Re: Thoughts and concerns on Enrique: PLEASE READ!

[Guest guest]

> Well, he does pretty well with Putter's Dr. Warner. Dr. Kaye is with the

> school system and he is free which was great.

Yuck. Does Enrique qualify for Medicaid?

Sissi

[Guest guest]

> Well, he does pretty well with Putter's Dr. Warner. Dr. Kaye is with the

> school system and he is free which was great.

Yuck. Does Enrique qualify for Medicaid?

Sissi

[Guest guest]

> Well, he does pretty well with Putter's Dr. Warner. Dr. Kaye is with the

> school system and he is free which was great.

Yuck. Does Enrique qualify for Medicaid?

Sissi

[Guest guest]

> It sounds to me like he may be pushing Enrique to work through

> > some fears and perhaps he is pushing too hard. Perhaps he thinks his

> initial

> > " power of thought " appts. were sufficient and does not realize

> what great

> > difficulty Enrique is having now?

>

> Maybe. Silly man.

Some might think that a child Enrique's age would be able to tell Dr. Kaye

about the anxiety the visits are causing him, and direct the sessions toward

dealing with the problems that bother him the most...Of course WE know

better, but then, we are only parents.

I am glad you understood what I was saying about the possibility of his

anxiety making the school parts of the sessions larger than they really are.

I worried, after I had sent it, that it might have sounded...belittling.

> This is totally brilliant. I do not have a video camera though.

> That would

> be optimal, I think.

=) Thank you.

I bet the school has one Dr. Kaye could use. You'd probably have to provide

the tapes.

> Thanks, Sara!

You are so welcome! I just hope you get some good ideas. You deserve a

break!!

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

> It sounds to me like he may be pushing Enrique to work through

> > some fears and perhaps he is pushing too hard. Perhaps he thinks his

> initial

> > " power of thought " appts. were sufficient and does not realize

> what great

> > difficulty Enrique is having now?

>

> Maybe. Silly man.

Some might think that a child Enrique's age would be able to tell Dr. Kaye

about the anxiety the visits are causing him, and direct the sessions toward

dealing with the problems that bother him the most...Of course WE know

better, but then, we are only parents.

I am glad you understood what I was saying about the possibility of his

anxiety making the school parts of the sessions larger than they really are.

I worried, after I had sent it, that it might have sounded...belittling.

> This is totally brilliant. I do not have a video camera though.

> That would

> be optimal, I think.

=) Thank you.

I bet the school has one Dr. Kaye could use. You'd probably have to provide

the tapes.

> Thanks, Sara!

You are so welcome! I just hope you get some good ideas. You deserve a

break!!

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

> It sounds to me like he may be pushing Enrique to work through

> > some fears and perhaps he is pushing too hard. Perhaps he thinks his

> initial

> > " power of thought " appts. were sufficient and does not realize

> what great

> > difficulty Enrique is having now?

>

> Maybe. Silly man.

Some might think that a child Enrique's age would be able to tell Dr. Kaye

about the anxiety the visits are causing him, and direct the sessions toward

dealing with the problems that bother him the most...Of course WE know

better, but then, we are only parents.

I am glad you understood what I was saying about the possibility of his

anxiety making the school parts of the sessions larger than they really are.

I worried, after I had sent it, that it might have sounded...belittling.

> This is totally brilliant. I do not have a video camera though.

> That would

> be optimal, I think.

=) Thank you.

I bet the school has one Dr. Kaye could use. You'd probably have to provide

the tapes.

> Thanks, Sara!

You are so welcome! I just hope you get some good ideas. You deserve a

break!!

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/18/03 10:32:56 AM Eastern Standard Time,

bunnytiner@... writes:

> Thoughts?

>

> Salli

I am wondering if it would indeed be possible for him to take the tests for

his GED. I am not saying this in order to stop school or avoid that

situation. However for some reason I'm feeling as if he needs some sort of

reassurance that he is smart and some way to build up him self esteem.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/18/03 10:32:56 AM Eastern Standard Time,

bunnytiner@... writes:

> Thoughts?

>

> Salli

I am wondering if it would indeed be possible for him to take the tests for

his GED. I am not saying this in order to stop school or avoid that

situation. However for some reason I'm feeling as if he needs some sort of

reassurance that he is smart and some way to build up him self esteem.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/18/03 10:32:56 AM Eastern Standard Time,

bunnytiner@... writes:

> Thoughts?

>

> Salli

I am wondering if it would indeed be possible for him to take the tests for

his GED. I am not saying this in order to stop school or avoid that

situation. However for some reason I'm feeling as if he needs some sort of

reassurance that he is smart and some way to build up him self esteem.

[Guest guest]

> > Enrique is *worried* about being manipulative and I think that is the

> > clearest proof of all that he is not.

> >

> He is frightened of being manipulative, yes. He has told me that and he

> said Dr. Kaye's statement was like being confronted with his worst fears.

>

> > He is welcome to read this if you think it would be helpful.

My thinking was that if Enrique can understand that he is not being

intentionally manipulative, then his anxiety about that would be decreased.

It seems to me that if he is heading into a panic attack, and starts

worrying that he's manipulating, that would only make the situation worse.

Which might possibly be why he has so much difficulty telling you what is

wrong? Because then he is manipulating you into changing/fixing it for him?

But if you figure it out on your own then that is " okay " ?

Has anyone taught Enrique about ways of calming himself out of a panic

attack? Relaxation techniques etc? I used to have a lot of trouble with

flashbacks and there were some tricks I learned to help bring myself out of

them. I could write something up about that if you wanted.

> Ha, ha, he is calm right now so I think I'll pass..

Aw, geez, it's that bad huh?

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

> > Enrique is *worried* about being manipulative and I think that is the

> > clearest proof of all that he is not.

> >

> He is frightened of being manipulative, yes. He has told me that and he

> said Dr. Kaye's statement was like being confronted with his worst fears.

>

> > He is welcome to read this if you think it would be helpful.

My thinking was that if Enrique can understand that he is not being

intentionally manipulative, then his anxiety about that would be decreased.

It seems to me that if he is heading into a panic attack, and starts

worrying that he's manipulating, that would only make the situation worse.

Which might possibly be why he has so much difficulty telling you what is

wrong? Because then he is manipulating you into changing/fixing it for him?

But if you figure it out on your own then that is " okay " ?

Has anyone taught Enrique about ways of calming himself out of a panic

attack? Relaxation techniques etc? I used to have a lot of trouble with

flashbacks and there were some tricks I learned to help bring myself out of

them. I could write something up about that if you wanted.

> Ha, ha, he is calm right now so I think I'll pass..

Aw, geez, it's that bad huh?

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

> > Enrique is *worried* about being manipulative and I think that is the

> > clearest proof of all that he is not.

> >

> He is frightened of being manipulative, yes. He has told me that and he

> said Dr. Kaye's statement was like being confronted with his worst fears.

>

> > He is welcome to read this if you think it would be helpful.

My thinking was that if Enrique can understand that he is not being

intentionally manipulative, then his anxiety about that would be decreased.

It seems to me that if he is heading into a panic attack, and starts

worrying that he's manipulating, that would only make the situation worse.

Which might possibly be why he has so much difficulty telling you what is

wrong? Because then he is manipulating you into changing/fixing it for him?

But if you figure it out on your own then that is " okay " ?

Has anyone taught Enrique about ways of calming himself out of a panic

attack? Relaxation techniques etc? I used to have a lot of trouble with

flashbacks and there were some tricks I learned to help bring myself out of

them. I could write something up about that if you wanted.

> Ha, ha, he is calm right now so I think I'll pass..

Aw, geez, it's that bad huh?

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

About the showering and the OCD and the panic attacks, is the

expert. She suffers from this type of thing herself. Personally, my

answer is to medicate medicate medicate. Sissi, if you would just

medicate Boone then you would have no more problems. Same with

Putter and Enrique, and same with..........LOL, don't take me

seriously, I'm just kidding. Kris

> --- In parenting_autism , " bunnytiner "

<bunnytiner@c...> w

> > >

> > He is frightened of being manipulative, yes. He has told me that

and he

> > said Dr. Kaye's statement was like being confronted with his worst

> fears.

> >

>

>

> Do you have any idea why the idea of him being manipulative

frightens

> him so much? Do you think it is how he views his father and he is

> trying not to be like his father? Does Dr. Kaye know this about

> Enrique? Do you think Dr. Kaye said this on purpose? (about being

> manipulative)

>

> I really am so far out of my element on this but my instinct tells

me

> that it would be a good thing to hear (if I were Enrique for

instance)

> that " this is a beatable situation " that he can one day overcome

these

> panic attacks and severe anxiety, it's just a matter of finding the

> right key for the lock so to speak. Whether it's therapy, a better

> therapist, medication, growing older, or something we haven't heard

of

> yet. And you (his mother) are committed to helping him find his way

> through this even if it takes a while. I only say this because

> sometimes a problem can loom unbeatable, especially in a teenager's

> eyes and maybe if he has some hope of feeling better in the future

and

> that all is not hopeless, he would be willing to keep working on it.

> ??? Like you said earlier " premie baby steps " , but it's still

> progress. (again, I don't know Enrique well enough, but I'm just

> throwing this out there) I think I would ask Dr. Kaye to stop

talking

> to Enrique about his plans for the future. I can remember how much

> anxiety that caused me when I was 15 or 16 and had no idea what I

> wanted to be and didn't want to move out of my parents house or go

off

> to college at that point.

>

> I have a SIL who has been seeking help for panic attacks and severe

> anxiety for about 5 or 6 years now. She's done therapy, medications

> and is now going to a Naturopathic doctor. She is having success

> there and sounded amazingly good on the phone the other day. I hope

> it works for her. Hers stems from deep childhood issues about

> insecurity (her parents were very neglectful) coupled with post-

partum

> depression. She does not have to deal with AS on top of it though.

>

> Keep on keepin' on Salli. Your instincts are really good and if you

> just re-read your own posts, you can see a lot of your own answers

> written " between the lines " I think.

>

> ~ Karin

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry Salli, I really am. I'm really worried about this Dr who

is working with Enrique. I don't understand the background, so I

don't understand why he's worried about manipulating. Sometimes it

is good to be direct with kids, to get them to face their fears, but

it has to be done theraputically, you know? I think this DR may be

trying to do a good thing, but is going about it wrong. Does that

make sense?

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry Salli, I really am. I'm really worried about this Dr who

is working with Enrique. I don't understand the background, so I

don't understand why he's worried about manipulating. Sometimes it

is good to be direct with kids, to get them to face their fears, but

it has to be done theraputically, you know? I think this DR may be

trying to do a good thing, but is going about it wrong. Does that

make sense?

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry Salli, I really am. I'm really worried about this Dr who

is working with Enrique. I don't understand the background, so I

don't understand why he's worried about manipulating. Sometimes it

is good to be direct with kids, to get them to face their fears, but

it has to be done theraputically, you know? I think this DR may be

trying to do a good thing, but is going about it wrong. Does that

make sense?

[Guest guest]

Sissi, clonidine is awesome stuff. is on it too, because he

would never slow down or sleep. Now, he's a much happier child. I

was just kidding though, really....sigh, I wish there were a medicine

to cure Autism.

> Sissi, if you would just

> > medicate Boone then you would have no more problems.

>

>

> Actually Boone is on Clonidine for anxiety, stress and sleep

problems. I

> resisted as long as possible but I finally had to something. He was

> miserable and so was everybody else.

>

> We still have problems. But at least he's not a total wreck.

>

> Sissi

[Guest guest]

Sissi, clonidine is awesome stuff. is on it too, because he

would never slow down or sleep. Now, he's a much happier child. I

was just kidding though, really....sigh, I wish there were a medicine

to cure Autism.

> Sissi, if you would just

> > medicate Boone then you would have no more problems.

>

>

> Actually Boone is on Clonidine for anxiety, stress and sleep

problems. I

> resisted as long as possible but I finally had to something. He was

> miserable and so was everybody else.

>

> We still have problems. But at least he's not a total wreck.

>

> Sissi

[Guest guest]

I'm thinking on this one........

> In a message dated 1/18/03 10:32:56 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> bunnytiner@c... writes:

>

> > Thoughts?

> >

> > Salli

>

> I am wondering if it would indeed be possible for him to take the

tests for

> his GED. I am not saying this in order to stop school or avoid

that

> situation. However for some reason I'm feeling as if he needs some

sort of

> reassurance that he is smart and some way to build up him self

esteem.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm thinking on this one........

> In a message dated 1/18/03 10:32:56 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> bunnytiner@c... writes:

>

> > Thoughts?

> >

> > Salli

>

> I am wondering if it would indeed be possible for him to take the

tests for

> his GED. I am not saying this in order to stop school or avoid

that

> situation. However for some reason I'm feeling as if he needs some

sort of

> reassurance that he is smart and some way to build up him self

esteem.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm thinking on this one........

> In a message dated 1/18/03 10:32:56 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> bunnytiner@c... writes:

>

> > Thoughts?

> >

> > Salli

>

> I am wondering if it would indeed be possible for him to take the

tests for

> his GED. I am not saying this in order to stop school or avoid

that

> situation. However for some reason I'm feeling as if he needs some

sort of

> reassurance that he is smart and some way to build up him self

esteem.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Salli, tell me again, how old is Enrique?

> >

> > I am wondering if it would indeed be possible for him to take the

tests

> for

> > his GED. I am not saying this in order to stop school or avoid

that

> > situation. However for some reason I'm feeling as if he needs

some sort

> of

> > reassurance that he is smart and some way to build up him self

esteem.

>

>

> The one thing that Enrique is totally sure of is that he is smart.

>

> That he does not doubt.

>

> He also thinks that Aspies are smarter and superior in general to

the

> average NT person.

>

> He does not consider anxiety when he thinks about this.

>

> Otherwise he is a total nervous wreck albeit a superior total

nervous wreck.

>

> Salli

[Guest guest]

Salli, tell me again, how old is Enrique?

> >

> > I am wondering if it would indeed be possible for him to take the

tests

> for

> > his GED. I am not saying this in order to stop school or avoid

that

> > situation. However for some reason I'm feeling as if he needs

some sort

> of

> > reassurance that he is smart and some way to build up him self

esteem.

>

>

> The one thing that Enrique is totally sure of is that he is smart.

>

> That he does not doubt.

>

> He also thinks that Aspies are smarter and superior in general to

the

> average NT person.

>

> He does not consider anxiety when he thinks about this.

>

> Otherwise he is a total nervous wreck albeit a superior total

nervous wreck.

>

> Salli

[Guest guest]

Salli, tell me again, how old is Enrique?

> >

> > I am wondering if it would indeed be possible for him to take the

tests

> for

> > his GED. I am not saying this in order to stop school or avoid

that

> > situation. However for some reason I'm feeling as if he needs

some sort

> of

> > reassurance that he is smart and some way to build up him self

esteem.

>

>

> The one thing that Enrique is totally sure of is that he is smart.

>

> That he does not doubt.

>

> He also thinks that Aspies are smarter and superior in general to

the

> average NT person.

>

> He does not consider anxiety when he thinks about this.

>

> Otherwise he is a total nervous wreck albeit a superior total

nervous wreck.

>

> Salli

[Guest guest]

> So I feel that if Enrique could so desperately misread a situation (even a

desperate misreading for an AS kid) that perhaps he and Dr. Kaye are really

just not right for each other?

>

Sounds like it. :-(

I won't say I disagree with Dr Kaye's statement that Enrique is manipulating

situations -- but shouldn't a therapist know that the kid doesn't REALIZE

he's manipulating, and that telling him he is, just straight out and blunt

like that, will only alienate him??? I mean, shit, *I* know that! (and I'm

blunt to a fault!)

Damn. I hate it when a good thing falls through.

Jacquie