KO Anger: still politically incorrect, it would seem

[Guest guest]

I was following a very lively and impassioned thread of discussion regarding the

question " Do the family members of those with bpd show enough compassion for the

bpd? " over at another group, bpdfamily.com.

That thread was moved, then locked, then it vanished altogether. Fortunately, I

was able to copy and save most of it.

The thread had provoked a large number of responses from many members because

the original short essays that began the thread (and the moderator who posted

the essays, in his his own comments) implied that family members need to show

more compassion toward their bpd relative and that expressing anger towards

those with bpd who have been abusive to us is inappropriate.

The replies were all so very well-considered, intelligent and thoughtful, and

were not insulting or cruel: just extremely frank and honest. The most common

sentiment expressed was that the KOs *have been* (and in some cases still are)

showing much compassion for *decades* toward their abusive bpd parent, and the

only result was more abuse. Many of the posters shared that they had been

forbidden to show any anger about their mistreatment (or forbidden to express

anger at all, ever) and they now felt that finally they had a safe place to

openly speak of their hurt, their anger and their outrage and receive

compassionate validation and support for their wounded child.

The moderators, though, kept attempting to reintroduce the idea that anger is

wrong, anger is unhealthy, anger is inappropriate, etc.

The point I wanted to make, is that it still surprises me that *even in forums

and Groups that exist to support the healing of those who were abused by

mentally ill parents* it is still " politically incorrect " to lay the blame for

committing abuse at the feet of the abuser *because the abuser is mentally ill.*

Go figure!

The overwhelming consensus by the member/posters was that it is healthy,

empowering, and appropriate to feel angry about being chronically abused and

unrescued, and it helps the adult survivor of child abuse heal, because its a

natural part of the grieving process, AND its healthy to direct the anger at the

source: at the perpetrator of the abuse, and making the abuser accountable for

their acts. NOT for the purposes of revenge, but for the purposes of feeling

that its finally OK for the victims to speak their truth and get validation, and

to gain protection from further abuse.

But, like I said, that thread at that Forum has been magically poofed out of

existence. I find that both interesting and disturbing.

-Annie