Re: Re: Bad start to the day

[Guest guest]

My honey and I have fights like that too - and usually we stumble all over

each other trying to do something for the other and then we bonk heads. Its

silly but I can relate to it getting to you.

I think going back to your T would be wonderful though - seeing mine is the

best $ I ever spent. I haven't done a lot of forgetting/storing away the

past though. I wonder if thats the different. Every memory is right there

with me every where I go every single day. Ugh. Forgetting sounds kinda

nice.

XOXO hope you are feeling better now.

On Sat, Jan 29, 2011 at 3:32 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> The healing process isn't necessarily linear, and that's OK! We can kind of

> meander around, sometimes covering new ground, sometimes retracing old

> ground. I think of needing therapy sometimes as similar to needing a course

> of antibiotics sometimes. Usually my body can fight off an incipient

> infection pretty well, but other times when under several sources of stress

> simultaneously, my body lacks the reserves to fight off another germ on its

> own, and I need a course of antibiotics. There's nothing wrong or shameful

> about needing some extra help from time to time. If you have access to

> therapy, and you're going through a high-stress spell, then, go for it! You

> deserve to have help if and when you need it; none of us are going to accuse

> you in nada's voice that " You're just faking this to get attention! "

> -Annie

>

>

> >

> > I guess I was too hopeful that I could manage my PTSD and my

> auto-response of fight-or-flight to any arguments without going to

> counseling.

> >

> > I haven't been since October, when I got hired at a full time job (answer

> to my prayers!) and told my counselor that once I get settled in at my job

> and get a better idea of the hours, I'd schedule another appointment. Never

> got around to it, and got lazy and it didn't help that the days were so

> short (effin' Seasonal Affective)

> >

> > Anyways, this morning DH and I were planning on going to the art museum,

> since I got him a year membership for valentine's day But through

> miscommunication we got confused as to when the other was awake enough to

> get ready to go. He was waiting for me to get up from the table and the

> computer to get ready, as a cue for him to get ready, and I likewise. So,

> it's such the stupidest thing, but we started arguing about that, because it

> had gotten so late that it was almost lunch time, and I had plans to do

> school in the afternoon, and he felt horribly disappointed, since we had

> been talking about the plans for a few days.

> >

> > Once we started arguing, I felt my emotions totally receed, and I was a

> stone-face and even though my husband was getting emotional. I hate that

> feeling of emotional detachment, because evne though I feel like crying, I

> want to cry, I want to be frustrated, I couldn't. I hurt all over, and felt

> depressed and curled up in bed as a save haven, but DH wanted to talk about

> it more, and felt afraid because I was retreating.

> >

> > I know we have different styles of working through conflict, but I just

> couldn't work with him this morning for some reason. I told him I needed

> time to think things through, evaluate what had happened, and just have

> peace for a little while. Eventually, I was able to break free of the PTSD

> reaction (which is what I was nearly always doing when I lived at home, the

> whole emotional detachment) and cry. Then I felt better, and DH was take a

> breath and realize that it was part of my upbringing, and we moved past it.

> >

> > I still feel really bad about this morning, and I feel a bit on edge

> still even though we've completely forgiven each other and moved on. Kind of

> a depressive feeling, I guess.

> >

> > When I was still curled up in bed, though, DH told me he was going to

> insist on me going back to counseling. Part of me wants to, but part of me

> doesn't really want to hash through and bring up the childhood memories

> again. I don't feel ready to do that.

> >

> > Also, apparently I've been having bad dreams now and then right after

> going to bed. DH is a night owl while I prefer to be in bed by 10:30, so he

> hears me mutter and yell in my sleep, though he can't tell what I'm saying.

> I must still be having bad dreams, even though I don't remember them. I only

> remember the dreams I have just before awaking.

> >

> > But mostly, I scared myself because I hadn't felt like that in a long

> time, getting the fight-or-flight response...and to such a minor argument!

> We've gotten so much better and rarely argue, and if we do, we easily

> resolve it and forgive each other and move on. So why this morning??

> >

> > Also, I'm starting to allow myself to feel anger towards my fada and my

> mom, which is also scary to me, too

> >

> > Thanks for letting me talk it out and vent.

> > Holly

> >

>

>

>