Re: Thoughts and concerns on Enrique: PLEASE READ!

January 18, 2003

>

> I am wondering if it would indeed be possible for him to take the tests

for

> his GED. I am not saying this in order to stop school or avoid that

> situation. However for some reason I'm feeling as if he needs some sort

of

> reassurance that he is smart and some way to build up him self esteem.

The one thing that Enrique is totally sure of is that he is smart.

That he does not doubt.

He also thinks that Aspies are smarter and superior in general to the

average NT person.

He does not consider anxiety when he thinks about this.

Otherwise he is a total nervous wreck albeit a superior total nervous wreck.

Salli

January 18, 2003

>

> I am wondering if it would indeed be possible for him to take the tests

for

> his GED. I am not saying this in order to stop school or avoid that

> situation. However for some reason I'm feeling as if he needs some sort

of

> reassurance that he is smart and some way to build up him self esteem.

The one thing that Enrique is totally sure of is that he is smart.

That he does not doubt.

He also thinks that Aspies are smarter and superior in general to the

average NT person.

He does not consider anxiety when he thinks about this.

Otherwise he is a total nervous wreck albeit a superior total nervous wreck.

Salli

January 18, 2003

>

> I am wondering if it would indeed be possible for him to take the tests

for

> his GED. I am not saying this in order to stop school or avoid that

> situation. However for some reason I'm feeling as if he needs some sort

of

> reassurance that he is smart and some way to build up him self esteem.

The one thing that Enrique is totally sure of is that he is smart.

That he does not doubt.

He also thinks that Aspies are smarter and superior in general to the

average NT person.

He does not consider anxiety when he thinks about this.

Otherwise he is a total nervous wreck albeit a superior total nervous wreck.

Salli

January 18, 2003

A) Does Dr. Kaye know that Enrique has panic attacks before and after

seeing him? It sounds to me like he may be pushing Enrique to work through

some fears and perhaps he is pushing too hard. Perhaps he thinks his initial

" power of thought " appts. were sufficient and does not realize what great

difficulty Enrique is having now?

Is your information about what's going on in the sessions coming from

Enrique, Dr. Kaye, both? If only from Enrique, perhaps he is focusing hard

on the parts of the sessions that worry him the most, when possibly they are

really only a small part of the sessions? I really don't know, but the way

he over-reacted to the Putter food issue makes me wonder of his anxiety is

magnifying other parts of other sessions as well. It is entirely possible

that it seems to him these are long and agonizing discussions when they

might seem to us to be very short, " Have you thought about _____? " or

possibly even, " So how's school? " kinds of things.

Really, it could go either way - Dr. Kaye pushing too hard or Enrique

magnifying small things - or a combonation - or of course I could be totally

off the mark.

I would make my own appt with Dr. Kaye, perhaps taking Enrique's next

scheduled slot to spare him that anxiety IF it would not make going back

next time worse, and talk about all of this and see what he has to say. If

you and Enrique want him working on the panic attacks that is what he should

be doing, not causing him to have more of them. It would be well if Enrique

could bring these things up himself, but I do not think that it sounds like

Enrique could do that right now. Baby steps.

If you decide to continue with him, I might ask him about audio- or

video-taping the sessions so that you can watch them and help Enrique to

interpret the situations. Enrique might be surprised by what you can point

out to him and it could be a very good lesson in social skills and

people-reading for him. It seems like you and Enrique are close enough that

Enrique would not have a problem with you knowing what he is saying in his

sessions. But he is a teenager so I may be wrong.

Those are my thoughts. I wish you the best of luck with this. It must be a

very hard thing.

-Sara.

January 18, 2003

> I explained to Dr. Kaye that Putter had autism and a very limited diet and we

were working on it, but, honestly, it was clear to me that Dr. Kaye was not

particularly interested in the subject. <

ok, this got me. if this dr does not care about putter's autism, how could he

possibly care about enrique's?

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

January 18, 2003

> I explained to Dr. Kaye that Putter had autism and a very limited diet and we

were working on it, but, honestly, it was clear to me that Dr. Kaye was not

particularly interested in the subject. <

ok, this got me. if this dr does not care about putter's autism, how could he

possibly care about enrique's?

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

January 18, 2003

> I explained to Dr. Kaye that Putter had autism and a very limited diet and we

were working on it, but, honestly, it was clear to me that Dr. Kaye was not

particularly interested in the subject. <

ok, this got me. if this dr does not care about putter's autism, how could he

possibly care about enrique's?

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

January 18, 2003

> No, that isn't what I meant, Dr. Kaye was not particularly interested in

discussing Putter, autistic or otherwise, except possibly how Putter affected

Enrique.

Sorry, that was unclear.

Salli <

ok, sorry i misunderstood

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

January 18, 2003

> No, that isn't what I meant, Dr. Kaye was not particularly interested in

discussing Putter, autistic or otherwise, except possibly how Putter affected

Enrique.

Sorry, that was unclear.

Salli <

ok, sorry i misunderstood

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

January 18, 2003

> Perhaps with a female therapist he'd feel less intimidated? <

that's an excellent idea, sissi!

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

January 18, 2003

> Perhaps with a female therapist he'd feel less intimidated? <

that's an excellent idea, sissi!

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

January 18, 2003

> Perhaps with a female therapist he'd feel less intimidated? <

that's an excellent idea, sissi!

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

January 18, 2003

> I would make my own appt with Dr. Kaye, perhaps taking Enrique's next

scheduled slot to spare him that anxiety IF it would not make going back next

time worse, and talk about all of this and see what he has to say.

I might ask him about audio- or video-taping the sessions so that you can watch

them and help Enrique to interpret the situations. <

great ideas, sara!!!

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

January 18, 2003

> I would make my own appt with Dr. Kaye, perhaps taking Enrique's next

scheduled slot to spare him that anxiety IF it would not make going back next

time worse, and talk about all of this and see what he has to say.

I might ask him about audio- or video-taping the sessions so that you can watch

them and help Enrique to interpret the situations. <

great ideas, sara!!!

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

January 18, 2003

> I would make my own appt with Dr. Kaye, perhaps taking Enrique's next

scheduled slot to spare him that anxiety IF it would not make going back next

time worse, and talk about all of this and see what he has to say.

I might ask him about audio- or video-taping the sessions so that you can watch

them and help Enrique to interpret the situations. <

great ideas, sara!!!

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

January 18, 2003

> I won't say I disagree with Dr Kaye's statement that Enrique is

> manipulating

> situations -- ...the kid doesn't REALIZE

> he's manipulating

Oh yes, I was going to address that as well. Salli, I would go back to the

Catholic mortal sin teaching here. Handy thing, that. (Salli and I are

both Catholics for those who may not know.)

If he is doing it on purpose, if it is pre-meditated, if he has control of

his actions, then he is being manipulative and that is wrong. Much of

manipulation lies in intent.

Panic attacks clearly are NOT situations in which he is in control of his

actions. This is a PHYSICAL disorder.

Also I do not think Enrique has thought out, " If I act this way, then I will

not have to ______. " If Enrique is, from a developmental standpoint, not

able to understand punishment, then how can he understand manipulation and

conciously use it as a tool to get what he wants? He is no more culpable

than my is for his tantrums. That is not manipulation. That is a

pure emotional and physical response to a situation he is unable to cope

with. The same as an infant crying in hunger. The same as you or I

flinching away from an object flying at our faces.

Enrique is *worried* about being manipulative and I think that is the

clearest proof of all that he is not.

He is welcome to read this if you think it would be helpful.

-Sara.

January 18, 2003

> I won't say I disagree with Dr Kaye's statement that Enrique is

> manipulating

> situations -- ...the kid doesn't REALIZE

> he's manipulating

Oh yes, I was going to address that as well. Salli, I would go back to the

Catholic mortal sin teaching here. Handy thing, that. (Salli and I are

both Catholics for those who may not know.)

If he is doing it on purpose, if it is pre-meditated, if he has control of

his actions, then he is being manipulative and that is wrong. Much of

manipulation lies in intent.

Panic attacks clearly are NOT situations in which he is in control of his

actions. This is a PHYSICAL disorder.

Also I do not think Enrique has thought out, " If I act this way, then I will

not have to ______. " If Enrique is, from a developmental standpoint, not

able to understand punishment, then how can he understand manipulation and

conciously use it as a tool to get what he wants? He is no more culpable

than my is for his tantrums. That is not manipulation. That is a

pure emotional and physical response to a situation he is unable to cope

with. The same as an infant crying in hunger. The same as you or I

flinching away from an object flying at our faces.

Enrique is *worried* about being manipulative and I think that is the

clearest proof of all that he is not.

He is welcome to read this if you think it would be helpful.

-Sara.

January 18, 2003

I think that perhaps Enrique would benefit from a different

therapist. It does indeed seem that he is not making progress with

Dr. Kaye any longer. I wish I knew what to tell you, but it is such

a slow process. We are still working on meds and therapy here with

Gail, who seems to be unraveling on us again also, although she does

not have the rage problems. That is Chris's domain. If it were my

child I would be searching for a different therapist/psych and still

working on the medications for the anxiety. Gail takes Remeron and

this is the first medication that has reduced her overal anxiety

level, although we are supplementing it with lorazepam prn right

now. It really is all so very frustrating.

January 18, 2003