needing a different attitude towards nada and the phone

[Guest guest]

I guess my nada made a real mistake in how she forwarded her calls from her home

phone number. Now. with my dad's help she has fixed it, and my brother seems to

think that if I call my mom I will reach her at the correct number. Woopee...

why do I not want to call her. Wonder why? HA.

Ever since the snow hit our part of the country, my nada is ringing me each

morning, and I never quite reach the phone " in time " . If this were a normal

relationship, I would call her right back. But right now, I confused about

answering because I am not sure what my motivation would be to actually answer

it.

If I am not up yet, my son and husband look at the caller id, see " private

caller " and my husband refuses to answer the call.

I'm looking at my emotions to see what I need to work on. And so far, I don't

want to work on my relationship with nada. So, if I did call her, the motivation

is guilt. Well, I am tempted to wait and learn to deal with my guilt by myself

before talking to her. I would use a meditation practice, because certainly nada

won't relieve me of guilt.

If I remember correctly, my last phone call had some guilt in it, that she was

in denial about... I think she was trying to find me guilty if my son got a

second-rate education, because ALL United States public schools, as we know very

well, are woefully inadequate. Bur I don't want to empower her by agreeing,

when I don't agree with pointing out problems, I like to consider solutions. So,

I just have no interest in talking to nada if she is going to bring up problems

and require that I agree with her. That is just not something I am interested

in.

But is there a reason to call her that would be healthy, that I have power over

in conversing with her? That would make answering the phone call a positive

thing? From the stand point of being a child of a borderline.... what motives

are GOOD motives... for you to know when it is " good " to answer the phone? I

feel like when I am healed I can answer the phone. Otherwise I am just

re-triggered, when I experience nada playing the same old games, and totally in

denial about it!

Best,

PS: I like this quote:

" I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love and

abundance. Then, whenever doubt, anxiety or fear try to call me, they keep

getting a busy signal - and soon they'll forget my number. " ~Edith Armstrong