The Dump........Hysterical......

[Guest guest]

~

I was hoping to be able to share

some educational material with my

Sisters.......lololol........

doesnt laughing feel so good????

Loveya ~ DedeStart the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

[Guest guest]

~

I was hoping to be able to share

some educational material with my

Sisters.......lololol........

doesnt laughing feel so good????

Loveya ~ DedeStart the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

[Guest guest]

Awe, Sue,

I am glad to have given you a good

belly laugh ! !

Love you ! ! DedeStart the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

[Guest guest]

Krista ~

My pleasure ! ! I am so happy to have

put a smile on your face and a good laugh

in your day ! !

Loveya ~ DedeStart the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

[Guest guest]

Thanks Dede, just what I needed a good old

belly laugh.

I sent this to my cousin in Australia, me in England !!

So your dump has just about gone

round the world. LOL perfect

Sue xx

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of DGRAHAMA@...

Sent: 17 January 2008 21:27

Subject: The

Dump........Hysterical......

Taking a Dump...

I'm sure that upon reading this, you'll nod your

head in agreement as

you will all have experienced most, if not all of the scenarios listed. If

you haven't you need more fiber.....

The Perfect Dump

Every once in a while everyone experiences the

perfect dump. It's rare

but a real thing of beauty. You sit down expecting the worse, but what you

get is a smooth sliding, fart-less masterpiece that breaks the water with

the splash-less grace of an Olympic high-diving champion. You use the toilet

tissue to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all

is right in the world and that you are in perfect harmony with it.

The Beer Dump

Nasty! Depends upon the dumper's tolerance and

is the result of too

many beers - doesn't matter if it was 2 or 22. What you get is a sinister,

lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by an odious malevolent fog that could close

the bathroom for days. Naked flames are ill advised.....

The Chilli Dump (aka The Japanese Flag)

Hot when it goes in and napalm when it comes

out. It stays with you

all day stinging yer ring and generally making your choccie starfish feel

like the Shuttle's heat shield. Also makes your ass look like " a Japanese

Flag " .

The Empty Roll Dump

Relief - you've finished and reach for the

tissue only to find an

empty cardboard cylinder staring back at you. Panic overcomes you. You could

use the curtains but then someone would ask " where are the curtains? "

Use

the rug? Nah, too bulky and cumbersome. You then come to the same conclusion

that every " empty roll dumper " must face.....pull up yer kecks

tighten yer

cheeks and shuffle yourself to the nearest loo roll. Failing that you could

always use your shirt-tail or one of your socks!

The Splash Back Dump

This one drops like a depth charge creating a

column of cold water

that washes your sphincter with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now your wet

- and embarrassed if the column of water went half way up your back. Tip of

the day: blot instead of wiping.

The Childbirth Dump

This one is just too big to go through the

aperture provided by nature

for this purpose. You sit there thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts,

and then gets no better. You sweat violently and wonder if you'll ever see

your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming " Man

dies trying to hatch monster loaf! " There are only three things you can

do:

1. Scream 2. Call an Obstetrician 3. Hope to hell you've got some Vaseline

to help you get through it.

The Machine Gun Dump

Best utilized in public conveniences. You sit

there in sublime peace

when suddenly you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the

tranquility like machine gun fire. The guy in the next cubicle hits the

floor like a Vietnam

veteran, cradling his umbrella like a M16....damn

commies.

The Sound Effect Dump

You feel a noisy one coming on but relatives,

friends or work mates

are within earshot. So, you must employ some clever techniques to cover the

disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is of the essence. At the

precise moment of release, try the following: 1. Flush the toilet 2. Drop

loose change on the floor, 3. Sing the first two stanzas of your favorite

opera.

The Cling-On Dump

You've finished but there's one damn morsel that

refuses to drop. You

grip the seat with both hands and wriggle. You twist and pump but the little

bastard just hands there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between

you and the water below. If only you had some scissors.......

The Whole Roll Dump

No matter how much you wipe, it just isn't

enough. You blow the whole

roll and have to flush at least a dozen times. The whole episode is consumer

waste. Eventually if your toilet paper runs into minimal supply anything

will do, towels, wash clothes, carpet, walls, whatever it takes.

The Encore Dump

Ahhh, you've done, so you wipe, dress, flush,

wash hands and are about

to leave the auditorium when you feel another dump coming on. You must

therefore return for a curtain call. The world record is seven encores.....

The Houdini Dump

You go, you stand to flush and it has

disappeared! Did it creep down

the pipe or did you dream the whole thing? Should you flush? Oh yes as you

can guarantee that if you don't, it will reappear and smile at the next

person who comes in.

Start the year off right. Easy

ways to stay in shape in the new year.