Re: Light bulb moment... no light here...

[Guest guest]

Katcha, I like your light bulb moment but the light hasn't dawned on this marble

head yet. Christmas day and yesterday I ate way more than I wanted and just

kept on chowing - especially formerly forbidden foods.

At one point when out to a dinner I didn't really want to go on - I was eating a

dessert I didn't really need because I wasn't hungry when dinner started. And

I noticed that it tasted so delicious I could have eaten a tub of it. I did

observe that I was totally into the taste and in a bit of wonderment that the

enjoyment of it was in spite of my alredy totally full stomach. Definitely a

disconnect between body and head - except the taste wasn't my head, it was also

my body... Which is confusing - or maybe paradoxical?

Somewhere in the midst of my food battle is the inner me who makes choices at

the price of my well-being.

It seems that of my biggest " uh oh's " is that I choose to eat socially in order

to please others and then feel a silent resentment that my needs are not getting

met. Which leads to overeating.

Another paradox for me to ponder - which need is greater, the need for

" friendship " by not meeting my needs or the need to take better care of my

body/self.

So, maybe this is a light bulb moment too...

Sandarah

>

> One of my best used IE 'mantras' is recognizing INternal vs. EXternal

directions regarding my eating. Initially that brought up a vision of a battle

between ME and so-called experts who wanted to dictate to me shoulds and oughts

for my eating. This 'line' has served me well in helping me to keep my focus

more IE than diet mentality driven.

>

> As I have struggled to reacquaint myself with my own INternal signals desires

and drives, I have come to find that I also have a 'line' - within myself' that

I have needed to acknowledge and come to grips with. And that line is about at

my neck ;-) If I eat 'from the neck up' I find that I am taste and thinking

directed (shoulds & oughts). But if I eat 'from the neck down' I am responding

more to what my body (overall, head included!) needs and appreciates. Its wacky

that I have such a division within myself, but there it is and now that I can

'see' it, I have a better chance of reuniting all of elements that make up this

complicated critter that I am. And eating can be the olive branch for achieving

this too. Wow, another gift from IE - lucky me :-)

>

> Katcha

> IEing since March 2007

>