Enabling Bad Behavior

[Guest guest]

Looking back I now very clearly see:

1. I chose to attempt to be nada's hero to win her love.

2. I chose to believe her twisted attempts at assassinating my character and in

so doing, I gave her my power.

3. I chose to avoid conflict and argument by just giving nada what she wanted

to a point.

4. I chose to try to be the dutiful daughter of an abusive and neglecting

parent just to be above reproach from her.

5. I chose to pretend the problem didn't exist.

6. Through My own insecurity, I believed that I was the problem.

7. I chose to meet her demands for money and care that she could have and

should have provided for herself.

8. I chose to say yes when in my heart and mind I was screaming no.

9. I chose to give of myself and my means to someone who would suck the life

out of me because I revere motherhood because I am one.

10. I chose to ignore her bad behavior so I could have some shred of a mother

in my life even if she was a bad one.

She never made me feel anything I didn't allow myself to feel. I was a willing

participant until I learned and fully realized that I could make a better

choice. I was at fault for my own suffering by not standing up for myself and

setting healthy boundaries. When I was little it was her fault. But when I grew

up, it was mine for continuing to enable her bad behavior.

Now I know:

1. I have the right to say no without engaging in a debate about my no or

having to defend it.

2. I have the right to discontinue any conversation or relationship that makes

me feel uncomfortable or in any way raises feelings of violation in me.

3. I have the right to peace and sanity and healthy relationships with people

who respect themselves enough to respect my boundaries.

4. I have the right to focus on my children without someone making me feel

horrible because I'm putting children above a grown adult!

5. I have the right to pursue happiness in my life without someone critiquing

it every step of the way.

6. I deserve to have relationships with people who are sincere and are not

manipulating me just to get something from me.

7. I have the right to be loved for just being me and not have to earn

someone's love by proving I can rescue them or do something of value for them

first.

8. I earn my own money and have the right to spend it on my debts, my children,

on my hobbies and my pleasures without someone screaming at me to buy their

dentures and quite being a selfish witch with a capital B.

9. I deserve to have peace and quiet between 1 and 5 am and not be screamed at

for not answering the 20 drunken phone calls to insult me.

10. I have the right to be free from the past that harmed me and that I further

allowed to harm me.

11. I have the right to heal my wounds from my choices without any form of

interference from my abuser and if she doesn't like it that's just too da#@ bad!

I'm a good person, who works hard. I may be judged harshly because I don't have

a good relationship with my mother but with everything in me I tried. I just

refuse to cater to and take abuse from insane people, regardless of their

position in my life. It is what it is.

Instead of enabling bad behavior, I now choose to enable my healing, my freedom

and my own self-love uninterrupted.