Truth and Light

[Guest guest]

One of the things that I have learned on what was sometimes an emotionally

perilous seeming journey is that the light of love and truth can never be

destroyed. The strength and love you build within you can never be taken away

by a nada or fada. The energy they carelessly waste trying to distort, obscure

or blind you from the truth can never destroy your inner love. If you cannot

feel it, it is only because they have temporarily obscured your love for you

from your own view. It never disappears. It is always there. When we stop

succumbing to the lies we were told that live on even when nada or fada are no

longer in the room and instead build our pathways internally to the truth,

they'll never blind you again.

I'm not saying its easy to reconnect with that love. In all honesty its pretty

difficult when your standing in the room with an invalidator, abusor,

intimidator, manipulator or poor me attempting to suck you dry of any form of

positive energy and self love. But, it is not impossible. You have the right

to discontinue any conversation or any interaction that you find demeaning and

go get some sanity and serenity as long as you need to in order to compose

yourself. If they try to prevent you, ignore them and realize they'll just have

to deal with themselves for a bit until you are read to deal with them.

You can get to a place where your reactions will still exist but you will be in

control and can choose how you will respond to what they say or do. You are in

control. They can throw you off balance only to the extent you allow the lies

they told you that seem now like your own thoughts inside of your head. Grab

hold of control and ditch those thoughts about never being good enough, never

being loving enough, never being caring enough, being told you were selfish or

whatever else has been said. Tell yourself, outloud if you need to, I am a

kind, loving, strong and compassionate person. I am faced only with someone

else's insanity and I do not have to own it or become engaged in it. I can

stand off to the side and observe it without emotion and respond as I see fit.

I can choose my words when I want to say them. I can choose loving thoughts for

myself. I am strong enough, smart enough and good enough.

Tell yourself these loving words. When you build up your self-love inside,

there is nothing nada or fada can do to take that away from you. It is not

selfish for you to love yourself enough to take care of you first and then deal

with others. If you don't take care of you first, you are no good to others any

way. Know that there are useless emotions...shame, guilt...that are used by

sick individuals to hook and control you. You don't have to play that game.

You can see it for the feeble attempt it is and let the drama go on as it will

and surround yourself with positivity, love and beauty despite it.

I've spent 3 long-hard years learning what this means. When faced with nadas

words after 3 years, my body involuntarily reacted. I did not become angry with

myself for reacting...I acknowledged that I was justified in reacting to my

abusive nada's words. But then I responded with actions in my life that were

healthy. I spoke with other family, I spoke with friends, I went back to

reading rational and uplifting words from the people who really love me and I

reconnected with the love inside. The abusive words knocked me off my center

and I could not see my own light within. But it didn't take long to regain

composure. It didn't take 3 years this time...LOL I took only 3 weeks. Maybe

next time, 3 days or 3 hours. But I know this, I am the master of my emotions

and they will run only in response to thoughts that I allow and consider truth.

When I do not believe in lies from nada, I do not become emotional. Every word

from her mouth about me is a hurtful lie designed to keep me off-center,

invalidated, unsure so she can hook me with FOG. I don't have to be that adult

child any more. I can free myself as quick as she throws the net. It can

happen. I'm living proof.

Despite being verbally abused I grew up to have an awesome career, beautiful

loving and wise friends, beautiful well-adjusted and happy kids who don't doubt

for a moment how much I love, respect and admire them for who they are.

Romantic relationships have been a little tough but armed with the information I

have today, right now, in this moment - I don't doubt for a moment that I am

capable of having and maintaining a stable and healthy relationship with the

right person FREE FROM BPD, NPD or ADDICTION. (Self love gave me a really big

" NEXT " button. LOL

Never give up hope, always believe in yourself, never fear nada or fada is right

about you and the lies they tell, love yourself, have a wonderful life and do

only what you want to do and not what you fear you must out of obligation or

guilt. Be authentic. Who cares what nada or fada tells the world. Do what

comes from your heart only and because it feels good...don't do anything because

you fear what nada or fada might say--that's emotional blackmail.

Many blessings, lots of love and tons of strength to you all!

Jaie