My BPD Poem to nada

[Guest guest]

After reading the post about the book idea I felt inspired, so had to type out a

quick poem before bed. Rather than wait til morning, I decided I needed to come

post it now. Thanks for reading it!

Poem To Nada

When I brought home an A you asked only about the D

Brushing it aside even though it meant the world to me.

As I did the dishes you sat with sister and laughed

Talked about me like I wasn't there, calling me ugly, stupid, and fat.

My very first boyfriend was scared away

When you dragged me to the car by the hair... remember that day?

I got beat up at school and you said it was my own fault

If I was a better person people would leave me alone.

You me and sister had long beautiful hair

Why did you cut mine up to my ears?

You stole my pride when I was only 9

Getting it back has taken a lifetime.

I flunked out of school because at home chores came first

I felt like a slave, not a daughter, that was the worst.

Nothing I did was ever good enough for you

I turned myself inside out, wracking my brain, what could I do?

I married a monster in an attempt to escape

That only brought more torment, abuse, and rape.

You took charge of my divorce, you told me how to live

What I wanted meant nothing, I was just a selfish, stupid kid.

When my daughter was born you lectured endlessly

About how selfish I was, what a horrible mother I was...

You said " give her to me " .

Now I have 3 wonderful children that you hardly know

You missed out on their childhoods, now they are grown.

Often my children asked me what was wrong with them

Why didn't grandma like them, was it something they had done?

Back then I didn't know that you had a name

BPD nada, whom we all just assumed was simply insane.

You hid it well when others were around

Seldom were you caught with your guard down.

The rest of the world saw you and thought you a saint

We only found deaf ears when we expressed some complaint.

You took us to church where they taught us to love

To respect & cherish the parents given us from God up above.

How many nights I cried to God, yelled at him, begged him, wondered, did he

know?

I even wondered, had someone sold my soul?

All I ever wanted was a mother to love

Who held me and helped me, not one who drew blood.

I'm all grown up now but I carry the scars

They will always remind me that mom came from Mars.

You have a name now, its BPD

You are mentally ill even if you refuse to see.

I have my life that you couldn't steal

I have found love, not the BPD kind, but the kind that is real.

Life is so happy when you aren't here

No hiding, no guilt, no drama, no fear.

Please live your life, be happy if not sane

But leave mine alone, its no longer your reign.