New to group

January 14, 2003

Welcome to the group Daeley. My name is Amie. I am mommy to Karson 3.5 PDD and

Peyton 23 months NT. We live in FL. I hope u enjoy this list. Amie

new to group

Hi everyone, I am new to this group and just wanted to introduce

myself. I am a stay at home mom to two young boys. who is 4

years old and typically developing. who is almost 6 years old

and has been diagnosed with Autism since the age of 2 1/2. He has

been receiving services since his diagnosis which include special

education, ot, and speech therapy. We recently moved to a small town

to make our day to day living less stressful. Our son is in a

regular kindergarten classroom with a 1:1 aide and resource room

special education teacher (since they did not have a developmental

kindergarten in this town.) Moving to this small town has been good

for in the fact that he is now able to do things that he

absolutely couldnt do in the city. (like go to the store) But he has

struggled in his classroom since the start of school. He is just now

beginning to connect a little bit with a couple of children in the

room. I dont really know what all to tell you guys about myself,

except that since our sons diagnosis, Autism has been our life. Just

looking to connect with others who understand our situation and share

stories with. hope to talk to you soon.

Daeley

January 17, 2003

Hi Daeley.

Hmm. I should have read ahead (I was 500 behind) and found all new members

and then done one introduction...

Well, I have a passel of kids, two on the spectrum. But I am sure you'll be

hearing more of us and I hope we will all learn more of and

(we DO talk about all our kids if we have others).

Putter is also in regular kindergarten with a one on one aide.

Salli

January 12, 2011

Hello,

I just found this group and am looking forward to connecting with others who

have been raised by a BPD parent. My mom has BPD along with Binge eating

disorder, ptsd from divorce, and depression. She is remarried...the classic

lion and lamb scenario. My step-dad is in denial about her behavior. I've been

labeled as a bad, ungrateful and selfish daughter.

I am happily married with two young children. My husband has a MA in psychology

and helped me to recognize what was going on and to work through my childhood

trauma. Thank God for him! I've come a long way in untangling myself from her,

but a support group such as this would have certainly helped.

I was looking forward to putting some miles between my mom and I, but she moved

2 miles away from us only one year after we moved out of state (I'm her only

child). Having her nearby has put us in contact and conflict more frequently.

We have recently reconnected after a major blow out in June. Nothing has

changed, no apologies were offered and all the problems were blamed on my

husband and I. My husband confronted my mom and now she has villain-ized him.

I am at the point where I want to sever the relationship. Has anyone done this

successfully? I'm not interested in hurting her, but I can't endure this

madness or in good conscience expose my children to it any longer.

Any sound advice? Has anyone else gone through this?

January 13, 2011

Welcome to the Group, Grace, (I shortened your handle for convenience, I hope

you don't mind. Let us know what you'd prefer.)

Each of us here is figuring out how to deal with having a pd parent, or we're

dealing with the aftermath of having had one. Some of us can manage low contact

with strict boundaries in place, and others of us need to cut contact. There's

no " one and only " right way or best way to handle it, its very individual.

There are many good books out there now about setting boundaries and about

freeing yourself from " co-dependence " (feeling inappropriately responsible for &

misplaced guilt for someone else's feelings.) There is a great reading list at

the Home page of this Group. Here's the link:

http://www.bpdcentral.com/index.php

What it boils down to, really, in my opinion, is that we as human beings have

been genetically hardwired AND conditioned by society to feel very attached to

and loyal to our parents; that's " the norm. "

But the genetic hard-wiring and societal conditioning did NOT factor in the

*aberration* of *mentally ill, abusive parents*. Parents who metaphorically eat

their own young are NOT " the norm. "

Parenthood does not bestow the right to harm your child.

You did not cause your mother to be mentally ill, and you can't fix her. You

CAN decide how *you* will respond to her abusive behaviors. Feeling guilt over

protecting yourself from an abusive person is misplaced and inappropriate.

But how you do that is completely up to you; now, its all about what feels right

to you and what you can live with. Books like " Surviving A Borderline Parent "

can help a lot.

Again, welcome.

-Annie

>

> Hello,

>

> I just found this group and am looking forward to connecting with others who

have been raised by a BPD parent. My mom has BPD along with Binge eating

disorder, ptsd from divorce, and depression. She is remarried...the classic

lion and lamb scenario. My step-dad is in denial about her behavior. I've been

labeled as a bad, ungrateful and selfish daughter.

>

> I am happily married with two young children. My husband has a MA in

psychology and helped me to recognize what was going on and to work through my

childhood trauma. Thank God for him! I've come a long way in untangling myself

from her, but a support group such as this would have certainly helped.

>

> I was looking forward to putting some miles between my mom and I, but she

moved 2 miles away from us only one year after we moved out of state (I'm her

only child). Having her nearby has put us in contact and conflict more

frequently.

>

> We have recently reconnected after a major blow out in June. Nothing has

changed, no apologies were offered and all the problems were blamed on my

husband and I. My husband confronted my mom and now she has villain-ized him.

>

> I am at the point where I want to sever the relationship. Has anyone done

this successfully? I'm not interested in hurting her, but I can't endure this

madness or in good conscience expose my children to it any longer.

>

> Any sound advice? Has anyone else gone through this?

>

January 13, 2011

Dear withbeautyandgrace,

I just wanted to say that I LOVE that name/handle. I think you are in the right

place; that's probably the best I can offer right now. Because I'm kind of

where you are - nada just moved down the street. Oops! I encouraged it before

I found out about the BPD.

I was so sad to see step-dad go; I loved him very much. His passing was a great

loss for me, but I thought I might gain a friend in my mom. She has this

tendency to only be able to have 1 close relationship at a time. This " at a

time " thing can be for a few minutes on the phone or in a visit.

But, alas, I have been labeled the " bad " daughter as well. I just

couldn't/chose not to keep up with the unrelenting daily phone calls about the

furnace, phone service, etc etc etc. As much as I wanted that " relationship "

with mom, I wanted peace and health more. And a chance for a better life for my

little boys.

So we are in undeclared LC. It has gone over remarkably well, since she kind of

crossed me off her list anyway. I think we're going to be able to do this.

It's just weird for me.

I wish I had my mother. I wanted to say " back, " but that isn't really

applicable because she was never really there at all. Sometimes there is this

hollow kind of nothingness in her eyes; it's like I can see the emptiness they

describe BPD people feeling inside. I miss her. The her I never knew, that she

can't be.

See, the funny thing is, Mom is fun. I really like her. But it's all or

nothing with her. I can't keep up, so I've been tossed alongside the road. I'm

just not useful enough to bother with. And I can't walk on eggshells wondering

when the next blowup will be. The nightmares and worries that come with higher

contact destroy me.

Love and Best Wishes

+Coal Miner's Daughter

p.s. I think I'll write a song for her. A song for the parts of her I love.

I'll let you know if I get it done. Perhaps it can help in my grieving.

>

> Hello,

>

> I just found this group and am looking forward to connecting with others who

have been raised by a BPD parent. My mom has BPD along with Binge eating

disorder, ptsd from divorce, and depression. She is remarried...the classic

lion and lamb scenario. My step-dad is in denial about her behavior. I've been

labeled as a bad, ungrateful and selfish daughter.

>

> I am happily married with two young children. My husband has a MA in

psychology and helped me to recognize what was going on and to work through my

childhood trauma. Thank God for him! I've come a long way in untangling myself

from her, but a support group such as this would have certainly helped.

>

> I was looking forward to putting some miles between my mom and I, but she

moved 2 miles away from us only one year after we moved out of state (I'm her

only child). Having her nearby has put us in contact and conflict more

frequently.

>

> We have recently reconnected after a major blow out in June. Nothing has

changed, no apologies were offered and all the problems were blamed on my

husband and I. My husband confronted my mom and now she has villain-ized him.

>

> I am at the point where I want to sever the relationship. Has anyone done

this successfully? I'm not interested in hurting her, but I can't endure this

madness or in good conscience expose my children to it any longer.

>

> Any sound advice? Has anyone else gone through this?

>

January 13, 2011