Ouch

[Guest guest]

So, I know that I'm blessed that my nada wrote me off as soon as I stopped

trying to have a relationship with her. I know she never liked me. Never

loved me either. She didn't enjoy my personality or my company.

But it still breaks my heart that when I stopped talking to her she didn't

even try to speak to me. She didn't call. She didn't stop by. She didn't ask

why. She didn't send me an e-mail. She didn't leave me a message. She didn't

stalk me on Facebook. She didn't come by my work, call my office or send me

a certified letter.

She sent sent 2 or three cards. They said horrible things inside couched in

terms of " missing me, " writing only a sentance or two. Like you must be mad

because I always loved your brotherssss so much more than I ever loved you.

I don't even remember what they all said, except for that one, and I threw

them away. She also sent money.

But she didn't try to find me. I didn't change my number. She knows where I

live. I haven't kept where I work a secret. I'm not hard to find - I'm in

the newspaper on a regular basis. I havne't changed my name though I have to

admit, I think about doing so almost every day. I love my name, but I don't

like sharing it with her.

What she did do is bitch. I wasn't providing narcissitic supply (I think

maybe never did to her satisfaction, due at least in part to my gender - she

only wanted narc supply from men and boys), and so she looked immediately

for other sources. She played the victim and bitched to everyone and anyone

who would listen about her daughter being so cold hearted she would turn her

back on her own m-o-o-o-o-ther, as Annie would say.

My T even said that she could hear her doing it - playing the victim card to

anyone who would listen- and my T has never met her.

She has bitched so much that the new sister in law who I have never met has

sent me hate mail about how I make her sick and what a rotten daughter I am.

But a phone call from my mother? An email? Asking the legitimate question

" did I do something to hurt you? " Never happened. I'll be 8 years NC with

Nada this spring. I just past 2 years NC with dad at Christmas.

I did see her a handful of times at family gatherings during those 8 years

that my dad asked me to go to. Then I decided I never wanted to see her

again and I had to go NC with my dad too because he wouldn't let it go. I

honestly think it was more important to him that I see her than it was to

her. The few times that I saw her she would try to hug me, try to talk to me

kind of, grasp to little comments I made and try to insert herself and

remind me that I'm her daughter, it made me ill. I think she was on her

" best behavior, " and was kind of acting like a kid who got caught being

bad. She didn't say " I'm sorry, " no eye contact (that was my boundry), no

direct conversation (anotehr of my boundaries), and she did touch me many

times, which made my skin crawl. You can see why I said no more courtesy

visits.

All I can say is " Ouch. "