

stronger.

> >

> > I've really enjoyed reading everyone's holiday posts, about overeating, but

feeling okay (which I certainly did for Christmas dinner with my partner's huge,

loving--and super-thin--family, but really not at any other time during this

week of holiday events), and the things folks have been able to tell

themselves....like " I am overweight because of ......, not because I am a bad

person, " which has been so helpful to me.

> >

> > But am I ever going to start losing weight? I know that this rise at the

beginning when we stop restricting is normal, but then once that becomes normal,

and I stop overeating so much, is it also normal then to drop to one's normal

weight, like what I weighed all through college, and for about seven years in my

forties? I probably shouldn't even ask this, because it doesn't matter what

anyone's answer is since I feel so much better around food this winter than I

have ever felt before, and don't want to go back to any kind of crazy-making

obsession, but I'd really like to be able to breathe at night and be able to run

again and things like that.

> >

> > Tilley

> >

>