Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 cAnd this is one of the reasons Fada has moved in and is living the life of Riley being waited on hand and foot by the CNA's that me and hubby pay for. If I had left him NC or LC he would have died of neglect. I can see the headlines now, Prominent ______town Surgeon and Wife Convicted of Manslaughter in Elder Neglect Case. I use to work in a V.A. hospital and a lot of the stroke patients had been alcoholics, addicts etc and when they stroked out and went to the ward their kids never came to see them. I was 21 and had blocked out alot of my childhood, plus Fada grew increasingly meaner once I was an adult, only now do I understand why children disown their parents. Kay > > Did anyone else see on the news that seniors in China whose adult children > do not take care of them are winning lawsuits for neglect? ? Whoa!!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 That is scary! And surprising too - I thought since China is communist they would have government support for the elderly? And don't they have a one child per couple law - that one child is screwed. I struggle all the time with the question of whether my mother's problems with self-care are because she truly can't do certain things are because she *won't*. I think she's figured out that living in a way that causes concern to those around her gets her attention and focus. And yet at the same time I can see that she has some real problems in practical functioning - like last time I saw her she saw no urgency in making sure that newly bought eggs were put in the refrigerator quickly. If this went far enough it could lead to food poisoning. So then am I liable because I know she has this tendency? I of course told her not to do that, but she won't listen to me and the only way to stop her from her risky food safety practices would be for her to live in a place where she is completely not in charge of how food is stored. Again...does that fall to me? China would say yes I guess. In the meantime my mother seems to basically manage without killing herself so I'm hoping for the best. > > Did anyone else see on the news that seniors in China whose adult children > do not take care of them are winning lawsuits for neglect? ? Whoa!!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 That is scary! And surprising too - I thought since China is communist they would have government support for the elderly? And don't they have a one child per couple law - that one child is screwed. I struggle all the time with the question of whether my mother's problems with self-care are because she truly can't do certain things are because she *won't*. I think she's figured out that living in a way that causes concern to those around her gets her attention and focus. And yet at the same time I can see that she has some real problems in practical functioning - like last time I saw her she saw no urgency in making sure that newly bought eggs were put in the refrigerator quickly. If this went far enough it could lead to food poisoning. So then am I liable because I know she has this tendency? I of course told her not to do that, but she won't listen to me and the only way to stop her from her risky food safety practices would be for her to live in a place where she is completely not in charge of how food is stored. Again...does that fall to me? China would say yes I guess. In the meantime my mother seems to basically manage without killing herself so I'm hoping for the best. > > Did anyone else see on the news that seniors in China whose adult children > do not take care of them are winning lawsuits for neglect? ? Whoa!!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 That is scary! And surprising too - I thought since China is communist they would have government support for the elderly? And don't they have a one child per couple law - that one child is screwed. I struggle all the time with the question of whether my mother's problems with self-care are because she truly can't do certain things are because she *won't*. I think she's figured out that living in a way that causes concern to those around her gets her attention and focus. And yet at the same time I can see that she has some real problems in practical functioning - like last time I saw her she saw no urgency in making sure that newly bought eggs were put in the refrigerator quickly. If this went far enough it could lead to food poisoning. So then am I liable because I know she has this tendency? I of course told her not to do that, but she won't listen to me and the only way to stop her from her risky food safety practices would be for her to live in a place where she is completely not in charge of how food is stored. Again...does that fall to me? China would say yes I guess. In the meantime my mother seems to basically manage without killing herself so I'm hoping for the best. > > Did anyone else see on the news that seniors in China whose adult children > do not take care of them are winning lawsuits for neglect? ? Whoa!!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Wow that would really suck to have a BPD parent there! Communist is NOT socialist, btw. Casey > > > > Did anyone else see on the news that seniors in China whose adult children > > do not take care of them are winning lawsuits for neglect? ? Whoa!!! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 I can relate to this. About 12 years ago I took a leave of absence from work to go live with nada for a couple of months to nurse her RE some major surgery she needed. We'd recently lost dad and nada had never needed surgery before and was terrified and I was being The Golden One. By the time it was over I believe I was clinically depressed. It was like a waking nightmare, like a time machine back to being 8 years old and getting criticized constantly for not doing everything exactly the way she wanted it done, exactly when she wanted it, 24/7. Even though Sister came over on the weekends to give me a break, nada being a combo Queen-Witch-Waif throughout those weeks took a heavy toll; it took a long time to get my " self " back after that experience. So, I can help contribute financially to my nada's care-giving needs but I will not physically do it again, myself. Screw China. -Annie > > Very interesting post about China. > > I have always questioned how I will be able to stomach caring for my Nada, especially since she leveled severe abuse against my older brother and I. > > I had also heard or read something in a psych class about a study done that showed that adult children cared for their elderly parents in direct correlation to how they were cared for/treated as children. So abusive parents were more likely to be abused and non-abusive weren't. I think I heard that about 13 years ago. I didn't really have a chance to take a close look at the study though. > > Every since then I have tested myself with small tasks like taking her to work. She was always late, therefore making me late. I had a short temper and I was always angry at her for something. I had to learn to stomach her in those close quarters. As a young adult, if I didn't want to take her somewhere, she's cuss me out the whole way and make me take her. ) > > I just know it may not be positive for me to care for my mom. I hope I can place her somewhere and make sure she's cared for. I would not be effective. > > So sue me! :-D > > Latasha > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 I can relate to this. About 12 years ago I took a leave of absence from work to go live with nada for a couple of months to nurse her RE some major surgery she needed. We'd recently lost dad and nada had never needed surgery before and was terrified and I was being The Golden One. By the time it was over I believe I was clinically depressed. It was like a waking nightmare, like a time machine back to being 8 years old and getting criticized constantly for not doing everything exactly the way she wanted it done, exactly when she wanted it, 24/7. Even though Sister came over on the weekends to give me a break, nada being a combo Queen-Witch-Waif throughout those weeks took a heavy toll; it took a long time to get my " self " back after that experience. So, I can help contribute financially to my nada's care-giving needs but I will not physically do it again, myself. Screw China. -Annie > > Very interesting post about China. > > I have always questioned how I will be able to stomach caring for my Nada, especially since she leveled severe abuse against my older brother and I. > > I had also heard or read something in a psych class about a study done that showed that adult children cared for their elderly parents in direct correlation to how they were cared for/treated as children. So abusive parents were more likely to be abused and non-abusive weren't. I think I heard that about 13 years ago. I didn't really have a chance to take a close look at the study though. > > Every since then I have tested myself with small tasks like taking her to work. She was always late, therefore making me late. I had a short temper and I was always angry at her for something. I had to learn to stomach her in those close quarters. As a young adult, if I didn't want to take her somewhere, she's cuss me out the whole way and make me take her. ) > > I just know it may not be positive for me to care for my mom. I hope I can place her somewhere and make sure she's cared for. I would not be effective. > > So sue me! :-D > > Latasha > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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