Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior / WSJ Article

[Guest guest]

Has anyone seen this article?

I haven't been able to stop thinking about it or about this part of the article:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

Here's an excerpt that killed me:

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" Here's a story in favor of coercion, Chinese-style. Lulu (the author's

daughter) was about 7, still playing two instruments, and working on a piano

piece called " The Little White Donkey " by the French composer Jacques Ibert...

Lulu couldn't do it. We worked on it nonstop for a week, drilling each of her

hands separately, over and over. But whenever we tried putting the hands

together, one always morphed into the other, and everything fell apart. Finally,

the day before her lesson, Lulu announced in exasperation that she was giving up

and stomped off.

" Get back to the piano now, " I ordered.

" You can't make me. "

" Oh yes, I can. "

Back at the piano, Lulu made me pay. She punched, thrashed and kicked. She

grabbed the music score and tore it to shreds. I taped the score back together

and encased it in a plastic shield so that it could never be destroyed again.

Then I hauled Lulu's dollhouse to the car and told her I'd donate it to the

Salvation Army piece by piece if she didn't have " The Little White Donkey "

perfect by the next day. When Lulu said, " I thought you were going to the

Salvation Army, why are you still here? "

I threatened her with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas or Hanukkah presents, no

birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it

wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she

was secretly afraid she couldn't do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly,

self-indulgent and pathetic.

Jed (the author's husband) took me aside. He told me to stop insulting

Lulu—--which I wasn't even doing, I was just motivating her—--and that he

didn't think threatening Lulu was helpful. Also, he said, maybe Lulu really just

couldn't do the technique—--perhaps she didn't have the coordination

yet—--had I considered that possibility?

" You just don't believe in her, " I accused.

" That's ridiculous, " Jed said scornfully. " Of course I do. "

" Sophia could play the piece when she was this age. "

" But Lulu and Sophia are different people, " Jed pointed out.

" Oh no, not this, " I said, rolling my eyes. " Everyone is special in their

special own way, " I mimicked sarcastically. " Even losers are special in their

own special way. Well don't worry, you don't have to lift a finger. I'm willing

to put in as long as it takes, and I'm happy to be the one hated. And you can be

the one they adore because you make them pancakes and take them to Yankees

games. "

I rolled up my sleeves and went back to Lulu. I used every weapon and tactic I

could think of. We worked right through dinner into the night, and I wouldn't

let Lulu get up, not for water, not even to go to the bathroom. The house became

a war zone, and I lost my voice yelling, but still there seemed to be only

negative progress, and even I began to have doubts.

Then, out of the blue, Lulu did it. Her hands suddenly came together—her right

and left hands each doing their own imperturbable thing—just like that.

Lulu realized it the same time I did. I held my breath. She tried it tentatively

again. Then she played it more confidently and faster, and still the rhythm

held. A moment later, she was beaming.

" Mommy, look—it's easy! " After that, she wanted to play the piece over and

over and wouldn't leave the piano. That night, she came to sleep in my bed, and

we snuggled and hugged, cracking each other up. When she performed " The Little

White Donkey " at a recital a few weeks later, parents came up to me and said,

" What a perfect piece for Lulu—it's so spunky and so her. " "

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I felt SO bad for Lulu when she said, " Mommy, look it's easy! " It's like she

was DYING for her mother to approve of her.

This mother sounds like she has good intentions but she also sounds like a

witch!! I just cannot, CANNOT imagine thinking that calling my kid garbage is

something ANY ethnic group would consider a form of parental love. A controlling

mother who basically makes it clear that either the kids live up to her

standards or her approval and love are withheld.

Just wondering if any one else had seen the article and had the same reaction to

it.

Fiona