Is this Bordeline behaviour? Would love your help and opinion

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Dear Everyone,

I would like to start my post by thanking everyone on this forum for sharing

their personal experience and also for supporting and helping eachother out.

I gain a lot of insight from reading your stories, and from reading other

member's reaction to them, even if I often don't post nor write any answers

myself.

I am sure there a lot of people in my position, who quietly but surely gain

wisdom and peace from all of you, so I just wanted to show my gratitude.

Allright, so this put aside, I would like to share with you something that

happend to me around Christmas time with my BP Mom.

I went back home to France after being away for 2 years. I currently live in the

States.

Being away from her has always brought me a great sense of safety and, I guess,

control, in my own environment, as I interact with her on the phone and try to

keep things casual.

I came back to France with my long term BF, and we stayed at my parents' house

for a little over a week. I got the flu right away, with a very high fever

lasting almost the whole time.

During that week, things were fine, my Mom freaked out my BF with her behaviour,

even though to me she was on good behaviour. She screamed, but not at us, and

kept her episodes of anger mostly under control.

Anyway, we then all went to my grandmother's house for Christmas, where we spent

a few days.

A couple days after Christmas and as our departure date was approaching, I came

to say goodnight to my parents in their bedroom.

My father quietly told me to go hug my Mother, who was facing the window. She

turned around and when I saw her face, I just knew. Her face was red, she had

been crying. I asked her what was wrong, I was totally surprised, since the

diner + evening with all my relatives were fun. She proceeded to tell me that

she felt we " didn't connect " during out time at my parents' house (when I was

sick), that I spent most of my time in my bedroom, didn't help her enough,

didn't help her cooking, didn't spend enough time with her etc etc.

I tried to calm her down, say nice things, tell her I didn't want to see her so

sad etc. I also reminded her of the times when I shared my new makeup with her,

we played with clothes, and talk about her hair. BIG freaking topic, her hair.

That week she was obcessing about her hair, and how ugly she felt, and how she

could fix it. A conversation I have had a gazillion times with her over the

years.

My Mom shows Narcissitic Personality signs, by the way.

Nothing would calm her down. She grew more aggressive and critical, telling me I

should have helped her more with cooking, that cooking is a time to connect

between a mother and daughter and I wasn't there to help her, etc.

I told her I was sorry, but I felt we had had a good week together, that I

didn't know where all that was coming from.

She said she wanted more from me, more love, more affection etc, then said that

our relationship had never been good.

I told her I didn't want to see her unhappy, she replied " I have been unhappy

for a long long time " . She sounded very pissed and sour, like I was to blame for

it.

I then told her that I couldn't make her happy anyway.

Funny thing is, she then replied " Oh no, I know, it is your father's job " .

I then said " no, Mom, YOU make yourself happy " . Oh boy. She got really pissed,

and pointed her finger to my nose, and yelled " and YOU are superior and

pretentious! " ...

I knew this was going bad, and then I clearly felt she wanted to pick a fight

with me. I told her " Mom, I will NOT pick a fight with you. I know you'd like us

to have an argument now, but this is my Christmas vacation, I don't want any

drama, I just want everyone to be ok and things to go smooth ok? "

She was shaking, mad, crying, it was horrible. She then started to rage at me,

about old stuff, to which I immediately said " You talk to me like this, and I

will go away " , as I was walking away.

My father, watching the whole scene, totally mute, stopped me then as I was

getting out of their bedroom, and said that she was going to calm down. Which

she did, immediately.

I told my parents I was going to say goodnight to them, and go. It was just so

painful, everything.

I hugged my Dad, said I loved him. Then went to hug my Mom, which at first tried

to push me away, then totally fell apart in my arms, crying like a baby, telling

me how much she loved me, that she loved me so much, that maybe she loved me too

much etc. She was squeezing me so hard and wouldn't let me go. I told her I

loved her and other nice things. After a few minutes like this, she calmed down

a bit. Then I walked away from their room. With a very heavy weight in my heart.

The next day, my father was pissed at me because I wasn't trying hard enough

with my Mom, my Mom was cold and mad at me too. And she proceeded to play the

victim and talk to other relatives in the house that day, about how not helpful

and cold I was.

Thanks Mom.

It makes sick to my stomach to tell this story. And sorry I wrote another

freaking novel here.

Please, if you read this, let me know what you think. Is this bordeline

behaviour? How would you have handled this? I feel so hurt and " damaged " from

all this crap. It's just too heavy sometimes.

Thanks so much,

Coralie