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chess with BPD

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I just wanted to give an update of my current relationship with my BP mother.

We had a fight over Christmas where she was a nightmare and I stormed out. We

really haven't spoken since as she's " punishing me " with a lack of contact.

I've reached out twice in small ways (forwarding cute emails that I know she'd

like) and a week after the fight I called her to say, " when you're ready to move

forward and talk, I'm here, give me a call " she said, " ,

In your phone call to me last week, you said, " IF you are ready to move on, you

can call me " .

I found the statement passive aggressive and after much thought, I think, in

fact you were asking me not to " Communicate " with you. Because of that

statement/request, I will respect your wishes to distance yourself from me. But,

I pose this question to you; are YOU moving on or are you avoiding? No need to

respond, just something for you think about. The cutesie dog e-mails and phone

calls about recipes are all just superficial, meaningless communication and not

necessary.

Mom "

Then,she sent me a funny forward email a few days ago and I replied " thanks, how

are things? " and she replied " Good, I didn't mean to send that to you, my

computer is on the fritz when I forward emails " so that was nice...

It's kind of weird, it's sad but I'm like I don't want to make the " wrong " move

and contact her. Honesty, I feel like I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I

don't. If I don't contact her, I " m an ass for " cutting her off " even though she

cut me off, but I'm an ass for not begging to be back in her life, and if I do

contact her, I'll have to grovel and apologize and that just reinforces her

negative behavior. I can't explain to her that her behavior is incorrect, b/c

she'll never get it, so I am still trying to figure out where to go from here -

but it is a big relief to not constantly be on edge of what is our next call

going to be like - things are bad, but I know they are and I don't have to deal

with her, it's not anticipatory.

When any move or no move is the " wrong move " with her, is there something from

your experience that I could do that might help?

Thanks for any recommendations that you might have that have worked for you.

~

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