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[Guest guest]

Hope,

Hey, thanks! I'm so glad to be able to finally relate to others who have gone

through similar situations throughout their lives. My wedding was also a

nightmare. To this day nada is mad at me for not " honoring " her and step-dad

(putting them more in the spotlight). It would have been easier to elope, but

with BPDs it's always a no-win situation.

I'm very lucky, too to have such a fantastic husband. We've been married 12

years and have 2 kids. He will not apologize for setting boundaries and calling

a spade a spade. I don't want him to, either. She needs to accept

responsibility for her actions (which may never happen.) She will be losing 4

people in her life, not just one when I go NC.

A small ray of hope is that I think my step-dad realized the severity of her

recent violent comments. He thinks that the best way to help nada is if I

personally relay my concerns about nada to her therapist(alone). Is that

ethical?

Thanks for your encouragement. I do feel stronger already by setting boundaries

that are healthy for my family and I. How did you approach nada about going nc?

That's what I'm trying to work through.

Best,

Grace

>

> withbeautyandgrace,

> Welcome! I read your post and almost started crying bc it reminded me of my

own

> story so much. During the planning of our wedding, my mom was in total " Queen "

> borderline mode. Anytime we planned something she didn't approve of---she

would

> threaten not to come and tell us our wedding was " stupid " and she was going to

> be " embarrassed to be there " . As i look back on most of my wedding, she did

> everything she could to ruin it and make it ALL about HER. My husband got fed

up

> with her behavior one day and was very direct with her that if she wasn't

going

> to be supportive that she needed to butt out. Well, that was it---she

completely

> wrote him off and has villanized him ever since. My husband is such a

wonderful

> husband and father but she continues to HATE him no matter what he does (he

even

> apologized several times for things he never did just to make things better).

> Thank God for my husband though---he was the first one that ever pointed out

to

> me how abusive and dysfunctional she was. Maybe thats why she hates

him--because

> he spoke truth to me. I have been NC with my mom for 4 years now. She

resurfaces

> occassionally and i fell for it a few times out of my desperation to have a

> mother that was normal. Unfortunately, it was always just what i call " bait "

to

> start her crazy cycle of abuse again. Going through life not talking to your

mom

> stinks. She has missed out on so many things in my life(i have two kids now

and

> she has only seen my son once) and sometimes i feel bad for her but then i

> remember how much healthier i am now that she is not in the picture. My

> advice--keep your distance and boundaries up! Welcome to the group again!

> Hope:)

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