Fw: [TickledByTony-Clean] Wednesday's Smiles 1-20-10

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----- Forwarded Message ----To: TickledByTony-Clean-Jokes Sent: Tue, January 19, 2010 11:14:00 PMSubject: [TickledByTony-Clean] Wednesday's Smiles 1-20-10

Tickled By Tony- Clean-Jokes

"I think laughter is very imperative. And that's the important part of my life, of making people laugh so they can forget their problems. A good laugh is better than anything."

~ Comedian Milton Berle (1908-2002)

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The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..."

"Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."

"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them.â€

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command.

Very often, that individual is crazy.

Years ago when I was a child I used to go to a small country store with my Mom. Barrels sat around the store filled with pickles, loose crackers, and huge containers from which lard was dispensed.

One morning my mom and I went to the store to purchase a few groceries. In the store was an elderly woman asking to buy three pounds of lard and have it put into an empty pail she was carrying. The son of the owner was minding the store while the father went to lunch.

He stated, "Miss Abigail, your pail will only hold two pounds."

Miss Abigail looked at him as if he were simple minded and said, "Where is your daddy? He has been putting three pounds of lard in this pail for the last five years!â€

Doritos Slap:

http://www.youtube. com/watch? v=2MRTjS3YO0A

After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed that a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he. "I don't understand," he complained to Saint . "I devoted my entire life to my congregation."

"Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results," Saint explained. "Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?"

"Well," the minister had to admit, "some in the congregation fell asleep from time to time."

"Exactly," said Saint . "And when people rode in this man's taxi, they not only stayed awake, they even prayed.â€

A lonely frog calls a psychic hotline and asks what his future holds.

His personal psychic advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is excited about the news. "That's great! Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.

"No," says the psychic. "In Biology Class.â€

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