I hate feeling like this, I question everything.

[Guest guest]

I mentioned before I'm down. Still there.

I wish I had normal parental moral support growing up... someone in my damn

cheering section. Maybe then I wouldn't doubt myself on every stinking

thing I take on.

When I finally got around to going back to school, I was an art major. I

love doing visual art, but I haven't enough confidence in myself or my

artistic abilities to be an art major. I ended up freaking out and going

into nursing. I generally have more confidence in my intellect than my

artistic side.

But now I'm wondering if I seriously screwed up doing that. I mean, I can't

switch AGAIN, not now. I have 8 more months in the accelerated nursing

program till I graduate & can take my state boards to be an LPN. Not to

mention I'll have tons of money to pay back in financial aid... good god

this school is EXPENSIVE.

I just wish so badly that I had that growing up like most normal kids have.

No one was ever cheering me on, they were dragging me down and telling me

how bad I sucked.

Wish I could do it. Too late now.

Mia

[Guest guest]

Mia,

I think it is totally amazing that you are going to be a nurse! Your experience

with your FOO will only help you be a compassionate and understanding nurse.

Now...

Speaking as someone who majored in dance, even got an MFA in it, I can tell you

that I am so jealous that you majored in a something that will give you a career

that will support you. You do NOT need to major in art to be an artist. In fact,

most successful artists do not major in art. I do not even dance professionally

anymore, because I just can't support myself. There are many ways for you to

continue your art without needing a degree in it. You can take courses at the

university without focusing on a degree, there are many books to study from,

learning the art of " free play " , etc.

I wish I had become a doctor, in fact, I'm thinking of going back to school

(again) to get a degree in biomechanical engineering--so I can design bicycles.

Artists who only study art only make boring art. You are learning so many things

that will help make you an original, an authentic artist. Don't give up your

art, but also, what I have learned, don't let the art run your life either.

Also, if you say that you freaked out being an art major--don't be an art major.

Study art as it pertains to your life. At your own pace. There is nothing wrong

with that. There is so much crap art produced in this world, I see nothing wrong

with developing your own eye, your own voice, your own experience, and taking

your sweet time deciding what you want to say and how you want to say it.

You also mention having a tribal background...wow, all of your experience and

history will only authenticate your art.

I think becoming a nurse is such an amazing thing, really.

>

> I mentioned before I'm down. Still there.

>

> I wish I had normal parental moral support growing up... someone in my damn

> cheering section. Maybe then I wouldn't doubt myself on every stinking

> thing I take on.

>

> When I finally got around to going back to school, I was an art major. I

> love doing visual art, but I haven't enough confidence in myself or my

> artistic abilities to be an art major. I ended up freaking out and going

> into nursing. I generally have more confidence in my intellect than my

> artistic side.

>

> But now I'm wondering if I seriously screwed up doing that. I mean, I can't

> switch AGAIN, not now. I have 8 more months in the accelerated nursing

> program till I graduate & can take my state boards to be an LPN. Not to

> mention I'll have tons of money to pay back in financial aid... good god

> this school is EXPENSIVE.

>

> I just wish so badly that I had that growing up like most normal kids have.

> No one was ever cheering me on, they were dragging me down and telling me

> how bad I sucked.

>

> Wish I could do it. Too late now.

>

> Mia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mia,

I think it is totally amazing that you are going to be a nurse! Your experience

with your FOO will only help you be a compassionate and understanding nurse.

Now...

Speaking as someone who majored in dance, even got an MFA in it, I can tell you

that I am so jealous that you majored in a something that will give you a career

that will support you. You do NOT need to major in art to be an artist. In fact,

most successful artists do not major in art. I do not even dance professionally

anymore, because I just can't support myself. There are many ways for you to

continue your art without needing a degree in it. You can take courses at the

university without focusing on a degree, there are many books to study from,

learning the art of " free play " , etc.

I wish I had become a doctor, in fact, I'm thinking of going back to school

(again) to get a degree in biomechanical engineering--so I can design bicycles.

Artists who only study art only make boring art. You are learning so many things

that will help make you an original, an authentic artist. Don't give up your

art, but also, what I have learned, don't let the art run your life either.

Also, if you say that you freaked out being an art major--don't be an art major.

Study art as it pertains to your life. At your own pace. There is nothing wrong

with that. There is so much crap art produced in this world, I see nothing wrong

with developing your own eye, your own voice, your own experience, and taking

your sweet time deciding what you want to say and how you want to say it.

You also mention having a tribal background...wow, all of your experience and

history will only authenticate your art.

I think becoming a nurse is such an amazing thing, really.

>

> I mentioned before I'm down. Still there.

>

> I wish I had normal parental moral support growing up... someone in my damn

> cheering section. Maybe then I wouldn't doubt myself on every stinking

> thing I take on.

>

> When I finally got around to going back to school, I was an art major. I

> love doing visual art, but I haven't enough confidence in myself or my

> artistic abilities to be an art major. I ended up freaking out and going

> into nursing. I generally have more confidence in my intellect than my

> artistic side.

>

> But now I'm wondering if I seriously screwed up doing that. I mean, I can't

> switch AGAIN, not now. I have 8 more months in the accelerated nursing

> program till I graduate & can take my state boards to be an LPN. Not to

> mention I'll have tons of money to pay back in financial aid... good god

> this school is EXPENSIVE.

>

> I just wish so badly that I had that growing up like most normal kids have.

> No one was ever cheering me on, they were dragging me down and telling me

> how bad I sucked.

>

> Wish I could do it. Too late now.

>

> Mia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mia,

I think it is totally amazing that you are going to be a nurse! Your experience

with your FOO will only help you be a compassionate and understanding nurse.

Now...

Speaking as someone who majored in dance, even got an MFA in it, I can tell you

that I am so jealous that you majored in a something that will give you a career

that will support you. You do NOT need to major in art to be an artist. In fact,

most successful artists do not major in art. I do not even dance professionally

anymore, because I just can't support myself. There are many ways for you to

continue your art without needing a degree in it. You can take courses at the

university without focusing on a degree, there are many books to study from,

learning the art of " free play " , etc.

I wish I had become a doctor, in fact, I'm thinking of going back to school

(again) to get a degree in biomechanical engineering--so I can design bicycles.

Artists who only study art only make boring art. You are learning so many things

that will help make you an original, an authentic artist. Don't give up your

art, but also, what I have learned, don't let the art run your life either.

Also, if you say that you freaked out being an art major--don't be an art major.

Study art as it pertains to your life. At your own pace. There is nothing wrong

with that. There is so much crap art produced in this world, I see nothing wrong

with developing your own eye, your own voice, your own experience, and taking

your sweet time deciding what you want to say and how you want to say it.

You also mention having a tribal background...wow, all of your experience and

history will only authenticate your art.

I think becoming a nurse is such an amazing thing, really.

>

> I mentioned before I'm down. Still there.

>

> I wish I had normal parental moral support growing up... someone in my damn

> cheering section. Maybe then I wouldn't doubt myself on every stinking

> thing I take on.

>

> When I finally got around to going back to school, I was an art major. I

> love doing visual art, but I haven't enough confidence in myself or my

> artistic abilities to be an art major. I ended up freaking out and going

> into nursing. I generally have more confidence in my intellect than my

> artistic side.

>

> But now I'm wondering if I seriously screwed up doing that. I mean, I can't

> switch AGAIN, not now. I have 8 more months in the accelerated nursing

> program till I graduate & can take my state boards to be an LPN. Not to

> mention I'll have tons of money to pay back in financial aid... good god

> this school is EXPENSIVE.

>

> I just wish so badly that I had that growing up like most normal kids have.

> No one was ever cheering me on, they were dragging me down and telling me

> how bad I sucked.

>

> Wish I could do it. Too late now.

>

> Mia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Keep an open mind about the possibility of doing both: first focus on completing

your nursing schooling and get a good-paying job in your field, AND THEN pursue

your artistic interests on the side. I have a regular job AND I play a musical

instrument and have even gotten some paying gigs, on the side. So, sometimes,

you can have your cake and eat it too!

It doesn't necessarily have to be an all-or-nothing proposition, not necessarily

just one choice or the other. There can be a happy middle road, and shades of

gray between the two extremes.

I personally find that it enhances my enjoyment of my creative outlet when I'm

under the gun at work, then playing music with friends when I have a day off

(and sometimes even getting paid to do it) is that much sweeter.

-Annie

>

> I mentioned before I'm down. Still there.

>

> I wish I had normal parental moral support growing up... someone in my damn

> cheering section. Maybe then I wouldn't doubt myself on every stinking

> thing I take on.

>

> When I finally got around to going back to school, I was an art major. I

> love doing visual art, but I haven't enough confidence in myself or my

> artistic abilities to be an art major. I ended up freaking out and going

> into nursing. I generally have more confidence in my intellect than my

> artistic side.

>

> But now I'm wondering if I seriously screwed up doing that. I mean, I can't

> switch AGAIN, not now. I have 8 more months in the accelerated nursing

> program till I graduate & can take my state boards to be an LPN. Not to

> mention I'll have tons of money to pay back in financial aid... good god

> this school is EXPENSIVE.

>

> I just wish so badly that I had that growing up like most normal kids have.

> No one was ever cheering me on, they were dragging me down and telling me

> how bad I sucked.

>

> Wish I could do it. Too late now.

>

> Mia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

(((Mia)))))

I know how you feel sister. Truly. I think the part in SWOE where it is

outlined that we may need to mourn the loss of our parent (or parents) is really

important. We can't go back in time and change things and holding out hope is

really emotionally deadly in my opinion. So, the only thing you can really do

is realize what your learned and share that - AND, you can reparent yourself.

So, we've all been there and although its not the same, we can cheer you on.

Sometimes when our FOO sucks in the moral support department, we have to adopt a

soul family. A Soul Family loves and supports you, wants your happiness and

success and isn't afraid to tell you they love you. Our soul families come from

our good friends, companions and (thank God) the internet.

We maybe didn't get what we needed back then, but we can have it in a way that

is nearly as good now.

I also know and understand the doubt thing. My God, do you know I suffered

through 2 emotionally abusive relationships because I really wasn't sure if they

were abusive or I was being overly sensitive like nada always said I was? I

missed all the signs that were clear as day because I held onto the belief that

what I saw wasn't real. Now, when it comes to human interactions I have one

sure fire system that never lets me down - my gut. When i run into bad people,

I get this heavy twisting sensation in my gut. My body will speak to me when my

mind can't do it well because it is handicapped. So, I listen to my gut.

With school, it's not all or nothing. For your degree, going into nursing is

probably more solid and lucrative than art. But guess what, you can take art

classes any time you want and if you later wish to pursue a degree in art, YOU

CAN. It isn't a one time shot. So, you made a good decision, I think and can

always return to art later. You are not limited. Another cool thing - is

outside the degree arena, right now, you can still do art. If you love to

create, then create. You will make an excellent nurse and I have no doubt your

artistic talents are probably quite wonderful. Build yourself up.

Write those affirmations and read them - I am a loving, caring and wonderful

person. I am artistic, creative and whole. I am successful and cared for. I

am worthy of love and can give it freely. I am a survivor and am so strong. I

am a valuable person that many individuals admire (this is true!!!!).

So write them and flip those thoughts around. Check out don Ruiz book,

The Voice of Knowledge. It really helps us learn to discount the liar inside of

our heads that our parents put there and help us see that the stories the liar

tells isn't the truth just because it comes from inside your head. If you want

to doubt something, doubt the validity of your self-limiting thoughts.

You are amazing! You rock!

Jaie

>

> I mentioned before I'm down. Still there.

>

> I wish I had normal parental moral support growing up... someone in my damn

> cheering section. Maybe then I wouldn't doubt myself on every stinking

> thing I take on.

>

> When I finally got around to going back to school, I was an art major. I

> love doing visual art, but I haven't enough confidence in myself or my

> artistic abilities to be an art major. I ended up freaking out and going

> into nursing. I generally have more confidence in my intellect than my

> artistic side.

>

> But now I'm wondering if I seriously screwed up doing that. I mean, I can't

> switch AGAIN, not now. I have 8 more months in the accelerated nursing

> program till I graduate & can take my state boards to be an LPN. Not to

> mention I'll have tons of money to pay back in financial aid... good god

> this school is EXPENSIVE.

>

> I just wish so badly that I had that growing up like most normal kids have.

> No one was ever cheering me on, they were dragging me down and telling me

> how bad I sucked.

>

> Wish I could do it. Too late now.

>

> Mia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mia, I am old enough to be your mom and what you are going through isn't just

because your mom was BP. My sons had two very involved parents. We paid for

their educations and supported their every educational choice (even when we

thought some of their choices were kind of dopey, but we supported them) Anyway

each of my sons went through or is going through the same feelings about their

career choices that you are going through. After holding his younger brother's

hands through their " am I ready for this crisis " my older son decided that

everyone must go through this and it is part of the developmental process. Even

with everything he had going for him, he graduated from Grad school went into a

severe depression and lived at home for a year. He is thriving now and ever

thinking about going back to school. Your feelings are a normal, Even kids with

great, supportive parents have those feelings. Trust me! I told my kids " I love

you unconditionally! I support you whole heartedly. You are a wonderful person!

You will be a good ___________ plug in career choice " and they still had the

same doubts you had. It would be great if you had a real mom, and it is tough

always having to mother yourself, but I gave my kids the mom I always wanted and

never had (she died and left me with FADA) and they still have those same

doubts. You are not having doubts because you didn't have a cheering section, or

because you had an unsupportive Nada. You are having normal young person doubts

because that is what you do before you leave school and realize you are going to

be a nurse or a teacher or a whatever for a long time.

Goooooooooo Mia! Sis! Boom! Bah!

How's that for cheerleading?

Much Love and Healing!

Kay

>

> I mentioned before I'm down. Still there.

>

> I wish I had normal parental moral support growing up... someone in my damn

> cheering section. Maybe then I wouldn't doubt myself on every stinking

> thing I take on.

>

> When I finally got around to going back to school, I was an art major. I

> love doing visual art, but I haven't enough confidence in myself or my

> artistic abilities to be an art major. I ended up freaking out and going

> into nursing. I generally have more confidence in my intellect than my

> artistic side.

>

> But now I'm wondering if I seriously screwed up doing that. I mean, I can't

> switch AGAIN, not now. I have 8 more months in the accelerated nursing

> program till I graduate & can take my state boards to be an LPN. Not to

> mention I'll have tons of money to pay back in financial aid... good god

> this school is EXPENSIVE.

>

> I just wish so badly that I had that growing up like most normal kids have.

> No one was ever cheering me on, they were dragging me down and telling me

> how bad I sucked.

>

> Wish I could do it. Too late now.

>

> Mia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mia, I am old enough to be your mom and what you are going through isn't just

because your mom was BP. My sons had two very involved parents. We paid for

their educations and supported their every educational choice (even when we

thought some of their choices were kind of dopey, but we supported them) Anyway

each of my sons went through or is going through the same feelings about their

career choices that you are going through. After holding his younger brother's

hands through their " am I ready for this crisis " my older son decided that

everyone must go through this and it is part of the developmental process. Even

with everything he had going for him, he graduated from Grad school went into a

severe depression and lived at home for a year. He is thriving now and ever

thinking about going back to school. Your feelings are a normal, Even kids with

great, supportive parents have those feelings. Trust me! I told my kids " I love

you unconditionally! I support you whole heartedly. You are a wonderful person!

You will be a good ___________ plug in career choice " and they still had the

same doubts you had. It would be great if you had a real mom, and it is tough

always having to mother yourself, but I gave my kids the mom I always wanted and

never had (she died and left me with FADA) and they still have those same

doubts. You are not having doubts because you didn't have a cheering section, or

because you had an unsupportive Nada. You are having normal young person doubts

because that is what you do before you leave school and realize you are going to

be a nurse or a teacher or a whatever for a long time.

Goooooooooo Mia! Sis! Boom! Bah!

How's that for cheerleading?

Much Love and Healing!

Kay

>

> I mentioned before I'm down. Still there.

>

> I wish I had normal parental moral support growing up... someone in my damn

> cheering section. Maybe then I wouldn't doubt myself on every stinking

> thing I take on.

>

> When I finally got around to going back to school, I was an art major. I

> love doing visual art, but I haven't enough confidence in myself or my

> artistic abilities to be an art major. I ended up freaking out and going

> into nursing. I generally have more confidence in my intellect than my

> artistic side.

>

> But now I'm wondering if I seriously screwed up doing that. I mean, I can't

> switch AGAIN, not now. I have 8 more months in the accelerated nursing

> program till I graduate & can take my state boards to be an LPN. Not to

> mention I'll have tons of money to pay back in financial aid... good god

> this school is EXPENSIVE.

>

> I just wish so badly that I had that growing up like most normal kids have.

> No one was ever cheering me on, they were dragging me down and telling me

> how bad I sucked.

>

> Wish I could do it. Too late now.

>

> Mia

>

>

>