Re: Bad news (long email)

October 21, 2002

While I can't claim to understand all of your experiences, please know my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kim C.

October 21, 2002

While I can't claim to understand all of your experiences, please know my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kim C.

October 21, 2002

While I can't claim to understand all of your experiences, please know my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kim C.

October 21, 2002

Helen Marie,

I am very sorry about your bad news. I will pray that an answer comes

to you soon.

Roxie

October 21, 2002

Helen Marie,

I am very sorry about your bad news. I will pray that an answer comes

to you soon.

Roxie

October 21, 2002

Helen Marie,

I am very sorry about your bad news. I will pray that an answer comes

to you soon.

Roxie

October 21, 2002

Helen Marie, my thoughts are with you. I have thoroughly enjoyed

reading your posts and have learned from you and was saddened to read

your bad news email... I just wanted you to know that I am thinking

of you and wishing it weren't so. Continue to take care of yourself

and be gentle. Grief is such an incredibly powerful thing.

October 21, 2002

Helen Marie, my thoughts are with you. I have thoroughly enjoyed

reading your posts and have learned from you and was saddened to read

your bad news email... I just wanted you to know that I am thinking

of you and wishing it weren't so. Continue to take care of yourself

and be gentle. Grief is such an incredibly powerful thing.

October 21, 2002

Helen Marie, my thoughts are with you. I have thoroughly enjoyed

reading your posts and have learned from you and was saddened to read

your bad news email... I just wanted you to know that I am thinking

of you and wishing it weren't so. Continue to take care of yourself

and be gentle. Grief is such an incredibly powerful thing.

October 21, 2002

Oh Helen, I'm so sorry. Keep up the hope. I wouldn't jump to

conclusions regarding rescarring until you have seen a doctor. I

don't think that a doctor should say something like that over the

phone. Especially when you could be having your period cramping, I

don't know it doesn't seem right to me.

Take a long bath, have a cup of tea, or a beer and do whatever you

have to do to not think about babies for just one day. I think it

will help for you to get away from it. Yes, make an appt. ASAP to

see Dr. Palter or Dr. Valle whichever is closer to you. I have heard

great things about both.

Good luck to you, keep talking about it and it will feel better.

Debbie C

P.S. - Imagine how much money we could raise if we all donated our

spending on pregnancy tests?

October 21, 2002

Oh Helen, I'm so sorry. Keep up the hope. I wouldn't jump to

conclusions regarding rescarring until you have seen a doctor. I

don't think that a doctor should say something like that over the

phone. Especially when you could be having your period cramping, I

don't know it doesn't seem right to me.

Take a long bath, have a cup of tea, or a beer and do whatever you

have to do to not think about babies for just one day. I think it

will help for you to get away from it. Yes, make an appt. ASAP to

see Dr. Palter or Dr. Valle whichever is closer to you. I have heard

great things about both.

Good luck to you, keep talking about it and it will feel better.

Debbie C

P.S. - Imagine how much money we could raise if we all donated our

spending on pregnancy tests?

October 21, 2002

Oh Helen, I'm so sorry. Keep up the hope. I wouldn't jump to

conclusions regarding rescarring until you have seen a doctor. I

don't think that a doctor should say something like that over the

phone. Especially when you could be having your period cramping, I

don't know it doesn't seem right to me.

Take a long bath, have a cup of tea, or a beer and do whatever you

have to do to not think about babies for just one day. I think it

will help for you to get away from it. Yes, make an appt. ASAP to

see Dr. Palter or Dr. Valle whichever is closer to you. I have heard

great things about both.

Good luck to you, keep talking about it and it will feel better.

Debbie C

P.S. - Imagine how much money we could raise if we all donated our

spending on pregnancy tests?

October 21, 2002

Helen Marie - I am so sorry to hear of your news. I can imagine how

heartbroken you must be. Give yourself time to grieve this....and

try to have faith that things do work out in the end, even if it

doesn't look like they will know. One way or another, you will find

peace with this.

Gwen

October 22, 2002

hm,

my thoughts of with at this difficult time you have been going through. There is always a silver lining behind every cloud even if it is hard for you to see at this time.

judy

helenmarie11 wrote:

Dear All;Well, the doctor called Sunday morning and said the the pregnancy test was negative and my progesterone was <1, so I should start my period soon. I started having cramping Sunday night and all day today. There is a little blood when I check the cervical mucus, but not enough to even stain my panties. Last month was pretty much the same, but I thought maybe the progesterone suppositories I used in the last 2 weeks could have thinned the lining. I saw a nice triple stripe in the upper part of the uterus on the ultrasounds and I have quite a bit of cramping, so I think I have scarred back together in the lower part of the uterus but have functional endometrium above.I talked with my doctor a couple of hours ago and he agrees that is probably the case. He said I was right to be concerned about functional endometrium above and that I could choose to have periodic ultrasounds to monitor for that like they do in women that have had elective endometrial ablation. He agreed I should talk with my oncologist about the safety of that given my history of endometrial cancer and said he would send him a note.I told him that I was going to get a second opinion just so I can sleep well at night that I have done everything I can to support my own health. He did not know Dr. Palter, but he did know of Dr. Valle. He was concerned that the doctors who get labeled "experts" may be those that publish the most rather than those the are the best clinicians. He was concerned as well that I and the doctor I consulted might not keep in mind the big picture (that I'm 46 and my ovaries are reaching the end of the road). I think he was worried that I would get roped into spending a lot of money on useless treatment. I think he sees a lot of women who go doctor shopping out of a desperate desire to find someone who will tell them they can have a baby, but who then take all their money, leaving them without a baby and without enough money to adopt. I am not concerned about that as I've been living with myself for a long time. A consultation with Dr. Palter is $3-400, and it will cause me no physical harm, and in all likelihood he will reassure me that my doctors have done a good job, and then I will sleep better. If Dr. Palter recommends some kind of treatment, I am well able to assess the pros and cons. I have faith in my good judgement.Right now I have no idea if we will want to adopt and I'm too emotionally exhausted to really think about it. I've loved the work I've been doing with the kindergarten sunday school and the church youth group, but I'm sad when summer comes or somebody doesn't come to class. I hated giving the babies back to their parents when I did Peds and it was why I didn't go into Peds. I'm going to have to do something, but what to do given our circumstances (age, personalities, jobs) is not clear. But, I know that I will figure it out so long as I don't give up and pretend like it doesn't matter.It took me 6 years of exploring and 15 years of training to get the job I've had for the last 10 years, but I have a great job and I really love it. It took me 4-5 years of counseling, then 4-5 years of beating the bushes, and then 3 years of lobbying to get my husband to marry me, but he is a gem and we are very happy. I know something beautiful will come for me with children, but I sure wish I was there already. I've been pretty depressed about this. Yesterday was the Sunday where the children put on the service and I had to leave part-way through because I was crying. It's a bit dramatic, but we watched Lord of the Rings this weekend. I told my husband that I feel like Frodo. I'm sure all of this will be good for my soul and no doubt good beyond myself will come out of this experience, but I wish I didn't have to be the ring bearer. (I know it's kind of self-aggrandizing, but I'm feeling like a bit of a martyr and like crying in my beer and feeling sorry for myself and that no-one has ever suffered as much as me, etc. If I've got to go through all of this, well, I'm going to have myself a pity party.) I will be brave again another day, but right now it sucks and I feel sorry for me.Thanks for being there (I feel a little cheered up already just by writing this email).Helen Marie

October 22, 2002

hm,

my thoughts of with at this difficult time you have been going through. There is always a silver lining behind every cloud even if it is hard for you to see at this time.

judy

helenmarie11 wrote:

Dear All;Well, the doctor called Sunday morning and said the the pregnancy test was negative and my progesterone was <1, so I should start my period soon. I started having cramping Sunday night and all day today. There is a little blood when I check the cervical mucus, but not enough to even stain my panties. Last month was pretty much the same, but I thought maybe the progesterone suppositories I used in the last 2 weeks could have thinned the lining. I saw a nice triple stripe in the upper part of the uterus on the ultrasounds and I have quite a bit of cramping, so I think I have scarred back together in the lower part of the uterus but have functional endometrium above.I talked with my doctor a couple of hours ago and he agrees that is probably the case. He said I was right to be concerned about functional endometrium above and that I could choose to have periodic ultrasounds to monitor for that like they do in women that have had elective endometrial ablation. He agreed I should talk with my oncologist about the safety of that given my history of endometrial cancer and said he would send him a note.I told him that I was going to get a second opinion just so I can sleep well at night that I have done everything I can to support my own health. He did not know Dr. Palter, but he did know of Dr. Valle. He was concerned that the doctors who get labeled "experts" may be those that publish the most rather than those the are the best clinicians. He was concerned as well that I and the doctor I consulted might not keep in mind the big picture (that I'm 46 and my ovaries are reaching the end of the road). I think he was worried that I would get roped into spending a lot of money on useless treatment. I think he sees a lot of women who go doctor shopping out of a desperate desire to find someone who will tell them they can have a baby, but who then take all their money, leaving them without a baby and without enough money to adopt. I am not concerned about that as I've been living with myself for a long time. A consultation with Dr. Palter is $3-400, and it will cause me no physical harm, and in all likelihood he will reassure me that my doctors have done a good job, and then I will sleep better. If Dr. Palter recommends some kind of treatment, I am well able to assess the pros and cons. I have faith in my good judgement.Right now I have no idea if we will want to adopt and I'm too emotionally exhausted to really think about it. I've loved the work I've been doing with the kindergarten sunday school and the church youth group, but I'm sad when summer comes or somebody doesn't come to class. I hated giving the babies back to their parents when I did Peds and it was why I didn't go into Peds. I'm going to have to do something, but what to do given our circumstances (age, personalities, jobs) is not clear. But, I know that I will figure it out so long as I don't give up and pretend like it doesn't matter.It took me 6 years of exploring and 15 years of training to get the job I've had for the last 10 years, but I have a great job and I really love it. It took me 4-5 years of counseling, then 4-5 years of beating the bushes, and then 3 years of lobbying to get my husband to marry me, but he is a gem and we are very happy. I know something beautiful will come for me with children, but I sure wish I was there already. I've been pretty depressed about this. Yesterday was the Sunday where the children put on the service and I had to leave part-way through because I was crying. It's a bit dramatic, but we watched Lord of the Rings this weekend. I told my husband that I feel like Frodo. I'm sure all of this will be good for my soul and no doubt good beyond myself will come out of this experience, but I wish I didn't have to be the ring bearer. (I know it's kind of self-aggrandizing, but I'm feeling like a bit of a martyr and like crying in my beer and feeling sorry for myself and that no-one has ever suffered as much as me, etc. If I've got to go through all of this, well, I'm going to have myself a pity party.) I will be brave again another day, but right now it sucks and I feel sorry for me.Thanks for being there (I feel a little cheered up already just by writing this email).Helen Marie

October 22, 2002

Dear Helenmarie,

I was so sorry to read your email, but am happy that you will be looking into going to see an A list doctor. Your doctor told you that he was concerned that the doctors get labeled "experts" because of how many articles they publish BUT at least we know that our A list doctors HAVE had a lot of success with members of this group and we did not go by what they published but with the success of this group.

I also wanted to comment on your thoughts about adoption. What you are going through now is what I was going through exactly one year ago. I didn't really want to adopt but I kept pushing myself to because I knew that time was running out and if we were to get a young baby then now was the time. Then I thought that if we adopt, we can always continue treatment after. To be honest with you, I did not believe that m could take away my yearning for my own biological child. Not that I still don't want to try (if I ever get to that stage) but right now, I won't mind adopting one more or even two more. I just thought I'd mention this to you because it may be something to think about in more depth.

Hope you are feeling a lot better today.

Poly

October 22, 2002

Dear Helenmarie,

I was so sorry to read your email, but am happy that you will be looking into going to see an A list doctor. Your doctor told you that he was concerned that the doctors get labeled "experts" because of how many articles they publish BUT at least we know that our A list doctors HAVE had a lot of success with members of this group and we did not go by what they published but with the success of this group.

I also wanted to comment on your thoughts about adoption. What you are going through now is what I was going through exactly one year ago. I didn't really want to adopt but I kept pushing myself to because I knew that time was running out and if we were to get a young baby then now was the time. Then I thought that if we adopt, we can always continue treatment after. To be honest with you, I did not believe that m could take away my yearning for my own biological child. Not that I still don't want to try (if I ever get to that stage) but right now, I won't mind adopting one more or even two more. I just thought I'd mention this to you because it may be something to think about in more depth.

Hope you are feeling a lot better today.

Poly

October 22, 2002

Dear Helenmarie,

I was so sorry to read your email, but am happy that you will be looking into going to see an A list doctor. Your doctor told you that he was concerned that the doctors get labeled "experts" because of how many articles they publish BUT at least we know that our A list doctors HAVE had a lot of success with members of this group and we did not go by what they published but with the success of this group.

I also wanted to comment on your thoughts about adoption. What you are going through now is what I was going through exactly one year ago. I didn't really want to adopt but I kept pushing myself to because I knew that time was running out and if we were to get a young baby then now was the time. Then I thought that if we adopt, we can always continue treatment after. To be honest with you, I did not believe that m could take away my yearning for my own biological child. Not that I still don't want to try (if I ever get to that stage) but right now, I won't mind adopting one more or even two more. I just thought I'd mention this to you because it may be something to think about in more depth.

Hope you are feeling a lot better today.

Poly

October 22, 2002

Hi Helen Marie,

I am so sorry to hear your news. I wish I could give you a big hug.

For lack of more eloquent words, yes it SUCKS! It is ok for you to

feel the way you do. When I found out that my scarring reformed, I

had a pity party for myself. I bought myself a Carvel ice cream

cake. It was delicious and I ate every bite. I needed to go through

these feelings and thoughts to get them out of my system.

I think it is a good idea to get a second opinion with Dr. Palter. I

am getting a second opinion and feel that I will have tried

everything. When is your appointment with Dr. Palter? You have very

good judgement and you and your husband will make the right decision.

I always believe that things will work out, even in the long run.

I am a runner and I think of it as we each are on an individual

journey, going forward one step at a time, moving closer, and one day

we will finally reach our goal/finish line. There are the elite

runners who cross the finish line with ease. Then there are runners

who pass me as I am trudging and panting up a hill. The effort slows

me down but I am determined on getting across that finish line, even

if there are more hills, if it rains, snows, even if I have to walk,

even if I am the only one left on the course. It is the determination

and inner strength that keeps us all going. I know you have this in

you and more. In our race, we are not alone, we have this wonderful

group cheering and encouraging us from the sidelines.

I am thinking of you.

Take care of yourself and keep us posted.

Hugs,

October 22, 2002