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Re: A Tribute to Mom

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So much for the song; but here's the unrhyming poem:

" I Can See Her "

I can see her

In my mind's eye

Her beautiful face, smooth skin, and lovely rose petal lips

She is everything to me

I want to be like her; I want her to like me

But there is a wall

Detachment

She can't really see me

And I can't feel her touch

I watch the smoke swirling around her beloved features

Wondering

Why?

I cough and cough until I throw up again

I just want her to comfort me

I want her to care

She cares more about the cigarette

I know it in my heart

But I can't accept it

So I make up another story – it's because of her pain

But I love her

Perhaps my love will be enough for both of us

If I am good enough, she will love me

She will love me again, like she never did

Like she never could

Because she hates me

I am everything she is not

I have what she couldn't have – love, acceptance, sweetness and light

And there is nothing I can do to change this

I am who I am

Soft voice, gentle heart, blonde and light

She is dark and lovely

Am I really her child?

I will love her until the day I die

I will always yearn for what cannot be

I will never accept that she is gone, never really there at all

Mommy, where are you?

Mommy, can you hear me?

I need you Mommy.

I need you.

Why won't you come to me?

Why can't you hear me?

I miss you Mommy.

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So much for the song; but here's the unrhyming poem:

" I Can See Her "

I can see her

In my mind's eye

Her beautiful face, smooth skin, and lovely rose petal lips

She is everything to me

I want to be like her; I want her to like me

But there is a wall

Detachment

She can't really see me

And I can't feel her touch

I watch the smoke swirling around her beloved features

Wondering

Why?

I cough and cough until I throw up again

I just want her to comfort me

I want her to care

She cares more about the cigarette

I know it in my heart

But I can't accept it

So I make up another story – it's because of her pain

But I love her

Perhaps my love will be enough for both of us

If I am good enough, she will love me

She will love me again, like she never did

Like she never could

Because she hates me

I am everything she is not

I have what she couldn't have – love, acceptance, sweetness and light

And there is nothing I can do to change this

I am who I am

Soft voice, gentle heart, blonde and light

She is dark and lovely

Am I really her child?

I will love her until the day I die

I will always yearn for what cannot be

I will never accept that she is gone, never really there at all

Mommy, where are you?

Mommy, can you hear me?

I need you Mommy.

I need you.

Why won't you come to me?

Why can't you hear me?

I miss you Mommy.

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So much for the song; but here's the unrhyming poem:

" I Can See Her "

I can see her

In my mind's eye

Her beautiful face, smooth skin, and lovely rose petal lips

She is everything to me

I want to be like her; I want her to like me

But there is a wall

Detachment

She can't really see me

And I can't feel her touch

I watch the smoke swirling around her beloved features

Wondering

Why?

I cough and cough until I throw up again

I just want her to comfort me

I want her to care

She cares more about the cigarette

I know it in my heart

But I can't accept it

So I make up another story – it's because of her pain

But I love her

Perhaps my love will be enough for both of us

If I am good enough, she will love me

She will love me again, like she never did

Like she never could

Because she hates me

I am everything she is not

I have what she couldn't have – love, acceptance, sweetness and light

And there is nothing I can do to change this

I am who I am

Soft voice, gentle heart, blonde and light

She is dark and lovely

Am I really her child?

I will love her until the day I die

I will always yearn for what cannot be

I will never accept that she is gone, never really there at all

Mommy, where are you?

Mommy, can you hear me?

I need you Mommy.

I need you.

Why won't you come to me?

Why can't you hear me?

I miss you Mommy.

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I am not a writer or a poet but if I had to pick out one thing my nada did that

actually helped me be a better person I'd say it was her selfishness. No, don't

call out the guys with the little white coats. Because of her selfishness I

learned to entertain myself, to be self reliant. Because of her selfishness we

moved a lot and I learned how to adapt quickly to new situations and schools (14

of them to be exact). Because of her selfishness, the men in her like never

stuck around and I learned that relationships are hard and are not all white

picket fences and flowers. Because of that I went into marriage with no

expectations and we've been doing great for over 37 years now.

So even the bad in a person can help us grow. Sort of like manure on the roses.

>

> For those who may be in (or cycling back through) the sad part of grieving

over our BPD family member:

>

> Would anyone like to write a tribute or poem to the parts of nada/fada they

love? The good parts that were helpful. The parts that give us a reason to

stay LC instead of NC. Or for those who are NC, perhaps the things that

contributed to your development? Maybe even the bad example that you chose not

to be.

>

> Anyway, I am working on a song. I'll let you know if I get it and submit in

poem format here.

>

> Love to All

> And, of course, HEALING!

>

> +Coal Miner's Daughter

>

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