Re: advice needed when meeting new friends

[Guest guest]

That's a tough one! I have a 10 year old who is borderline everything!! I have noticed the phone not ringing as much after Adam has made a few comments. He is Because he is socially awkward at times, other Mothers just don't seem to get him. Wait for the second or third time before you mention anything, if you really want this friendship.At this point in my life (and his), I could care less about what others think, especially at a park for a spontaneous playdate with a stranger. If you feel the need to be overbearing, then do it with a smile!! There are plenty of other children within "our" society who your son can play with. Have you tried a social group? Although my son goes to a private school with some nice children, I find that his closest friends come out of these.

Good luck and have fun with him!! Trust me, at some point, your son will no longer wanting you to be hanging over his shoulder! LOL

Debbie Marcus

I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a tough time with generalization.) They seem to get along fine, until I mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they now look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something "different" about my son when they interact with him, but the younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from saying anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like this?Any advice is truly appreciated

[Guest guest]

That's a tough one! I have a 10 year old who is borderline everything!! I have noticed the phone not ringing as much after Adam has made a few comments. He is Because he is socially awkward at times, other Mothers just don't seem to get him. Wait for the second or third time before you mention anything, if you really want this friendship.At this point in my life (and his), I could care less about what others think, especially at a park for a spontaneous playdate with a stranger. If you feel the need to be overbearing, then do it with a smile!! There are plenty of other children within "our" society who your son can play with. Have you tried a social group? Although my son goes to a private school with some nice children, I find that his closest friends come out of these.

Good luck and have fun with him!! Trust me, at some point, your son will no longer wanting you to be hanging over his shoulder! LOL

Debbie Marcus

I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a tough time with generalization.) They seem to get along fine, until I mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they now look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something "different" about my son when they interact with him, but the younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from saying anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like this?Any advice is truly appreciated

[Guest guest]

That's a tough one! I have a 10 year old who is borderline everything!! I have noticed the phone not ringing as much after Adam has made a few comments. He is Because he is socially awkward at times, other Mothers just don't seem to get him. Wait for the second or third time before you mention anything, if you really want this friendship.At this point in my life (and his), I could care less about what others think, especially at a park for a spontaneous playdate with a stranger. If you feel the need to be overbearing, then do it with a smile!! There are plenty of other children within "our" society who your son can play with. Have you tried a social group? Although my son goes to a private school with some nice children, I find that his closest friends come out of these.

Good luck and have fun with him!! Trust me, at some point, your son will no longer wanting you to be hanging over his shoulder! LOL

Debbie Marcus

I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a tough time with generalization.) They seem to get along fine, until I mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they now look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something "different" about my son when they interact with him, but the younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from saying anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like this?Any advice is truly appreciated

[Guest guest]

Dear e,

This is such a common concern that ALL parents of kids on the spectrum experience. It is a good idea to shadow your child, in my opinion, in his play with new kids. That way as odd behaviors undoubtedly unfold, you can correct and praise your child as neccessary. Nothing need be shared with the other child's parent at all, in my opinion. If your child has idiocyncracies that come up, handle each individually while the kids are playing. Role play with the children and treat it like a social skills workshop. The other kids don't need to know. I have had some terrific learning experiences happen for my son with typical children in this way. Actually, sometimes when he is around typical kids it is better for modeling and teaching, rather than trying to teach a group of children on the spectrum all at the same time.

If the other parent has any question about your child, JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! You don't need to give your child's history or diagnosis. Remember that the Autism Spectrum is just that: a spectrum of behaviors that have a common link. So, for instance, you might say to the parent, and only if he/she questions something, "I am busy working with my son with his manners and it seems as if your child is a great model!"

Best to you. The road is long. The joys are many!

Subject: advice needed when meeting new friendsTo: sList Date: Sunday, April 11, 2010, 4:43 PM

I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a tough time with generalization. ) They seem to get along fine, until I mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they

now look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something "different" about my son when they interact with him, but the younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from

saying anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like this?Any advice is truly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

Dear e,

This is such a common concern that ALL parents of kids on the spectrum experience. It is a good idea to shadow your child, in my opinion, in his play with new kids. That way as odd behaviors undoubtedly unfold, you can correct and praise your child as neccessary. Nothing need be shared with the other child's parent at all, in my opinion. If your child has idiocyncracies that come up, handle each individually while the kids are playing. Role play with the children and treat it like a social skills workshop. The other kids don't need to know. I have had some terrific learning experiences happen for my son with typical children in this way. Actually, sometimes when he is around typical kids it is better for modeling and teaching, rather than trying to teach a group of children on the spectrum all at the same time.

If the other parent has any question about your child, JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! You don't need to give your child's history or diagnosis. Remember that the Autism Spectrum is just that: a spectrum of behaviors that have a common link. So, for instance, you might say to the parent, and only if he/she questions something, "I am busy working with my son with his manners and it seems as if your child is a great model!"

Best to you. The road is long. The joys are many!

Subject: advice needed when meeting new friendsTo: sList Date: Sunday, April 11, 2010, 4:43 PM

I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a tough time with generalization. ) They seem to get along fine, until I mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they

now look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something "different" about my son when they interact with him, but the younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from

saying anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like this?Any advice is truly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

Dear e,

This is such a common concern that ALL parents of kids on the spectrum experience. It is a good idea to shadow your child, in my opinion, in his play with new kids. That way as odd behaviors undoubtedly unfold, you can correct and praise your child as neccessary. Nothing need be shared with the other child's parent at all, in my opinion. If your child has idiocyncracies that come up, handle each individually while the kids are playing. Role play with the children and treat it like a social skills workshop. The other kids don't need to know. I have had some terrific learning experiences happen for my son with typical children in this way. Actually, sometimes when he is around typical kids it is better for modeling and teaching, rather than trying to teach a group of children on the spectrum all at the same time.

If the other parent has any question about your child, JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! You don't need to give your child's history or diagnosis. Remember that the Autism Spectrum is just that: a spectrum of behaviors that have a common link. So, for instance, you might say to the parent, and only if he/she questions something, "I am busy working with my son with his manners and it seems as if your child is a great model!"

Best to you. The road is long. The joys are many!

Subject: advice needed when meeting new friendsTo: sList Date: Sunday, April 11, 2010, 4:43 PM

I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a tough time with generalization. ) They seem to get along fine, until I mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they

now look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something "different" about my son when they interact with him, but the younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from

saying anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like this?Any advice is truly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

I struggle with the same thing with my 6 year old daughter. SHE doesn’t

yet seem to realize there is any problem but it is hard for ME knowing there is

one. I also find myself also wanting to explain the diagnosis so

that others might understand should something quirky happen. However, I try

to approach it softer such as saying something like “my child has some special

needs” as opposed to a specific diagnosis. Unfortunately, the

majority of people still do not have an understanding of the diagnosis and as

we know, ignorance can result in fear… so softening it makes it easier

for some to digest. It is always that fine line of whether we should say

something or not and for me (as I have mentioned in other posts) I struggle

with the guilt about having to rely on a diagnosis to explain the behavior vs

the feeling I am being a coward for not acknowledging and protecting my

daughter by sharing her diagnosis. It is really tough for me

and I know for others as well. So, I guess no real answers for you just maybe

some empathy and shared experiences…hope it is helpful.

From: sList [mailto:sList ] On Behalf Of e sen

Sent: Sunday, April 11, 2010 4:44

PM

To: sList

Subject: advice

needed when meeting new friends

I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very

apparent issues with speech and social skills.

Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get

engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him

communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't

seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their

questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a

tough time with generalization.) They seem to get along fine, until I

mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other parent

that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes.

The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting with

mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not

b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they now

look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know

that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we

are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children

we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction

and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason

why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a

little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do

something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him.

Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing

mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.

Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something

" different " about my son when they interact with him, but the younger

ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from saying anything

about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like

this?

Any advice is truly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

I struggle with the same thing with my 6 year old daughter. SHE doesn’t

yet seem to realize there is any problem but it is hard for ME knowing there is

one. I also find myself also wanting to explain the diagnosis so

that others might understand should something quirky happen. However, I try

to approach it softer such as saying something like “my child has some special

needs” as opposed to a specific diagnosis. Unfortunately, the

majority of people still do not have an understanding of the diagnosis and as

we know, ignorance can result in fear… so softening it makes it easier

for some to digest. It is always that fine line of whether we should say

something or not and for me (as I have mentioned in other posts) I struggle

with the guilt about having to rely on a diagnosis to explain the behavior vs

the feeling I am being a coward for not acknowledging and protecting my

daughter by sharing her diagnosis. It is really tough for me

and I know for others as well. So, I guess no real answers for you just maybe

some empathy and shared experiences…hope it is helpful.

From: sList [mailto:sList ] On Behalf Of e sen

Sent: Sunday, April 11, 2010 4:44

PM

To: sList

Subject: advice

needed when meeting new friends

I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very

apparent issues with speech and social skills.

Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get

engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him

communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't

seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their

questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a

tough time with generalization.) They seem to get along fine, until I

mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other parent

that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes.

The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting with

mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not

b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they now

look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know

that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we

are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children

we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction

and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason

why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a

little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do

something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him.

Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing

mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.

Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something

" different " about my son when they interact with him, but the younger

ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from saying anything

about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like

this?

Any advice is truly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

I struggle with the same thing with my 6 year old daughter. SHE doesn’t

yet seem to realize there is any problem but it is hard for ME knowing there is

one. I also find myself also wanting to explain the diagnosis so

that others might understand should something quirky happen. However, I try

to approach it softer such as saying something like “my child has some special

needs” as opposed to a specific diagnosis. Unfortunately, the

majority of people still do not have an understanding of the diagnosis and as

we know, ignorance can result in fear… so softening it makes it easier

for some to digest. It is always that fine line of whether we should say

something or not and for me (as I have mentioned in other posts) I struggle

with the guilt about having to rely on a diagnosis to explain the behavior vs

the feeling I am being a coward for not acknowledging and protecting my

daughter by sharing her diagnosis. It is really tough for me

and I know for others as well. So, I guess no real answers for you just maybe

some empathy and shared experiences…hope it is helpful.

From: sList [mailto:sList ] On Behalf Of e sen

Sent: Sunday, April 11, 2010 4:44

PM

To: sList

Subject: advice

needed when meeting new friends

I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very

apparent issues with speech and social skills.

Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get

engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him

communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't

seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their

questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a

tough time with generalization.) They seem to get along fine, until I

mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other parent

that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes.

The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting with

mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not

b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they now

look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know

that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we

are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children

we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction

and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason

why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a

little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do

something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him.

Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing

mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.

Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something

" different " about my son when they interact with him, but the younger

ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from saying anything

about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like

this?

Any advice is truly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

Loved your feedback …will apply it myself!

From: sList [mailto:sList ] On Behalf Of brooke daniels

Sent: Sunday, April 11, 2010 6:18

PM

To: sList

Subject: Re: advice

needed when meeting new friends

Dear e,

This is such a common concern that ALL parents of

kids on the spectrum experience. It is a good idea to shadow your

child, in my opinion, in his play with new kids. That way as odd

behaviors undoubtedly unfold, you can correct and praise your child as

neccessary. Nothing need be shared with the other child's parent at all,

in my opinion. If your child has idiocyncracies that come up, handle each

individually while the kids are playing. Role play with the children and

treat it like a social skills workshop. The other kids don't need to know. I

have had some terrific learning experiences happen for my son with typical

children in this way. Actually, sometimes when he is around typical kids it

is better for modeling and teaching, rather than trying to teach a group of

children on the spectrum all at the same time.

If the other parent has any question about your

child, JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! You don't need to give your child's

history or diagnosis. Remember that the Autism Spectrum is just that: a

spectrum of behaviors that have a common link. So, for instance, you might

say to the parent, and only if he/she questions something, " I am busy

working with my son with his manners and it seems as if your child is a great

model! "

Best to you. The road is long. The joys

are many!

From: e sen <kristinempetersen>

Subject: advice needed when meeting new friends

To: sList

Date: Sunday, April 11, 2010, 4:43 PM

I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has

autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.

Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get

engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him

communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child

doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of

phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since

he still has a tough time with generalization. ) They seem to get along fine,

until I mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other

parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game

changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now

interacting with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly

after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary,

but purely b/c they now look at him differently since they heard the 'a'

word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that

doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life

long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to

get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without

it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it

after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent

understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to

have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see

that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my

son's social interaction.

Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something

" different " about my son when they interact with him, but the

younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from saying

anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle

situations like this?

Any advice is truly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

Loved your feedback …will apply it myself!

From: sList [mailto:sList ] On Behalf Of brooke daniels

Sent: Sunday, April 11, 2010 6:18

PM

To: sList

Subject: Re: advice

needed when meeting new friends

Dear e,

This is such a common concern that ALL parents of

kids on the spectrum experience. It is a good idea to shadow your

child, in my opinion, in his play with new kids. That way as odd

behaviors undoubtedly unfold, you can correct and praise your child as

neccessary. Nothing need be shared with the other child's parent at all,

in my opinion. If your child has idiocyncracies that come up, handle each

individually while the kids are playing. Role play with the children and

treat it like a social skills workshop. The other kids don't need to know. I

have had some terrific learning experiences happen for my son with typical

children in this way. Actually, sometimes when he is around typical kids it

is better for modeling and teaching, rather than trying to teach a group of

children on the spectrum all at the same time.

If the other parent has any question about your

child, JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! You don't need to give your child's

history or diagnosis. Remember that the Autism Spectrum is just that: a

spectrum of behaviors that have a common link. So, for instance, you might

say to the parent, and only if he/she questions something, " I am busy

working with my son with his manners and it seems as if your child is a great

model! "

Best to you. The road is long. The joys

are many!

From: e sen <kristinempetersen>

Subject: advice needed when meeting new friends

To: sList

Date: Sunday, April 11, 2010, 4:43 PM

I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has

autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.

Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get

engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him

communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child

doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of

phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since

he still has a tough time with generalization. ) They seem to get along fine,

until I mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other

parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game

changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now

interacting with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly

after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary,

but purely b/c they now look at him differently since they heard the 'a'

word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that

doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life

long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to

get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without

it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it

after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent

understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to

have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see

that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my

son's social interaction.

Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something

" different " about my son when they interact with him, but the

younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from saying

anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle

situations like this?

Any advice is truly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

Loved your feedback …will apply it myself!

From: sList [mailto:sList ] On Behalf Of brooke daniels

Sent: Sunday, April 11, 2010 6:18

PM

To: sList

Subject: Re: advice

needed when meeting new friends

Dear e,

This is such a common concern that ALL parents of

kids on the spectrum experience. It is a good idea to shadow your

child, in my opinion, in his play with new kids. That way as odd

behaviors undoubtedly unfold, you can correct and praise your child as

neccessary. Nothing need be shared with the other child's parent at all,

in my opinion. If your child has idiocyncracies that come up, handle each

individually while the kids are playing. Role play with the children and

treat it like a social skills workshop. The other kids don't need to know. I

have had some terrific learning experiences happen for my son with typical

children in this way. Actually, sometimes when he is around typical kids it

is better for modeling and teaching, rather than trying to teach a group of

children on the spectrum all at the same time.

If the other parent has any question about your

child, JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! You don't need to give your child's

history or diagnosis. Remember that the Autism Spectrum is just that: a

spectrum of behaviors that have a common link. So, for instance, you might

say to the parent, and only if he/she questions something, " I am busy

working with my son with his manners and it seems as if your child is a great

model! "

Best to you. The road is long. The joys

are many!

From: e sen <kristinempetersen>

Subject: advice needed when meeting new friends

To: sList

Date: Sunday, April 11, 2010, 4:43 PM

I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has

autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.

Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get

engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him

communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child

doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of

phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since

he still has a tough time with generalization. ) They seem to get along fine,

until I mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other

parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game

changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now

interacting with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly

after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary,

but purely b/c they now look at him differently since they heard the 'a'

word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that

doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life

long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to

get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without

it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it

after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent

understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to

have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see

that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my

son's social interaction.

Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something

" different " about my son when they interact with him, but the

younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from saying

anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle

situations like this?

Any advice is truly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

Great advice!Sent from my iPhone

Dear e,

This is such a common concern that ALL parents of kids on the spectrum experience. It is a good idea to shadow your child, in my opinion, in his play with new kids. That way as odd behaviors undoubtedly unfold, you can correct and praise your child as neccessary. Nothing need be shared with the other child's parent at all, in my opinion. If your child has idiocyncracies that come up, handle each individually while the kids are playing. Role play with the children and treat it like a social skills workshop. The other kids don't need to know. I have had some terrific learning experiences happen for my son with typical children in this way. Actually, sometimes when he is around typical kids it is better for modeling and teaching, rather than trying to teach a group of children on the spectrum all at the same time.

If the other parent has any question about your child, JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! You don't need to give your child's history or diagnosis. Remember that the Autism Spectrum is just that: a spectrum of behaviors that have a common link. So, for instance, you might say to the parent, and only if he/she questions something, "I am busy working with my son with his manners and it seems as if your child is a great model!"

Best to you. The road is long. The joys are many!

From: e sen <kristinempetersen>Subject: advice needed when meeting new friendsTo: sList Date: Sunday, April 11, 2010, 4:43 PM

I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a tough time with generalization. ) They seem to get along fine, until I mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they

now look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something "different" about my son when they interact with him, but the younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from

saying anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like this?Any advice is truly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

Great advice!Sent from my iPhone

Dear e,

This is such a common concern that ALL parents of kids on the spectrum experience. It is a good idea to shadow your child, in my opinion, in his play with new kids. That way as odd behaviors undoubtedly unfold, you can correct and praise your child as neccessary. Nothing need be shared with the other child's parent at all, in my opinion. If your child has idiocyncracies that come up, handle each individually while the kids are playing. Role play with the children and treat it like a social skills workshop. The other kids don't need to know. I have had some terrific learning experiences happen for my son with typical children in this way. Actually, sometimes when he is around typical kids it is better for modeling and teaching, rather than trying to teach a group of children on the spectrum all at the same time.

If the other parent has any question about your child, JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! You don't need to give your child's history or diagnosis. Remember that the Autism Spectrum is just that: a spectrum of behaviors that have a common link. So, for instance, you might say to the parent, and only if he/she questions something, "I am busy working with my son with his manners and it seems as if your child is a great model!"

Best to you. The road is long. The joys are many!

From: e sen <kristinempetersen>Subject: advice needed when meeting new friendsTo: sList Date: Sunday, April 11, 2010, 4:43 PM

I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a tough time with generalization. ) They seem to get along fine, until I mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they

now look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something "different" about my son when they interact with him, but the younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from

saying anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like this?Any advice is truly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

I guess I have gotten lucky with the people I choose to hang out with since I've had my son. When he was born I joined a MOMS club and they all knew the struggles I've had with my son who is now 7. Everyone accepted my son which made there kids accept my son for who he is....which he has always been Tyler not the kid with asd. Now my son has a best friend who is younger than him. Since they are on the same level socially they play great together. She helps him put his sneakers on and they both sing spongebob in my car. I just want people to treat my son as Tyler not as a kid with disabilities. Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: DMarcus1025@...Date: Sun, 11 Apr 2010 17:11:49 EDTTo: <sList >Subject: Re: advice needed when meeting new friends That's a tough one! I have a 10 year old who is borderline everything!! I have noticed the phone not ringing as much after Adam has made a few comments. He is Because he is socially awkward at times, other Mothers just don't seem to get him. Wait for the second or third time before you mention anything, if you really want this friendship.At this point in my life (and his), I could care less about what others think, especially at a park for a spontaneous playdate with a stranger. If you feel the need to be overbearing, then do it with a smile!! There are plenty of other children within "our" society who your son can play with. Have you tried a social group? Although my son goes to a private school with some nice children, I find that his closest friends come out of these. Good luck and have fun with him!! Trust me, at some point, your son will no longer wanting you to be hanging over his shoulder! LOL Debbie Marcus In a message dated 4/11/2010 4:47:21 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, kristinempetersen writes: I have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a tough time with generalization.) They seem to get along fine, until I mention the word autism. I have run into issues when I tell the other parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they now look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.Older children (ages 10+) seem to notice there is something "different" about my son when they interact with him, but the younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from saying anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like this?Any advice is truly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

Thank you to everyone who has responded with advice and shared experiences. I have also addressed this question with some parents of typical children and they have shared a unique perspective with me. They have said that perhaps other parents react this way bc they don't know what to say or how to act. Out of fear of offending us, they want to be pc but they don't know what is ok to say and what phrases or words are appropriate to use and which ones are not. They are not sure what questions are ok to ask and which ones would be percieved as being offensive.I know it's a tough for us to balance between what is necessary to share vs not, hiding the diagnosis vs being up front, labeling vs. Explaining, etc. As we continue through this journey I am sure I will learn how to handle these situations better. And with the support of other parents who have common experiences and challenges such as yourselves, I

know I am not alone. Thank you so much. Sent from my iPhoneI have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a tough time with generalization.) They seem to get along fine, until I mention the word autism. I

have run into issues when I tell the other parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting

with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they now look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.Older children (ages 10+) seem to

notice there is something "different" about my son when they interact with him, but the younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from saying anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like this?Any advice is truly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

Thank you to everyone who has responded with advice and shared experiences. I have also addressed this question with some parents of typical children and they have shared a unique perspective with me. They have said that perhaps other parents react this way bc they don't know what to say or how to act. Out of fear of offending us, they want to be pc but they don't know what is ok to say and what phrases or words are appropriate to use and which ones are not. They are not sure what questions are ok to ask and which ones would be percieved as being offensive.I know it's a tough for us to balance between what is necessary to share vs not, hiding the diagnosis vs being up front, labeling vs. Explaining, etc. As we continue through this journey I am sure I will learn how to handle these situations better. And with the support of other parents who have common experiences and challenges such as yourselves, I

know I am not alone. Thank you so much. Sent from my iPhoneI have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a tough time with generalization.) They seem to get along fine, until I mention the word autism. I

have run into issues when I tell the other parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting

with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they now look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.Older children (ages 10+) seem to

notice there is something "different" about my son when they interact with him, but the younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from saying anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like this?Any advice is truly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

Thank you to everyone who has responded with advice and shared experiences. I have also addressed this question with some parents of typical children and they have shared a unique perspective with me. They have said that perhaps other parents react this way bc they don't know what to say or how to act. Out of fear of offending us, they want to be pc but they don't know what is ok to say and what phrases or words are appropriate to use and which ones are not. They are not sure what questions are ok to ask and which ones would be percieved as being offensive.I know it's a tough for us to balance between what is necessary to share vs not, hiding the diagnosis vs being up front, labeling vs. Explaining, etc. As we continue through this journey I am sure I will learn how to handle these situations better. And with the support of other parents who have common experiences and challenges such as yourselves, I

know I am not alone. Thank you so much. Sent from my iPhoneI have a wonderful 6 year old son who also has autism, with some very apparent issues with speech and social skills.Whenever we meet a new friend his age at the park or pool, I usually get engaged to facilitate a successful social interaction for my son to help him communicate and maintain his peer interaction. Usually the other child doesn't seem to notice anything different, and I do a pretty good job of phrasing their questions and comments in a way my son will understand (since he still has a tough time with generalization.) They seem to get along fine, until I mention the word autism. I

have run into issues when I tell the other parent that my son has autism. It seems as soon as I mention that, the game changes. The parent doesn't seem too thrilled that their child is now interacting

with mine, and I have even had people leave the park shortly after I mention it. Not b/c my son did anything too far out of the ordinary, but purely b/c they now look at him differently since they heard the 'a' word. Now of course I know that we don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't accept us for who we are anyway. But we don't expect to become life long friends with these children we meet at the park, I just want my son to get the most out of an interaction and experience with them that day without it being cut short. The only reason why I felt it was necessary to mention it after they have been playing for a little while is to help the other parent understand if my son happens to do something strange, or if they continue to have a hard time understanding him. Its also my way of helping them to see that I am not just an overbearing mother, I am working to help facilitate my son's social interaction.Older children (ages 10+) seem to

notice there is something "different" about my son when they interact with him, but the younger ones his own age don't seem to notice. Should I refrain from saying anything about it to avoid the negative reactions? How do you handle situations like this?Any advice is truly appreciated.