Re: Dealing with bitterness....

[Guest guest]

You are no where near alone in that questioning. I think I've about given up

though. This last year I've cried and been angry and asked why over and over

again. I mean all of my children have problems, all of them. Adeline is more

health related at the moment.

Then to have a belief system that says birth control is wrong and one should be

open to life, is something I'm pondering at the moment. I question this belief

all the time. It's a hard one to deal with at the moment knowing that if I ever

get pregnant again the chances of me being sick is so high and that the child

will have a problem is even higher.

Ughh I'm angry and upset by it all . Know that you are not alone

Dealing with bitterness....

Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

ASD)

[Guest guest]

You are no where near alone in that questioning. I think I've about given up

though. This last year I've cried and been angry and asked why over and over

again. I mean all of my children have problems, all of them. Adeline is more

health related at the moment.

Then to have a belief system that says birth control is wrong and one should be

open to life, is something I'm pondering at the moment. I question this belief

all the time. It's a hard one to deal with at the moment knowing that if I ever

get pregnant again the chances of me being sick is so high and that the child

will have a problem is even higher.

Ughh I'm angry and upset by it all . Know that you are not alone

Dealing with bitterness....

Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

ASD)

[Guest guest]

You are no where near alone in that questioning. I think I've about given up

though. This last year I've cried and been angry and asked why over and over

again. I mean all of my children have problems, all of them. Adeline is more

health related at the moment.

Then to have a belief system that says birth control is wrong and one should be

open to life, is something I'm pondering at the moment. I question this belief

all the time. It's a hard one to deal with at the moment knowing that if I ever

get pregnant again the chances of me being sick is so high and that the child

will have a problem is even higher.

Ughh I'm angry and upset by it all . Know that you are not alone

Dealing with bitterness....

Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

ASD)

[Guest guest]

hugs to you.............

i feel for us.......

> You are no where near alone in that questioning. I think I've about

given up though. This last year I've cried and been angry and asked

why over and over again. I mean all of my children have problems, all

of them. Adeline is more health related at the moment.

> Then to have a belief system that says birth control is wrong and

one should be open to life, is something I'm pondering at the moment.

I question this belief all the time. It's a hard one to deal with at

the moment knowing that if I ever get pregnant again the chances of

me being sick is so high and that the child will have a problem is

even higher.

>

> Ughh I'm angry and upset by it all . Know that you are not alone

>

>

> Dealing with bitterness....

>

>

> Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

> situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God

knew

> my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our

ages

> and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he

give

> my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

> autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special

children

> to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

> normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

> ASD)

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

hugs to you.............

i feel for us.......

> You are no where near alone in that questioning. I think I've about

given up though. This last year I've cried and been angry and asked

why over and over again. I mean all of my children have problems, all

of them. Adeline is more health related at the moment.

> Then to have a belief system that says birth control is wrong and

one should be open to life, is something I'm pondering at the moment.

I question this belief all the time. It's a hard one to deal with at

the moment knowing that if I ever get pregnant again the chances of

me being sick is so high and that the child will have a problem is

even higher.

>

> Ughh I'm angry and upset by it all . Know that you are not alone

>

>

> Dealing with bitterness....

>

>

> Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

> situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God

knew

> my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our

ages

> and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he

give

> my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

> autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special

children

> to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

> normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

> ASD)

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

hugs to you.............

i feel for us.......

> You are no where near alone in that questioning. I think I've about

given up though. This last year I've cried and been angry and asked

why over and over again. I mean all of my children have problems, all

of them. Adeline is more health related at the moment.

> Then to have a belief system that says birth control is wrong and

one should be open to life, is something I'm pondering at the moment.

I question this belief all the time. It's a hard one to deal with at

the moment knowing that if I ever get pregnant again the chances of

me being sick is so high and that the child will have a problem is

even higher.

>

> Ughh I'm angry and upset by it all . Know that you are not alone

>

>

> Dealing with bitterness....

>

>

> Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

> situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God

knew

> my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our

ages

> and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he

give

> my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

> autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special

children

> to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

> normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

> ASD)

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello. I am fairly new to this group. However, I cannot count how many times I

have felt the same way. (for different reason, but same) On a daily basis we

contend with so many other challenges than parents with NT children. I am a

parent of 5 year old twins. My son is an NT but my daughter was recently

diagnosed ASD. I still mourn the future I had in mind for her. The twins were

born 4 months early and we spent 4 months in the NICU in Atlanta, GA. I thought

we had done our time and experienced our share of sorrow. I was wrong. These

days I try to see the silver lining. This is not typically successful, but I

have to keep trying. What can I offer her if I give up on her? I am all too

familiar with the expression about God and what you can handle. I have to admit

I have questioned that often. Does he really think I am strong enough to handle

single parenting (am divorced with MIA ex) with twins? Much less one with ASD?

Apparently he thinks I can. Some days I know he's right and others......?

These ups and downs will remain constant, how you choose to react will be the

challenge. I know it's mine. We are only human and want always what is best

for our children. I have no idea what the future holds for Kylin. I have to

get to that place where I choose to see only greatness for her. For who knows

what her potentiality truly is? Only time will tell. If it is not what had I

wanted most for her, than it will have to be what she was most destined to be.

I still cry and I still go into a room and just scream to let off steam. I am

not always filled with patience and kind words. I do not always react

appropriately to her behaviors and " mischief " . I do the best I can in the

moment and continue to educate myself on how to do better next time. I am

loving this group and will rely on its resources and draw from its collective

experience. I am also considering talking to a psychologist for myself. One

who has experience in helping parents cope with special needs kids. It's

something I can do for myself that will only benefit how I parent both of my

children. I know they are miracles. To have survived such a horrendous

experience of prematurity and come out of it as well as they have gives me

living proof of God's love and kindness. Kylin's autism isn't going away. I

have to learn to live and love with that. I don't know if any of this is

helpful, but hang in there. Celebrate the small stuff. That can sometimes be

the most miraculous.

Dealing with bitterness....

Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

ASD)

[Guest guest]

Hello. I am fairly new to this group. However, I cannot count how many times I

have felt the same way. (for different reason, but same) On a daily basis we

contend with so many other challenges than parents with NT children. I am a

parent of 5 year old twins. My son is an NT but my daughter was recently

diagnosed ASD. I still mourn the future I had in mind for her. The twins were

born 4 months early and we spent 4 months in the NICU in Atlanta, GA. I thought

we had done our time and experienced our share of sorrow. I was wrong. These

days I try to see the silver lining. This is not typically successful, but I

have to keep trying. What can I offer her if I give up on her? I am all too

familiar with the expression about God and what you can handle. I have to admit

I have questioned that often. Does he really think I am strong enough to handle

single parenting (am divorced with MIA ex) with twins? Much less one with ASD?

Apparently he thinks I can. Some days I know he's right and others......?

These ups and downs will remain constant, how you choose to react will be the

challenge. I know it's mine. We are only human and want always what is best

for our children. I have no idea what the future holds for Kylin. I have to

get to that place where I choose to see only greatness for her. For who knows

what her potentiality truly is? Only time will tell. If it is not what had I

wanted most for her, than it will have to be what she was most destined to be.

I still cry and I still go into a room and just scream to let off steam. I am

not always filled with patience and kind words. I do not always react

appropriately to her behaviors and " mischief " . I do the best I can in the

moment and continue to educate myself on how to do better next time. I am

loving this group and will rely on its resources and draw from its collective

experience. I am also considering talking to a psychologist for myself. One

who has experience in helping parents cope with special needs kids. It's

something I can do for myself that will only benefit how I parent both of my

children. I know they are miracles. To have survived such a horrendous

experience of prematurity and come out of it as well as they have gives me

living proof of God's love and kindness. Kylin's autism isn't going away. I

have to learn to live and love with that. I don't know if any of this is

helpful, but hang in there. Celebrate the small stuff. That can sometimes be

the most miraculous.

Dealing with bitterness....

Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

ASD)

[Guest guest]

Hello. I am fairly new to this group. However, I cannot count how many times I

have felt the same way. (for different reason, but same) On a daily basis we

contend with so many other challenges than parents with NT children. I am a

parent of 5 year old twins. My son is an NT but my daughter was recently

diagnosed ASD. I still mourn the future I had in mind for her. The twins were

born 4 months early and we spent 4 months in the NICU in Atlanta, GA. I thought

we had done our time and experienced our share of sorrow. I was wrong. These

days I try to see the silver lining. This is not typically successful, but I

have to keep trying. What can I offer her if I give up on her? I am all too

familiar with the expression about God and what you can handle. I have to admit

I have questioned that often. Does he really think I am strong enough to handle

single parenting (am divorced with MIA ex) with twins? Much less one with ASD?

Apparently he thinks I can. Some days I know he's right and others......?

These ups and downs will remain constant, how you choose to react will be the

challenge. I know it's mine. We are only human and want always what is best

for our children. I have no idea what the future holds for Kylin. I have to

get to that place where I choose to see only greatness for her. For who knows

what her potentiality truly is? Only time will tell. If it is not what had I

wanted most for her, than it will have to be what she was most destined to be.

I still cry and I still go into a room and just scream to let off steam. I am

not always filled with patience and kind words. I do not always react

appropriately to her behaviors and " mischief " . I do the best I can in the

moment and continue to educate myself on how to do better next time. I am

loving this group and will rely on its resources and draw from its collective

experience. I am also considering talking to a psychologist for myself. One

who has experience in helping parents cope with special needs kids. It's

something I can do for myself that will only benefit how I parent both of my

children. I know they are miracles. To have survived such a horrendous

experience of prematurity and come out of it as well as they have gives me

living proof of God's love and kindness. Kylin's autism isn't going away. I

have to learn to live and love with that. I don't know if any of this is

helpful, but hang in there. Celebrate the small stuff. That can sometimes be

the most miraculous.

Dealing with bitterness....

Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

ASD)

[Guest guest]

Wow I hear you! Hi my name is Louise my youngest of five children was diagnosed

autistic in September. I am new to this group and have been reading the

postings for the past couple of weeks. I am very glad to have found you all I

don't know anyone who is raising an autistic child. Although my heart is

saddened at what life has dealt my son and my family I love him with every fibre

of my being. My husband and I were done having babies when blessed our

lives. He was totally unexpected my husband was not a happy camper but I as

usual felt that every child is a blessing and anxiously awaited his arrival.

He is 4 years old now and I am in love every bit as much now as the day I first

set eyes on him. thanks for inspiring me to finally put myself out there.

I feel guilty when the anger and bitterness set in and was afraid to admit it

for fear that perhaps there was something wrong with me but I am realizing that

I am not alone.

Louise

Dealing with bitterness....

Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

ASD)

[Guest guest]

Wow I hear you! Hi my name is Louise my youngest of five children was diagnosed

autistic in September. I am new to this group and have been reading the

postings for the past couple of weeks. I am very glad to have found you all I

don't know anyone who is raising an autistic child. Although my heart is

saddened at what life has dealt my son and my family I love him with every fibre

of my being. My husband and I were done having babies when blessed our

lives. He was totally unexpected my husband was not a happy camper but I as

usual felt that every child is a blessing and anxiously awaited his arrival.

He is 4 years old now and I am in love every bit as much now as the day I first

set eyes on him. thanks for inspiring me to finally put myself out there.

I feel guilty when the anger and bitterness set in and was afraid to admit it

for fear that perhaps there was something wrong with me but I am realizing that

I am not alone.

Louise

Dealing with bitterness....

Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

ASD)

[Guest guest]

Wow I hear you! Hi my name is Louise my youngest of five children was diagnosed

autistic in September. I am new to this group and have been reading the

postings for the past couple of weeks. I am very glad to have found you all I

don't know anyone who is raising an autistic child. Although my heart is

saddened at what life has dealt my son and my family I love him with every fibre

of my being. My husband and I were done having babies when blessed our

lives. He was totally unexpected my husband was not a happy camper but I as

usual felt that every child is a blessing and anxiously awaited his arrival.

He is 4 years old now and I am in love every bit as much now as the day I first

set eyes on him. thanks for inspiring me to finally put myself out there.

I feel guilty when the anger and bitterness set in and was afraid to admit it

for fear that perhaps there was something wrong with me but I am realizing that

I am not alone.

Louise

Dealing with bitterness....

Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

ASD)

[Guest guest]

Do I feel bitter? Do I feel bitter? Am I bitter that while I was feeling

happy and self congratulatory about finding the right man, and starting a

family, that in fact our genes were a train wreck in slow motion? Am I

bitter that we got pregnant again before realizing the enormity of the

situation? Am I bitter that I will be, on some level, dealing with ASD

until the day I die?

Your f***ing right I am.

Dealing with bitterness....

> Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

> situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

> my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

> and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

> my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

> autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

> to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

> normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

> ASD)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Do I feel bitter? Do I feel bitter? Am I bitter that while I was feeling

happy and self congratulatory about finding the right man, and starting a

family, that in fact our genes were a train wreck in slow motion? Am I

bitter that we got pregnant again before realizing the enormity of the

situation? Am I bitter that I will be, on some level, dealing with ASD

until the day I die?

Your f***ing right I am.

Dealing with bitterness....

> Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

> situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

> my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

> and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

> my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

> autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

> to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

> normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

> ASD)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Do I feel bitter? Do I feel bitter? Am I bitter that while I was feeling

happy and self congratulatory about finding the right man, and starting a

family, that in fact our genes were a train wreck in slow motion? Am I

bitter that we got pregnant again before realizing the enormity of the

situation? Am I bitter that I will be, on some level, dealing with ASD

until the day I die?

Your f***ing right I am.

Dealing with bitterness....

> Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

> situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

> my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

> and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

> my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

> autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

> to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

> normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

> ASD)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I’m not bitter. Sad, sometimes. But this child has brought more joy into my life

just the way he is, that I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Bitterness is just

unacceptable to me, it only bother me and it’s not worth my effort. I could say

the same for sadness but that passes while bitterness tends to harden.

debbi

[Guest guest]

I’m not bitter. Sad, sometimes. But this child has brought more joy into my life

just the way he is, that I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Bitterness is just

unacceptable to me, it only bother me and it’s not worth my effort. I could say

the same for sadness but that passes while bitterness tends to harden.

debbi

[Guest guest]

I wasted a lot of time being bitter.

Life is too short.

Bitterness tends to turn inward and make you a very unpleasant person, which

is not healthy for anyone involved.

Doesn't mean I don't still get sad occasionally.

Sissi

[Guest guest]

> Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

> situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

> my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

> and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

> my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

> autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

> to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

> normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

> ASD)

I don't blame you or anyone else for feeling bitter. We all have an

inborn desire to have healthy children and to live happy lives.

I have never talked about this here, but I will say that I have been a

serious Bible student for several years. I was brought up by two

religious parents (but of different religions) and I was taken to

several different kinds of churches as a child. (Baptist,

non-denominational, Catholic to name a few) I have also enjoyed

reading about other kinds of religions in the world to the extent I

have had time to. I have found factual reasons to put faith in the

Bible as I've grown in my understanding. I have read the complete

Bible 3 times and am on my 4th pass now as I like to read different

translations. (This has been over a period of 20 years, I don't spend

all my time reading the Bible LOL!)

Anyway, I have never read anything in the Bible to make me believe

that God has given some families disabled children while other

families " normal " children simply because those former families are

" special " . I've just never seen anything in the Bible that says that

despite hearing many different religious platitudes that purport that

thinking. I've also not read anything that says that God " punishes "

people with sad things in their lives and rewards others for " good "

behavior. I do not believe that God has " fated " (not a word, I know)

out our entire lives. I have learned things however about this world

and why things are the way they are, and what God intends to do about

it. If anyone would like to discuss this with me, I'm happy to share

what I've learned, and how I deal with feelings like bitterness and

envy, but I only think it would be appropriate off list as I would be

quoting several scriptures and it would be a religious discussion.

My personal e-mail is mother@...

Take care, ~ Karin

[Guest guest]

> Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

> situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

> my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

> and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

> my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

> autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

> to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

> normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

> ASD)

I don't blame you or anyone else for feeling bitter. We all have an

inborn desire to have healthy children and to live happy lives.

I have never talked about this here, but I will say that I have been a

serious Bible student for several years. I was brought up by two

religious parents (but of different religions) and I was taken to

several different kinds of churches as a child. (Baptist,

non-denominational, Catholic to name a few) I have also enjoyed

reading about other kinds of religions in the world to the extent I

have had time to. I have found factual reasons to put faith in the

Bible as I've grown in my understanding. I have read the complete

Bible 3 times and am on my 4th pass now as I like to read different

translations. (This has been over a period of 20 years, I don't spend

all my time reading the Bible LOL!)

Anyway, I have never read anything in the Bible to make me believe

that God has given some families disabled children while other

families " normal " children simply because those former families are

" special " . I've just never seen anything in the Bible that says that

despite hearing many different religious platitudes that purport that

thinking. I've also not read anything that says that God " punishes "

people with sad things in their lives and rewards others for " good "

behavior. I do not believe that God has " fated " (not a word, I know)

out our entire lives. I have learned things however about this world

and why things are the way they are, and what God intends to do about

it. If anyone would like to discuss this with me, I'm happy to share

what I've learned, and how I deal with feelings like bitterness and

envy, but I only think it would be appropriate off list as I would be

quoting several scriptures and it would be a religious discussion.

My personal e-mail is mother@...

Take care, ~ Karin

[Guest guest]

> Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

> situation ? I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

> my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

> and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

> my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

> autism ???? I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

> to parents he knows can handle it. " Afterall, I just want the

> normal things any other parent would want.... (Mom to Will 4

> ASD)

I don't blame you or anyone else for feeling bitter. We all have an

inborn desire to have healthy children and to live happy lives.

I have never talked about this here, but I will say that I have been a

serious Bible student for several years. I was brought up by two

religious parents (but of different religions) and I was taken to

several different kinds of churches as a child. (Baptist,

non-denominational, Catholic to name a few) I have also enjoyed

reading about other kinds of religions in the world to the extent I

have had time to. I have found factual reasons to put faith in the

Bible as I've grown in my understanding. I have read the complete

Bible 3 times and am on my 4th pass now as I like to read different

translations. (This has been over a period of 20 years, I don't spend

all my time reading the Bible LOL!)

Anyway, I have never read anything in the Bible to make me believe

that God has given some families disabled children while other

families " normal " children simply because those former families are

" special " . I've just never seen anything in the Bible that says that

despite hearing many different religious platitudes that purport that

thinking. I've also not read anything that says that God " punishes "

people with sad things in their lives and rewards others for " good "

behavior. I do not believe that God has " fated " (not a word, I know)

out our entire lives. I have learned things however about this world

and why things are the way they are, and what God intends to do about

it. If anyone would like to discuss this with me, I'm happy to share

what I've learned, and how I deal with feelings like bitterness and

envy, but I only think it would be appropriate off list as I would be

quoting several scriptures and it would be a religious discussion.

My personal e-mail is mother@...

Take care, ~ Karin

[Guest guest]

> Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

> situation ?

I feel extreme bitterness about my marriage, but not about my children.

That, however, is just me.

I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

> my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

> and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

> my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

> autism ????

Well, I have five kids so I get some of everything. It does seem unfair,

doesn't it? But there is so much unfair about everything.

Seems like we have a lot to yell at God about.

I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

> to parents he knows can handle it. "

This statement is made by fools who can't think of anything else to say and

who hope that if they tell you you are wonderful for simply struggling along

raising your kids as best you can rather than discarding them and running

off with the first vacuum cleaner salesman, you will somehow be able to hang

in there a bit longer. All it does is irritate us of course!

Afterall, I just want the

> normal things any other parent would want....

Yup. And I don't blame you a bit.

Salli

[Guest guest]

> Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

> situation ?

I feel extreme bitterness about my marriage, but not about my children.

That, however, is just me.

I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

> my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

> and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

> my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

> autism ????

Well, I have five kids so I get some of everything. It does seem unfair,

doesn't it? But there is so much unfair about everything.

Seems like we have a lot to yell at God about.

I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

> to parents he knows can handle it. "

This statement is made by fools who can't think of anything else to say and

who hope that if they tell you you are wonderful for simply struggling along

raising your kids as best you can rather than discarding them and running

off with the first vacuum cleaner salesman, you will somehow be able to hang

in there a bit longer. All it does is irritate us of course!

Afterall, I just want the

> normal things any other parent would want....

Yup. And I don't blame you a bit.

Salli

[Guest guest]

> Does anyone here ever feel extreme bitterness about their

> situation ?

I feel extreme bitterness about my marriage, but not about my children.

That, however, is just me.

I can't help but get bitter over the fact that God knew

> my husband and I shouldn't have any more children because of our ages

> and the risks involved...and if God knew this, than why did he give

> my husband and myself, our only child, this dreaded diagnosis of

> autism ????

Well, I have five kids so I get some of everything. It does seem unfair,

doesn't it? But there is so much unfair about everything.

Seems like we have a lot to yell at God about.

I get so tired of hearing, " God gives special children

> to parents he knows can handle it. "

This statement is made by fools who can't think of anything else to say and

who hope that if they tell you you are wonderful for simply struggling along

raising your kids as best you can rather than discarding them and running

off with the first vacuum cleaner salesman, you will somehow be able to hang

in there a bit longer. All it does is irritate us of course!

Afterall, I just want the

> normal things any other parent would want....

Yup. And I don't blame you a bit.

Salli

[Guest guest]

Yes, I do too at times. It used to be all the time. So I guess I've

improved lately without realizing it.

My whole child experience has been fraught with hardship and bitterness

actually. To get pregnant, I went through a very painful procedure to

check my fallopian tubes. Now, I have a high tolerance for pain, but I

almost passed out from this. Then at 20 weeks, I almost miscarried. I

had emergency surgery, and spent the next 15 weeks in a hospital bed,

away from the rest of the world. I was bitter ... that I missed all the

usual enjoyable things about a pregnancy ... no curling up in bed with

my husband to feel the babies kick, no baby showers (everyone was too

scared to throw me one and jinx me), no people ooo'ing and ahh'ing over

how big I was getting or how I was " glowing " , no cruising baby stores

looking at all the cute stuff. Nope, I was confined to bed and fought

the fear.

I was thankful that my twins were born healthy, though small. I was

thankful that they only spent 12 days in the NICU learning to eat. But

I was bitter as hell about my pregnancy experience.

But I moved on, and marveled at how Jordan was reaching his milestones

about on time despite being 5 weeks premature. Things were getting

easier and I was enjoying my twins.

Until ... it became apparent that something was very wrong with Jordan.

Seven months later, on his birthday, I got his diagnosis. Happy fucking

birthday, I thought. We barely even acknowledged it was their birthday

that day. I was numb, I was upset.

And once that wore off, I was bitter. Very. All that pain, fear, work,

the gauntlet that is newborn twins ... all for what? For fucking autism.

It was supposed to get easier, not harder. It had already been more

fucking hard than most people will experience in a lifetime of raising

children. I berated myself for having children. Decided it was a huge

mistake. Considered if it was possible to undo the mistake ... felt

trapped because I could not find an acceptable solution to getting out

of dealing with the autism. Was bitter because I was trapped.

You're getting the idea by now I'm sure.

I still feel like this some days.

Some good has come out of this. I suppose I've made lemonade from

lemons. I still have lemons ... but at least I have something tasty to

drink while I juggle them. LOL

I ***HATE*** those sayings ...

" God doesn't give you more than you can handle " and " God gives special

children to special people. "

My knee jerk reaction is ... " Well, does that mean that if I was a

weaker person (or less special person) my son would not have been born

with autism? "

Everyone who meets Jordan, since birth, has said that he has old eyes,

an old soul. So my little joke is that Jordan said " BTDT, this time

around lets make it a bit challenging, ok? How about autism? " And for

whatever sadistic reason, he chose us as his parents. ;-)

Okay, I've rambled quite enough for now. I need to go pack. I'm going

to an autism conference tomorrow in PA. Won't be back until Sunday.

Debbie