Re: Bpd grandnada traumatizes grandkids

[Guest guest]

Yous stories break my heart, all of yours. The image of a switch being turned on

and off in a BP parent is a good one, or one that i can relate to.

I remember a time where I was playing with my cousins, at my grandmother's

house. Dinner or lunchtime was called, I forget. I remember that we didn't come

right away, my BP Mom lost it. She came to " get us " , slapping us around,

yelling, and she took a look at my cousins with an expression of hesitation, and

refrained herself from slapping them, and treating them like she would treat her

own kids.

I think she *knew* she would have gotten in trouble.

Just that incident had both my cousins running away crying, traumatised by my

Mom's anger.

My Mom had to explain herself later on to my Grandma (non BP), because we were

all scared off, freaked out, and she was insisting that she " didn't touch them "

(my cousins).

That feeling of being physically at my BP Mom's mercy, most of the time, has

scarred me, I believe.

> >

> > This is a big trigger: since the birth of my kids, I've been extra careful

in letting nada around them only when I was present. I've been limiting contacts

on purpose because I didn't want to subject my kids to the endless manipulation,

meanness, psychological torture I went through growing up with her.

> >

> > Even in my presence, nada managed to throw some infuriating tantrums: one

day, my then three-year-old was being difficult with his food (like any

three-year-old). Nada went into a mini-rage, accusing the toddler, strapped in

his highchair, of not wanting to eat that food, because it was the food that SHE

prepared, HER food! And she got made at ME because i was not educating my son

well and I was not teaching him to appreciate the food and meals prepared by

other people. It was Nuts, I was fuming. After two more episodes like that I

ended up putting her on a plane back home.

> >

> > Only once, I let the kids stay with her AND my sister for about a week,

during a period of extreme workload for me where I really needed somebody to

watch the kids. And I regretted it later. My then 5-year-old daughter had a

typical melt-down and started to cry one night before bed because she was

'missing mommy'. Such an insult for a BPD, right? I was told later by my son -

who at that point was 8 - that grandma started raging for hours yelling " why are

you crying, you little spoiled brat? Why do you want your mom??? AM I NOT

ENOUGH??? " and on and on.

> >

> > It happened in 2003 and I still cringe when I think about it.

> >

> > So, even with the best of intentions, I do not recommend leaving the kids

with a BPD grandma.

> >

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