Guest guest Posted October 18, 2002 Report Share Posted October 18, 2002 Hi a, It sounds like this person has issues of their own to deal with and is taking it out on you. Perhaps she would really like a family of her own and being around people who are married or have children just reminds her of her own desire. And the fact that she denies wanting a family over and over could be a front for her true feelings. There is no excuse for her behavior and she should not have made a comment like that in front of a room of people or to you privately. I know it is easier said than done, but people who behave like that are better of being ignored. She is dealing with her own pain and therefore is not able to be sensitive to yours. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. in PA PS: Wanting a second child is not selfish at all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2002 Report Share Posted October 18, 2002 Hi a, It sounds like this person has issues of their own to deal with and is taking it out on you. Perhaps she would really like a family of her own and being around people who are married or have children just reminds her of her own desire. And the fact that she denies wanting a family over and over could be a front for her true feelings. There is no excuse for her behavior and she should not have made a comment like that in front of a room of people or to you privately. I know it is easier said than done, but people who behave like that are better of being ignored. She is dealing with her own pain and therefore is not able to be sensitive to yours. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. in PA PS: Wanting a second child is not selfish at all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2002 Report Share Posted October 18, 2002 Thanks , Your words have really helped me - I do suspect she may have issues of her own. Generally everyone on my staff tries hard not to say things that upset people but her remarks were definitely intended to hurt so I'm sure she must be bitter about something inside. Thanks again for your kindness - I think I will sleep better tonight now! a st message: Ashermansonelist Subscribe: Ashermans-subscribeonelist Unsubscribe: Ashermans-unsubscribeonelist List owner: Ashermans-owneronelist Shortcut URL to this page: http://www.onelist.com/community/Ashermans Our Web Site: www.ashermans.freeservers.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2002 Report Share Posted October 18, 2002 Thanks , Your words have really helped me - I do suspect she may have issues of her own. Generally everyone on my staff tries hard not to say things that upset people but her remarks were definitely intended to hurt so I'm sure she must be bitter about something inside. Thanks again for your kindness - I think I will sleep better tonight now! a st message: Ashermansonelist Subscribe: Ashermans-subscribeonelist Unsubscribe: Ashermans-unsubscribeonelist List owner: Ashermans-owneronelist Shortcut URL to this page: http://www.onelist.com/community/Ashermans Our Web Site: www.ashermans.freeservers.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2002 Report Share Posted October 18, 2002 Thanks , Your words have really helped me - I do suspect she may have issues of her own. Generally everyone on my staff tries hard not to say things that upset people but her remarks were definitely intended to hurt so I'm sure she must be bitter about something inside. Thanks again for your kindness - I think I will sleep better tonight now! a st message: Ashermansonelist Subscribe: Ashermans-subscribeonelist Unsubscribe: Ashermans-unsubscribeonelist List owner: Ashermans-owneronelist Shortcut URL to this page: http://www.onelist.com/community/Ashermans Our Web Site: www.ashermans.freeservers.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2002 Report Share Posted October 18, 2002 a, I think is right and that woman has a lot of issues herself. I have a friend who never got pregnant even though she really wanted a child. When I was pregnant, she made a lot of rude comments. The worst was when she knew that I had 2 m/c and I told her I was pregnant again. She said " Wow, how many do you have to lose before you just give up? " This same woman always says how she doesn't like kids etc...but she admitted once that she wanted them very badly. There is nothing wrong with wanting a second child. It is still a huge loss to find out that it is difficult or impossible to have another child and no one not experiencing it doesn't have a clue how it feels. I wish you luck and hope this woman doesn't feel the need to hurt you anymore. Roxie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2002 Report Share Posted October 18, 2002 a, I think is right and that woman has a lot of issues herself. I have a friend who never got pregnant even though she really wanted a child. When I was pregnant, she made a lot of rude comments. The worst was when she knew that I had 2 m/c and I told her I was pregnant again. She said " Wow, how many do you have to lose before you just give up? " This same woman always says how she doesn't like kids etc...but she admitted once that she wanted them very badly. There is nothing wrong with wanting a second child. It is still a huge loss to find out that it is difficult or impossible to have another child and no one not experiencing it doesn't have a clue how it feels. I wish you luck and hope this woman doesn't feel the need to hurt you anymore. Roxie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 18, 2002 Report Share Posted October 18, 2002 a, I think is right and that woman has a lot of issues herself. I have a friend who never got pregnant even though she really wanted a child. When I was pregnant, she made a lot of rude comments. The worst was when she knew that I had 2 m/c and I told her I was pregnant again. She said " Wow, how many do you have to lose before you just give up? " This same woman always says how she doesn't like kids etc...but she admitted once that she wanted them very badly. There is nothing wrong with wanting a second child. It is still a huge loss to find out that it is difficult or impossible to have another child and no one not experiencing it doesn't have a clue how it feels. I wish you luck and hope this woman doesn't feel the need to hurt you anymore. Roxie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 Thanks Roxie, Your comments really help. When someone launches a personal attack it really is hurtful but I'm sure you are right and the problem is with her. As you say no-one can understand someone else's situation unless they are in it. Some people try harder than others in this respect. I don't want sympathy from my colleagues - although support is always useful - but I definitely don't want those sort of negative comments either! It must have been difficult for you to deal with the woman you mention too - I'm sorry you have also been at the receiving end of unhelpful remarks. Thanks for your message - it helps alot, a - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 Thanks Roxie, Your comments really help. When someone launches a personal attack it really is hurtful but I'm sure you are right and the problem is with her. As you say no-one can understand someone else's situation unless they are in it. Some people try harder than others in this respect. I don't want sympathy from my colleagues - although support is always useful - but I definitely don't want those sort of negative comments either! It must have been difficult for you to deal with the woman you mention too - I'm sorry you have also been at the receiving end of unhelpful remarks. Thanks for your message - it helps alot, a - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 Thanks Roxie, Your comments really help. When someone launches a personal attack it really is hurtful but I'm sure you are right and the problem is with her. As you say no-one can understand someone else's situation unless they are in it. Some people try harder than others in this respect. I don't want sympathy from my colleagues - although support is always useful - but I definitely don't want those sort of negative comments either! It must have been difficult for you to deal with the woman you mention too - I'm sorry you have also been at the receiving end of unhelpful remarks. Thanks for your message - it helps alot, a - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 I'm so sorry you experienced that, but I don't think you should take it personally. One of the good things that has come out of my experiences the last 3 years is that I've been in a position to stick with people who said hurtful things to me and I've found that without exception they had some difficult circumstance themselves. For example, one woman who was initially condemning of me for trying hormonal therapy for the endometrial cancer and the risk that entailed instead of just having it all taken out turned out to have had to have a total hysterectomy when she was 28 because her IUD gave her such bad pelvic inflammatory disease that she nearly died. I'm sure there are exceptions and people who are just thoughtless. I wonder if this woman has been disappointed in love and is embittered thinking she won't have children herself. At any rate, it helps me if I try to remember that that kind of statement probably is coming from some problem of their own rather than having anything to do with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 I'm so sorry you experienced that, but I don't think you should take it personally. One of the good things that has come out of my experiences the last 3 years is that I've been in a position to stick with people who said hurtful things to me and I've found that without exception they had some difficult circumstance themselves. For example, one woman who was initially condemning of me for trying hormonal therapy for the endometrial cancer and the risk that entailed instead of just having it all taken out turned out to have had to have a total hysterectomy when she was 28 because her IUD gave her such bad pelvic inflammatory disease that she nearly died. I'm sure there are exceptions and people who are just thoughtless. I wonder if this woman has been disappointed in love and is embittered thinking she won't have children herself. At any rate, it helps me if I try to remember that that kind of statement probably is coming from some problem of their own rather than having anything to do with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 a, Oooooooh I am just so angry after reading your email. I'm glad she doesn't want children because I hate to think what she would put them through and she teaches? I have to finish this email because I am getting angry just thinking that such a cruel, twisted, malicious individual doesn't know when to shut up and keep her opinions to herself. Lesia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 a, Oooooooh I am just so angry after reading your email. I'm glad she doesn't want children because I hate to think what she would put them through and she teaches? I have to finish this email because I am getting angry just thinking that such a cruel, twisted, malicious individual doesn't know when to shut up and keep her opinions to herself. Lesia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 a, Oooooooh I am just so angry after reading your email. I'm glad she doesn't want children because I hate to think what she would put them through and she teaches? I have to finish this email because I am getting angry just thinking that such a cruel, twisted, malicious individual doesn't know when to shut up and keep her opinions to herself. Lesia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 Sorry, I know I should look at the fact that she is probably suffering herself but I'm just not up for it today. Lesia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 Sorry, I know I should look at the fact that she is probably suffering herself but I'm just not up for it today. Lesia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 Sorry, I know I should look at the fact that she is probably suffering herself but I'm just not up for it today. Lesia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 Helen-Marie, You are right - I have now discovered that her anti-children, anti-marriage/ long term relationships stems from the fact that she was divorced in her twenties and now at 35 only has short term relationships - maybe as she doesn't want to be hurt again. She probably also sees time ticking by and is trying to convince herself that she doesn't ever want children. I do feel for her and her situation as she seems to be a very bitter and unhappy person. Nevertheless she has hurt several people on the staff over the past few months and seems to be trying to make me feel very guilty about having another child when I already have one. I certainly haven't complained openly about being so desperate for another child - although I am, and I have the very, very greatest sympathy for anyone with fertility problems whether primary or secondary. Anyway I think I must just be careful not to mention anything at all to do with children when she is around - she is just looking for someone to take her anger out on and I was in the firing line. Unfortunately she is very good at hitting on people's weak spots and I am certainly rather more sensitive at the moment following my surgery and 'uncertain' future in terms of fertility. It was probably one of the worst comments she could have made to me at this moment in time and of course has made me think why am I doing all this when I am already so lucky. It is only having this group that has really helped me feel justified in having the feelings I do have regarding my fertility and it is knowing that I am not alone in this journey that has helped me through. Thank you so, so much! It has meant a great deal to me having support at this time and given me the confidence to start feeling positive about my situation again. Once again - an enormous thank you! a http://us.click.yahoo.com/QrPZMC/iTmEAA/jd3IAA/07SolB/TM ---------------------------------------------------------------------~-> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 Lesia, Thanks for your support - I think her comments have effected me very deeply although I know I shouldn't let them. I keep analysing what I could have done to her to make her say such a hurtful thing to me, but to be honest I don't know her that well and can't think of anything. She actually continued after that remark to say that she would hate to have children in case any turned out like the children she teaches! Again, a strange comment as we are lucky to teach in a school with lovely boys and lovely parents. I think deep down maybe she does want children and as she has no long term relationship is convincing herself it would be a dreadful thing to do. However I do feel that whatever your situation and however sad you feel about your own circumstances no-one has the right to make spiteful remarks to anyone else. Sorry - I'm getting emotional again - must be the drugs! Good luck with your Germany trip by the way - I will be thinking of you all the way! Thanks again for your kind and supportive e-mail - I don't feel quite so alone in my hurt now - it's really wonderful to have people who can empathise! a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 Lesia, Thanks for your support - I think her comments have effected me very deeply although I know I shouldn't let them. I keep analysing what I could have done to her to make her say such a hurtful thing to me, but to be honest I don't know her that well and can't think of anything. She actually continued after that remark to say that she would hate to have children in case any turned out like the children she teaches! Again, a strange comment as we are lucky to teach in a school with lovely boys and lovely parents. I think deep down maybe she does want children and as she has no long term relationship is convincing herself it would be a dreadful thing to do. However I do feel that whatever your situation and however sad you feel about your own circumstances no-one has the right to make spiteful remarks to anyone else. Sorry - I'm getting emotional again - must be the drugs! Good luck with your Germany trip by the way - I will be thinking of you all the way! Thanks again for your kind and supportive e-mail - I don't feel quite so alone in my hurt now - it's really wonderful to have people who can empathise! a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 Dear a, There is nothing wrong with you trying to have a second, third or even fourth child. Please do not let anyone take away your dream. Your colleague is frustrated and is expressing it in the worst form. She needs professional help i.e counseling. Like others already mentioned, she has issues she needs to deal with. Such individual needs to be ignored. The perfect word to describe such person is " a sadist " . I hope you feel better. Regards, gladys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 Dear a, There is nothing wrong with you trying to have a second, third or even fourth child. Please do not let anyone take away your dream. Your colleague is frustrated and is expressing it in the worst form. She needs professional help i.e counseling. Like others already mentioned, she has issues she needs to deal with. Such individual needs to be ignored. The perfect word to describe such person is " a sadist " . I hope you feel better. Regards, gladys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 Dear a, There is nothing wrong with you trying to have a second, third or even fourth child. Please do not let anyone take away your dream. Your colleague is frustrated and is expressing it in the worst form. She needs professional help i.e counseling. Like others already mentioned, she has issues she needs to deal with. Such individual needs to be ignored. The perfect word to describe such person is " a sadist " . I hope you feel better. Regards, gladys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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