Guest guest Posted September 7, 2001 Report Share Posted September 7, 2001 Ok folks, you all know that we like Jeff's little tag lines on his postings. I have kept a file of them and thought you would enjoy seeing them again Don Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. If you choose between two evils, pick one you've never tried before. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. Why don't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? Air goes in and out...blood goes 'round and 'round. Any deviation to this is a BAD THING How do I set a laser printer to stun? If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil? I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one. " Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. " (Sharon Stone) Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for? If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... No, an erection does NOT count as personal growth! He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. Incontinence Hotline... " Can you hold, please? " " In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do Tall people burn slower? " I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway? I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. If the police arrest a mime, do they have to tell that he has a right to remain silent? Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them? The Ajax man, the Maytag man and Mr. Clean are all bachelors. And that, my friends, is proof that women prefer men who talk dirty! Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no genitals. People say that hard work never killed anybody, but did you ever know anybody who rested to death? Give me ambiguity or give me something else. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window? The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? Remember, no matter how good-looking she is, some guy, somewhere is tired of putting up with her crap If men had breasts, they would wear off the pockets of their shirts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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